Not to tell my toddler off

[Stawbydanes]

Me and my partner disagree over dealing with negative behaviours from our toddler.

We have a 2 Y/O and I never 'tell him off'. That is to say, I tell him 'no' once or ignore his bad behaviour. I will heap praise on him for good behaviour.

My partner often tells him off, I can hear him now saying 'how times do I have to tell you?' and raising his voice.

It feels to me that his method does neither of them any favours.

AIBU to think DS is too young for this kind of interaction and that actually, he won't learn from this.

Yes your right and your partner is wrong. A lot of men fail to understand toddler/child development. A lot of women do too so it is good that you realise what the right approach is.

Your child might end up a bit confused. Permissive mum and strict dad.
Bad behaviour should be addressed as well- no climbing on the table,no kicking or biting or so on- basic social skills to function in society without becoming a pariah
Ingrained habits are difficult to get rid of later- child in the restaurant might not understand why they shouldn’t climb on the table because mum let them at home.

Sorry @FrenchBoule I thought I made it clear that I did object to this behaviour by saying no, I just don't shout.

Just saying “no” probably won’t be very effective on its own. They need to be told why and what.

shouting is never ideal but it does sound like you need to work together and find a happy medium.

Saying no followed by distraction is probably better than just ignoring.
Toddlers do need to have clear boundaries, but shouldn't really need to shout.
I say there is probably a middle way.

Shouting no but permissive also no. We have 3 under 3 plus older ones and we are both on same page with discipline or how will they work out boundaries and what's right and wrong to do or safe or not safe. Your both wrong in both ways to permissive and shouldn't be shouting and one confused toddler in the middle not knowing who's right or wrong when mummy lets him do stuff and daddy doesn't. Not good parenting

I think there’s a middle ground between shouting and ignoring bad behaviour. Two year olds need to be taught appropriate behaviour and I don’t think that just ignoring bad behaviour is the way to do that. Especially if they’re doing something dangerous.

If you and your partner have quite different views on discipline then it’s important to find a way to meet in the middle.

I guess because he doesn't do anything particularly dangerous or bad. He shouts a lot, makes a mess and mucks about when we're trying to get him to focus on something like his food but to me, that stuff is on the pretty good side of normal. Partner was shouting at him for splashing in the bath earlier after he told him not to. Just can't help feeling he doesn't really choose his battles.

Only shout for things that are actually dangerous like running into the road.

Splashing in the bath is what kids are meant to do.

I think you need to find some middle ground. I personally have a strong dislike for 'gentle parenting' but I don't think being an angry/shouty parent does any good either.

I really don't think there's much point telling a toddler off! As long as you communicate safety and try and encourage relative decorum!

It isn’t really about gentle parenting but effective parenting. My DS is 3 in December and getting angry and ‘how many times do I have to tell you’ would be a great game to him. Likewise I could explain why until blue in the face, he wouldn’t understand. Generally I intervene if it’s behaviour that’s dangerous: otherwise I don’t really bother. I’ve learned the more I try to stop DS doing something the more determined he becomes.

What makes you the expert? 🙄