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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Exit interview - how honest to be?

45 replies

MsFrost · 13/09/2023 17:18

I have a new role and an exit interview coming up for my current one.

I work for a large, national organisation and the exit interview is with my line manager, not HR (not sure why, this is just how they do things).

Part of the reason I'm leaving is because of my manager being disinterested, not 'fighting our corner' to help my team get what we needed, not feeling very valued, amongst lots of other organisational issues which ultimately became too much for me to cope with and just made my job more difficult.

My manager is quite senior in the organisation (I'm a manager myself so she is a level up).

AIBU to not be honest about this because I feel uncomfortable saying it to her?! Were you totally honest in your exit interview? I'm scared of burning bridges I guess.

OP posts:
WhisperingHi · 13/09/2023 17:19

Do you think the honest feedback will have any impact?

If yes, then it's worth giving, but I doubt a rubbish manager will take it on board, so personally I wouldn't bother.

pineapple360 · 13/09/2023 17:20

Not worth the aggro, it won't make a difference and you wouldn't want them to jeopardise your reference.

Original poster
MsFrost · 13/09/2023 17:23

@WhisperingHi @pineapple360 Thanks for the replies. That's what I'm thinking really. It probably won't have much impact.

But then what do I say when they ask me how things were? Just lie and say it's all been great and I just found a better job somewhere else?

OP posts:
Starlightstarbright2 · 13/09/2023 17:26

Honestly they are pointless .. I would say yes for a role you feel will challenge you more .

no point telling them how shit they are you are leaving all you need is a reference.

ScarlettSunset · 13/09/2023 17:26

If I needed to keep them onside, I would lie and make everything up.
If I really didn't care, I would be brutally honest.

Tracker1234 · 13/09/2023 17:29

I was almost begged to do an exit interview via a form. So I did, I was a middle manager and had been there over 30 years and I said that company had lost its way and the answer from our financial colleagues was to offshore everything which didn’t work.

It was sent back to me (in error) instead of HR by ironically someone offshore with some red marks through it saying that they think my comments should be ignored and that they wouldn’t put the form through…

I honestly wouldn’t bother. They really don’t want to hear it

Sweatybettysboobs · 13/09/2023 17:31

Is the manager doing your exit interview the one supplying you a reference for the new job? 🤔 if so I'd bite my tongue, or maybe reframe as the team isn't supported within the bigger organisation and you were headhunted for a better position.

whenindoubtgotothelibrary · 13/09/2023 17:32

I wouldn't bother. It never goes down well and it's always best to leave a positive impression when you leave.

MinnieMouse0 · 13/09/2023 17:34

Can you ask to do it with HR or another manager?

GreenGo · 13/09/2023 17:37

Just say a better opportunity (money/ career wise / etc) came along. Unless you want to burn bridges.

starsinthegutter · 13/09/2023 17:41

As you're staying in the company, don't bother, as it could have a negative impact on you. Really HR should be doing the interview.

ellie09 · 13/09/2023 17:44

My exit interview was an online link to a few questions sent by HR.

By the stage I was leaving, I was too un bothered and relieved to be leaving.

I think silence speaks more as well.

Cotswoldbee · 13/09/2023 17:50

I was eagerly anticipating my exit questionnaire from a job I was only in for a short while and was glad to leave (large national employer with a toxic management structure). Didn't think for one minute it would make any difference but it would make me feel better.
Last day, nothing arrived but I thought no problem as I will just complete it when it pops into my inbox.
Next day I checked my emails and saw it had arrived at 23:30 so set to log in (using the details they supplied) but no joy. Rang the helpdesk and they said you have to complete it before end of your last day, I explained that it arrived late on my final day but apparently that was too bad.
One way of making sure you don't get negative feedback. 🤬

TheSpruce · 13/09/2023 17:57

As someone who conducts these regularly, I would say it's important to be honest. Considering your reference would likely have been taken by now - and will only be a confirmation of dates and job title anyway - what possible repercussions are you worried about?

If you say nothing, nothing will ever change and people will not be held accountable. Also, it SHOULD BE with HR instead of your manager so that you get a more objective view and are able to speak freely about how you were managed.

FedUpMumof10YO · 13/09/2023 18:00

Silence is a response.

WhiteFire · 13/09/2023 18:03

In my sector it is not wise to be totally honest, it is too small and you never know when you will cross paths again.

I think you could mention some of the issues with the organisation though, in fairly general terms.

Georgyporky · 13/09/2023 18:03

It's a cliché, but don't slam a door if you can close it quietly.

No point in being honest, they won't care & nothing will happen.
And, who knows? You might want to go back there 3 levels up in future !

sjj28358 · 13/09/2023 18:04

I was a committed and diligent employee for more than ten years. I decided not to fill in mine (or request an interview in lieu), and reading these comments, I'm glad I didn't.

I hope that the fact that I didn't do it (very unlike me) speaks more than I realised about my disenchantment with my employer.

DinnaeFashYersel · 13/09/2023 18:04

If you are going to be honest then don't bother with the interview. That would be a waste of everyone's time including yours.

theemmadilemma · 13/09/2023 18:04

Ugh, it should never be your line Manager. Negates the point if you can't be honest.

I highly suspect it won't change things, so I'd keep it low level.

cocoloco117 · 13/09/2023 18:06

Last place I was invited to an exit interview I declined, the place was such a shitshow I knew anything I said would just be wasting my breath.

Barleysugar86 · 13/09/2023 18:07

I would be diplomatically honest. Leave out any criticism of your line manager, but pass on the other thoughts. Be factual and say you are leaving because you found an opportunity that was too good to pass up, and you were having some frustrations with how the team was supported in the wider business that made it feel like it was a good time to move on. Don't get too emotive.

I try to leave on a positive note but to note anything like that for the team mates I'm leaving behind and the hopes it might be better for them.

drinkuptheezider · 13/09/2023 18:10

My ex manager refused to do an exit interview for me or any handover. Showed I was completely right in what I thought of her. She was moved less than three months later and not the promotion she thought she would get.

Treesdostandtall · 13/09/2023 18:11

Tempting though it is… never burn your bridges. If you want to shout and scream - shout at your pet goldfish!!

senua · 13/09/2023 18:11

No point in being honest, they won't care & nothing will happen.
This.
From your angle: telling it like it is won't achieve anything
From their angle: they don't deserve your constructive comments.

In three months' time, you won't care.
Good luck with the new job. Onwards and upwards!

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