Is this insensitive of work?

[Mushroo]

I logged onto my laptop this morning to find one of those compulsory training videos. They’re normally anti-bribery training or something mundane, but today it’s baby loss awareness.

I thoroughly welcome this training, but it felt jarring to receive it via an automated training email that just had it listed as a ‘mandatory training module’.

AIBU to raise this at work? It’s a very sensitive topic and I think it could have been handled better by sending the training with a proper introduction email plus links to support if needed. Or am I overreacting as the actual training was quite good?

It’s inappropriate for that to be a mandatory training module for all staff and people should be warned in advance.

Are you sure you weren't warned elsewhere, in a newsletter or bulletin about upcoming mandatory training?

@SapphOhNo we definitely haven’t been warned. It was just an automated email this morning.

The actual training is good and has been developed with baby loss charities, it’s just the initial delivery I found a bit jarring.

Would you mind sharing a link if it's a public training?

@Bellevu sadly its not - it’s been designed specifically for my employer.

It’s produced by Sands though so if you look on their YouTube channel they might have a public version. It’s called ‘bereavement training in the workplace’.

It does sound an insensitive way of introducing it - sounds as if your employer is trying to do the right thing, but with two left feet.
I do sort of get the requirement for it to be mandatory - otherwise the people that might benefit the most would ignore it.

I would raise your concerns with HR - and possibly sands, so that if they do similar work with other employers, they can share the need to introduce sensitively.

I think it's really good this training has been introduced but somewhat ironic HR haven't raised it more sensitively

I’m not saying the training is not worthwhile, but why is it workplace training? Is it related to the company’s field of work?
Why is baby loss awareness singled out rather than say bereavement awareness or domestic abuse awareness, or any other sensitive topic?

This is exactly how I feel. It’s a really good initiative, they’ve just fallen at the last hurdle.

Ugh, this is exactly the kind of thing the training should be telling them to avoid. Please raise this with your employer. They may not have relalised it would automatically come up or they just didn't think it through. There may well be people really upset by this but not feel strong enough to tell someone.

I also think it's not ideal to make it mandatory. I've lost 2 babies and therefore I know about baby loss thanks very much and I wouldn't want to be nagged about doing training on it. Whether that be by a manager or automated email reminders.

(Also from a selfish perspective, currently being pregnant starting my day learning about dealing with still birth was a lot to deal with).

HR here - very insensitive and definitely do raise it. It’s great they’re trying to think more broadly about training, but what’s the purpose of it? How to handle it if someone in your team loses a baby? Or just ‘awareness’? Considering how high miscarriage rates are a huge amount of staff have potentially dealt with a loss already.

Insensitive of your workplace to make it mandatory. Someone who has lost a baby absolutely does not need baby loss awareness training, they’ve already lived it, and reliving it could be deeply upsetting and triggering

You need to raise it with them.

@MagpiePi Baby loss is often not talked about - its a taboo subject. When babies die colleagues often don't know what to say to parents so they say daft things like 'You're young you'll have another', 'They just weren't meant to be', 'Maybe they had something awful wrong with them, you wouldn't want a disabled child', 'You would never have coped with 2 anyway' etc etc. If a colleagues partner died you wouldn't dream of telling them to remarry now, or it's good they didn't get old and need carers. People generally know how to deal with adults dying but not often babies.

What's your line of work? That makes a difference. Its appropriate if you work in a primary school or healthcare, less so if you work in retail (though it may help you support colleagues, I suppose). But whatever its not very tactfully handled.

I lost my baby over two decades ago, so a long time has passed, however having something pop up like that at work with no warning would have broken me. It's highly insensitive. Please speak to HR.

Thanks all, I’ll raise it with HR.

The purpose of the training is to help people know how best to support a colleague who has lost a baby. As @MagpiePi says, so people don’t say stupid statements like ‘at least you can have another’.

I work in a generic office role, so not directly linked to my line of work.

@Wrongsideofpennines and @Mushroo

I totally understand that it is a good thing for people to understand about baby loss, but I was just wondering why does everyone need training on this particular sensitive topic. Or is this just the start of a series of training modules on sensitive topics?

Goodness really? That hasn’t been my experience at all. Lots of insensitive remarks about the deaths of elderly parents, people with cancer, people with depression, people who required long-term care.

I don’t know that mandatory training stops people from being dicks but it certainly isn’t at all true in my experience that people are helpful and supportive when an adult dies.

Yanbu x

@MissTrip82 Unfortunately was my experience. Colleague's mum died at a similar time to my babies. Lots of concern for her, checking in, flowers, cards, expecting her to take lots of time off. I got a few texts at the time and then nothing apart from when I returned from mat leave lots of questions about why I took so long off.

Bloody hell! It’s inappropriate! My work normally has deadlines on mandatory training eg complete in the next month so it’s really insensitive to essentially make someone relive their experience if it’s been so recent :( should definitely not be mandatory.

It’s worth raising but I think it applies to other types of training too. First aid courses can be equally as triggering for people who have had a loved one that had to have cpr. Mental health awareness training is traumatic for those with mental illness. They should all carry warnings.

I was wondering what your job was. I see the training is not relevant to the job you've been employed to do, but something that HR think is useful in the work place.

I would go back to HR and ask them whether they watched their own darn video. I imagine one of the big lessons when working with someone who has gone through baby loss is not to darn well shove it in their face.

In sending that email to everyone they may well have done just that. Fools.