to find it very very difficult to tell my family what they want to hear?

[emkana]

My SIL is pregnant with her third. Everything is going well, and she is likely to have a healthy baby. But she is very anxious that something might go wrong, in parts because with my third pregnancy things went "wrong" (ds has a type of dwarfism) and so she is a bit superstitious about third pregnancies.

Now because of ds's history I've kind of become the family expert on prenatal tests, diagnosis etc, even though my knowledge is very limited. And so my SIL and my mum try and get me to say to them that because the scans have all been fine so far (she's in week 25 or so) that it is certain that all will be well. And I do tell them that it is likely that the baby will be healthy, but I just can't bring myself to say that it is certain.

Message withdrawn

God it's not your job to dampen down your SIL's paranoia. Don't you feel like saying 'well it will almost certainly be alright and if it isn't it isn't'.

What do they want you to say 'it happened to me but it couldn't possibly happen to you'

Perhaps changing the subject would be best

how very wearing for you. Yanbu.

I said to my mum on the phone today "well no matter what happens now she's having the baby isn't she, so..."

I must say I resent being consulted in this manner, I'm happy to share knowledge but I can't provide the feelgood factor all the time.

And nor should you.

what do you think would happen if you said 'well if she has a kid with SN then she has a kid with SN, plenty of people do'.

Probably not to be recommended.

If it really pisses you off though (and tbh it would me) then it might be worth explaining to your mum that you're not in a position to foresee the future and you don't like being used to provide the feelgood factor. That what will be will be and she must be looking forward to her 3rd child, whatever happens.

yanbu , and even tho sil is pregnant , i think your family are being a bit unreasonable and very insensitive. We all love our children no matter what , dont we!
just keep mutteirning to yourself "not long now".

Agree with hotbot that your family is being insensitive to look for reassurance from you - as if it is for you to bestow. Any idiot will know Nothing is for certain. And every child is a Gift from God.

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milliec, very sorry to hear about your terrible loss.

I have to be kind to my mother, she's been through a lot lately with my dad having severe dementia, but by Jove it's testing my patience.