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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To buck the trend and invite the whole class?

25 replies

MrsRobinStrike · 12/09/2023 22:14

DC is in his 2nd year at school. He didn't have a party for his friends last year as his birthday is very early in the school year and he hadn't any friends from pre-school in his new school.
So this will be his first birthday party with friends. We're going to the local soft play.

Thus far he has only been invited to parties of the boys in his class. It seems the boys only invite the boys and I presume the girls invite the girls.

The boy/girl split is something like 15/10.

When I asked him who he wanted to invite he named maybe 6 or 7 boys and 3 or 4 girls.

So my question is should I follow the trend and just invite all the boys or should I invite the whole class? I wouldn't like to just invite some boys/girls and not everyone. I also don't want to potentially piss off all the other parents and start a whole class invite trend

So
YABU - stick with the established pattern and just invite all the boys

YANBU - invite everyone

Or if there was a third option - invite his friends regardless of their sex

OP posts:

Applesaarenttheonlyfruit · 12/09/2023 22:16

I organised a joint part with another child and invited the lot. Sent instructions that gifts should only be 1 child and not both and it worked well.

Applesaarenttheonlyfruit · 12/09/2023 22:16

Worded more gently, but you get my drift!

Feelinglow27 · 12/09/2023 22:17

Honestly you are over thinking it. Just do what you prefer. We have all sorts of different sized parties at our school, no one ever discusses them.... until it gets to the age where people are asking if it's OK to drop and run!

WillowCraft · 12/09/2023 22:18

I think it's stupid to separate 5 year olds by sex. I would either invite the children he has named or the whole class, depending on whether you want to pay for so many. My son is one of 4 boys in a class of 19 I may be biased!

PollyPut · 12/09/2023 22:24

Go for it. Invite everyone. Hope for lots of return invites and to learn all the parents names. You've got nothing to loose

Dramatic · 12/09/2023 22:27

If it's a class of 25 I'd either invite less than 10 or the whole class regardless of sex.

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 12/09/2023 22:30

We always did whole class parties when they were wee, but we either did the party games in a hall type party or hired a soft play venue owned by a friend so basically very cheap.

If you can easily afford it and your DS wants to then invite everyone.

If not don’t feel remotely bad about not inviting everyone.

I’d either invite everyone. All the boys. Or just his friends as long as it was half or less of each of the boys and girls.

The only time I’ve known bad feeling is when when only one or two kids in total or only one or two of the boys/girls are not invited as it seems like a deliberate snub.

caban · 12/09/2023 22:30

Either in invite the whole class or less than half - 10-12, boys and girls.

Original poster

MrsRobinStrike · 12/09/2023 22:37

I wish MN had a polling option so I could see the split of opinion whole class vs friends regardless of sex.
Thanks for the comments. Yes, I'm overthinking it!
It also occured to me that the soft play might only do parties with a limit of numbers so I've emailed them to check and I'll be able to make a more informed decision

OP posts:

StaySpicy · 12/09/2023 22:37

So about half the boys and a third of the girls? I'd just invite them tbh. It's only about 11 in total so less than half the class. No one is being obviously left out, it's obvious it's just those he's more friendly with.

Original poster

MrsRobinStrike · 12/09/2023 22:39

Hmmm I looked at the voting and I was the person who voted YABU so I could see the other answers. So, so far nobody thinks I should follow the status quo. That's interesting

OP posts:

Carlessly · 12/09/2023 23:27

7 boys is half the boys and 4 girls is less than half the girls; total is less than half the class, totally fine to invite those he wants.

Definitely no need to invite the whole class or all the boys and ignore some of the girls he's friends with.

Discwriter · 12/09/2023 23:31

We had a whole class party for my DS's 2nd year - it was chaotic madness but did mean a lot of return invites and getting to know the parents. This year he decided to only invite 10 of his friends, boys and girls. I'd invite the lot if I were you.

StudentNurse3 · 12/09/2023 23:33

When my DD was in lower Primary people either invited just boys/girls or the whole class. As he wants girls and boys there I'd invite the whole class.

DinnaeFashYersel · 13/09/2023 03:57

We did while class parties until P4.

Roselilly36 · 13/09/2023 04:03

Yes check numbers the venue allows, we had a few soft play parties I think the max was 15. We did invite the whole class for other types of parties that our DS’ had, potty the pirate, hired church hall & Science wizard party held in our garden. Happy days 😂 have fun.

embolass · 13/09/2023 05:45

Buck the trend and invite them all!
Could be one or two in the class who get v few or no invites ☹️ , could just make one of those classmates ( and their mum) v happy

fairyfluf · 13/09/2023 05:49

Invite friends or whole class if they will fit/you can afford.

Dontsparethehorses · 13/09/2023 05:52

Definitely don’t invite all the boys if that isn’t the people he would choose. Either whole class or mixed gender selection of his friends. My daughter has always had mixed gender parties because that is who she plays with…!

WandaWonder · 13/09/2023 06:00

I am not for or against the idea but I have heard people invite thr whole class and complain people can't make it, of course thus doesn't always happen but if it did it is alot off time over a year parents would have to get presents and fit taking the kids to parties and sometimes has to stay where the parents and kids have other things on

My child did not want to go to one party when they were younger as they had no idea who the child was so never played with them and we had something else on

Inthetropics · 13/09/2023 06:02

You are ovethinking! I'd invite who he wants to invite or the whole class.

Brefugee · 13/09/2023 06:33

I don't understand why you don't just invite the ones he wants to invite? Dividing by sex at this age just helps reinforce ridiculous sex stereotyping

autienotnaughty · 13/09/2023 06:38

I'd just invite who he requested

Positive41 · 13/09/2023 09:17

Invite the whole class. Be the nice mum that doesn't exclude.

Coatsoff42 · 13/09/2023 09:35

Invite the whole class! Whole class parties are very good to watch the kids and see the dynamics of the kids and their parents, then you can have a better understanding of who your child is talking about when they report home some stories from school. I liked all the kids better after I met them all and saw them running around.

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