How long do you realistically co parent for?

[thunderboltcity33]

Had a stressful few weeks with abusive, narcissistic ex with whom I share a 12 year old.

We split when ds was 1 due to ex being abusive in many ways. A filthy temper, financially and emotionally controlling, physically abusive on a few occasions. You cannot argue with the man, he is simply right about everything.

Over the years we've rubbed along quite well considering how toxic we were as a couple and co parented ds fairly well. Even planned birthday parties together and attended school events together for the benefit of ds.

However every now and then things will blow up and I just feel done with it. I'm sick of interacting with him. I'm sick of negotiating with him. I'm sick of feeling the same anxiety and stress that I used to feel everyday creep back in whenever we disagree. I'm sick of worrying about how he is with ds - I know ds is much more natural with me and much more on his "best behaviour" with dad.

How many more years have I got before I simply don't have to deal with him anymore? Obviously when ds reaches adulthood it'll no longer be my job to sort contact arrangements which is always a big bugbear. I guess we will always be linked by ds and he'll be there for big life events but I just don't want to have to talk or deal with him much more in daily life. I've bent over backwards for years to keep the peace and make things easy for ds but I'm sick of the man.

Bump

I'd say about 3 to 4 years. Your situation sounds very similar to mine with my DD and her dad. She is now 16 and has refused to go over to his house for over a year now. I barely speak to her dad anymore, he will message me periodically to ask stuff about her but it's pretty short lived. I'm imagining soon he won't bother messaging at all.

I moved in 2015 when youngest dc was 11. Never heard a peep from ex after that. Too far for him to keep driving over peeping in my windows.. Just 45 mins away but def far enough away..

I don't think that'll happen with ds. His dad has always been consistent with him and he does seem to enjoy going to his house and doing stuff with him. But equally I feel like he's a bit frightened of him and not his natural self. Which is basically the same as me when I lived with him. Always on edge.

Ex can be ok but he's got this darker side to his personality and it does trigger me a lot. I would just be so much more relaxed if I didn't have to deal with him and his moods anymore.

I split with my kids dad nearly 10 years ago. I have a 13 year old and 11 year old. Last year I blocked my ex on all messaging apart from email. He hates email so will only do it if he really really has to. Contact arrangements are done directly with the kids.

The blocking was the best thing I ever did for my well being....no more passive aggressive texts disguised as being 'about the kids'.

My ds is 15. I think I've got 2 years to go until ds can drive/travel himself.

I've been co-parenting for 13 years, I can't wait to be free of ex's laziness.

I'm only 4 years in, and I don't like it. Ds appears to favour my ex, but he's only 5, so he'll learn. Ex did next to nothing until he got a gf now he does a little more but still 70 percent is down to me. I don't trust him with my child so the littlest contact the better.

In the early years I tried super hard to be amicable and friendly because I wanted the sort of relationship where I could check in and check that ds was ok (when he was little). I hate being away from da, always have. I find it very anxiety inducing especially as I don't fully trust my ex's judgement on things.

But gradually we fell into a routine and ds got older and things seemed to calm down. Then we disagree about something and it turns into hours of debates. Ds now also gets messages. I feel like he is being told two different things from two parents which must be very confusing and unsettling for him.