Out with work colleagues - talk work or not

[User8907]

When going out with work colleagues (in a work setting like team dinner or similar), I hate it when there is always one person who starts saying oh we shouldn't talk about work anymore.

What do you talk then? I don't want to talk about my personal life, or most other topics can so easily go into areas that arguments start (political opinions etc).

Which one are you?

YANBU - talk work
YABU - talk non-work

Have a good old gossip obviously!

This is where ‘anyone watching anything good on Netflix’ type questions can be employed - you can talk non-work without being controversial/personal. I have to do it at work in long appointments with patients, seem friendly but inoffensive so it will be ‘are you watching the bake off this year’ type questions or ‘I like your cardigan’ then you just chat about the bake off or how M&S have some nice bits in. Granted it’s dull but avoids any conflicts

@RhubarbandCustardYummyYummy see I would rather talk work (/ gossip) than dull chit chat

@User8907 yes I agree it’s really dull but if you need to remain professional if a conversation goes somewhere you don’t want it too or the gossip volume gets too loud with the boss at the next table it’s a good skill to have!

YANBU but I think it depends what you do. I am a professional in quite an interesting field, we have some good work stories which get told and told again. Because of the field it does mean mostly we have mutual interests outside of work but I’ve worked with my colleagues a fair while and I’m also happy to discuss aspects of my personal life as are they.

I work in a technical role and I have had enough mentally at the end of the day. After a couple of drinks it's really difficult to talk about work! I think talk about other stuff, holidays, families, Christmas plans, whatever and it gets people feeling like they like and know their colleagues a bit more and then it's a bit easier at work when you need a favour / second opinion etc. So I vote not work

In truth I'm just not very interested in my colleagues' lives outside work. I'd rather hear the latest gossip than dull chatter about kids, decorating, holidays etc.

Mixture of both, but the work talk is more personal than functional.

Was out with two colleagues last week that I know well, one from amsterdam and another from India and some of the non work conversation topics were about kids and generation being raised with screens/internet, Indian food - we all tried a veggie only indian meal that night, challenges of indian public transport, changing climates in each otherscountries, very unwell pet dogs (one was near decision to PTS, other had just had to PTS), electric cars to name a few.

Much better to let the conversations evolve naturally, start with work which is obvious, then go .. wherever.

People trying to dictate the flow of the evening are boring.

My colleagues rarely discuss anything other than office gossip. If someone said "let's not talk about work" they'd think you'd lost your marbles.

I find it a bit much sometimes but I'd really hate being told what I can and can't talk about in my down time.

We used to do shag marry, avoid on the managers, who certainly wouldn't be with us on the night.

Work gossip, who everyone likes/dislikes on other teams, bit of chit chat amongst smaller groups eg those with kids, dogs, etc... Like any group of people the conversation sort of just progresses naturally. Noone in my old office would ever have declared no work chat!

This is why people follow sport. Any sport. It gives you a neutral point of conversation with any random people.

For me the purpose of going out with work people is to forge a bond with them as a person, as well as just a colleague. So yes, a bit of work chat, but mostly small talk, families, holidays, food, hobbies, films, TV, what you're doing at the weekend, or more personal chat as time goes on and colleagues become more like friends.

What you call 'boring chit chat' is what other people use to relax and bond a bit. If that's not you're thing that's fine, but it's not boring to other people (assuming they like each other - do you like these people?)

There's a weird view of many on MN that you work with colleagues and they must never cross the divide into being friends. You just tolerate them at work whilst divulging no personal information whatsoever. In my 25 years of work I've never experienced that. People who naturally click, do so and can be close friends. People who don't click like that (or don't want to) don't, and that's that.

Most of our work is extremely confidential and I don't think we'd really be able to discuss much in a public arena anyway...

I don't understand these Mumsnet rules: "I don't want to talk about anything personal with my colleagues."

I work with a great team, partly because we're not afraid to go beyond "dull chatter about kids, decorating, holidays etc."

I don't understand these Mumsnet rules: "I don't want to talk about anything personal with my colleagues."

it's simple, my work life has nothing to do with my social life. I made friends along the way, but I prefer to keep my private life.. private. I chose my friends, I don't chose my work colleagues, or not for the same reasons

it's simple, my work life has nothing to do with my social life. I made friends along the way, but I prefer to keep my private life.. private. I chose my friends, I don't chose my work colleagues, or not for the same reasons

That's fine for you. A great many people don't fall into that same category/mindset.

I love some of my colleagues, they are definitely my friends. Much much more than colleagues. I've been away twice this year with friends - once with former colleagues and once with current colleagues. We had a blast and I'm privileged to have them in my life.

I simply can't imagine writing off being personal friends with a whole set of people purely because I work with them, but I've seen it on MN time and time again 🤷🏻‍♀️

And that's what will get you a bad reputation at work

hardly? Where do you see that being professional has a negative impact at work? 😂

it's not writing off, but it's keeping things a lot simpler. The day you get promoted over your colleagues, it's easier to manage. Things tend to get sour when one of the "best friends" colleague gets the role they both wanted.

It's not necessary or wise to discuss your private life too much in detail either, it always leads to resentment and gossips when some colleagues think you have a better lifestyle than they do.

Again, I have made some very good friends at work, but I am not there to socialise, and frankly neither are my colleagues.

*it's not writing off, but it's keeping things a lot simpler. The day you get promoted over your colleagues, it's easier to manage. Things tend to get sour when one of the "best friends" colleague gets the role they both wanted.

It's not necessary or wise to discuss your private life too much in detail either, it always leads to resentment and gossips when some colleagues think you have a better lifestyle than they do*

I've never experienced any of that. I can see how it might happen but not amongst my friends really. We genuinely care for each other, and we've worked closely for 12 years in my current job without anything going sour.

I'm obviously not close friends with every single person, and not spilling intimate secrets to all and sundry, but there are those I work with who go way beyond colleagues. I think that's the norm.

it always leads to resentment and gossips when some colleagues think you have a better lifestyle than they do.

No it doesn't.

Me and my work colleagues talk about work on nights out because we may not always be working at the same thing. Or dayshift/nightshift

You can talk about positive things or shared interest or pick up on what interests them.

Or you can find a common enemy from the workplace and destroy their life.

Talking about work in a pub is just more work in a different setting. I'd rather just go home/go to gym etc. It's not time off away from work. There are plenty of neutral topics to discuss that can be fun, books, tv, whatever but if someone wants to talk about work I feel I'm in a meeting and should be paid for it.