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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Health visitor's attitude

13 replies

YOUSEECOLOURS · 12/09/2023 18:11

Earlier in the year we had a 2 year check for my daughter (actually years 4 months at that point). She's definitely not a small girl but active and sensible food (not but portions and healthy home cooked rather than junk etc)

The health visitor said she was obese based upon bmi (despite not taking her height) and she needed to lose weight. I fully understood the message but her attitude whilst saying it was rude and not overly helpful. Wouldn't listen about genetics (my mum and brother were massive when younger and now probably considered underweight.... Same on her dad's side too).

Fast forward 7 months and she visited our house today to do a weight check on my now almost 3 year old, despite her previous rudeness I let her come...

We have been making a conscious effort to lessen portions and also making sure she has a decent amount of exercise each day even though that as always what we had done. She now weighs the same amount as she did at the first check and is 102cm and not even 3 yet.

Health visitor firstly asked if she had made me cry after the last visit, I said no to which she said she makes lots of mums cry (almost boasting). She was condescending towards me and patronised me throughout. And kept pointing out she was still very overweight and the onus is on me.

She wasn't interested in me showing her the portion sizes and kept repeating you can have too much of a good thing!

She ctiricsed the vitamin drops I give my daughter (despite previously recommending them!!) and said its no wonder she is overweight with that much sugar. She also looked at my daughters nappy and said 'hmm... Not potty trained yet then?' even though we are doing it but she had just got home out of the car so had one on.

She then suggested coming back in 3 months to make sure I had 'stuck to the plan'.... I declined.

AIBU in thinking that her attitude is poor? Should I complain?

OP posts:
Sapphire387 · 12/09/2023 18:23

She sounds awful. I wouldn't allow her to return.

TheInterceptor · 12/09/2023 18:30

You do know this abuse is optional don't you?

Nanny0gg · 12/09/2023 18:32

YOUSEECOLOURS · 12/09/2023 18:11

Earlier in the year we had a 2 year check for my daughter (actually years 4 months at that point). She's definitely not a small girl but active and sensible food (not but portions and healthy home cooked rather than junk etc)

The health visitor said she was obese based upon bmi (despite not taking her height) and she needed to lose weight. I fully understood the message but her attitude whilst saying it was rude and not overly helpful. Wouldn't listen about genetics (my mum and brother were massive when younger and now probably considered underweight.... Same on her dad's side too).

Fast forward 7 months and she visited our house today to do a weight check on my now almost 3 year old, despite her previous rudeness I let her come...

We have been making a conscious effort to lessen portions and also making sure she has a decent amount of exercise each day even though that as always what we had done. She now weighs the same amount as she did at the first check and is 102cm and not even 3 yet.

Health visitor firstly asked if she had made me cry after the last visit, I said no to which she said she makes lots of mums cry (almost boasting). She was condescending towards me and patronised me throughout. And kept pointing out she was still very overweight and the onus is on me.

She wasn't interested in me showing her the portion sizes and kept repeating you can have too much of a good thing!

She ctiricsed the vitamin drops I give my daughter (despite previously recommending them!!) and said its no wonder she is overweight with that much sugar. She also looked at my daughters nappy and said 'hmm... Not potty trained yet then?' even though we are doing it but she had just got home out of the car so had one on.

She then suggested coming back in 3 months to make sure I had 'stuck to the plan'.... I declined.

AIBU in thinking that her attitude is poor? Should I complain?

Yes, you complain and save some other poor mum from having her round.

Glitterblue · 12/09/2023 18:38

She sounds horrible. My experiences of health visitors were not good. Pretty much every visit left me feeling inadequate- and I had to have her every week for months because my baby was very premature and she wanted to weigh her weekly even though I was happy to take her to the clinic every week to get weighed. She was clueless about premature babies as well and kept arguing with me over things I’d been told by the paediatrician from NICU.

NeedMyDress · 12/09/2023 18:40

Can't stand health visitors. Decline any further visits, she sounds vile.

NnarcissaMalfoy · 12/09/2023 18:40

This woman sounds vile! Absolutely complain

Jeschara · 12/09/2023 18:45

Complain, her boast about making Mums cry was disgusting, she is a bully.
I would not let her come back either.

TregunaMekoides · 12/09/2023 18:49

I can't bear health visitors, I refused them point blank after my experiences with my first child. I would absolutely complain.

That notwithstanding, are you absolutely sure your child is a healthy weight? I only ask because all the research shows that parents are the poorest at identifying when their children are obese. Have you asked anyone whom you actually trust and isn't set on being an a** to give you an objective opinion?

Noorandapples · 12/09/2023 18:51

Make an official complaint. She's trying to stop you giving vitamins to your child? She's telling you a bmi without measuring height? She's boasting about making parents cry? Crazy!

Isabellivi · 10/05/2025 08:43

Sooo weird

and you should NEVER control the amount a child eats at this age. As long as you are giving her Whole Foods she should eat as much as she eants

i judt learned this in nursing school. You don’t out kids in a diet. You just increase their activity.

CCLCECSC · 10/05/2025 08:45

With that attitude I would definitely formally complain.

CleanShirt · 10/05/2025 08:47

ZOMBIE

Mischance · 10/05/2025 08:48

Health visitors have a very important role with new parents and those who find the task hard and need to concentr5ate their efforts with these parents.

One of my babies was born during a heatwave and the HV kepot coming in saying I should give her water to keep her hydrated. I did point out that she was totally bf, was peeing fine, had no signs of dehydration and was generally very jolly - and what is more her Dad was a doctor and might have spotted the need for more fluid, had this been the case.

She would have done better to spend her time with a sickly baby and an uneducated parent. As it was, it was a waste of everyone's time.

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