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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To over invite to birthday party and hope not everyone turns up.

51 replies

NameChangedAgain2023 · 12/09/2023 16:18

DS started reception this week. His 5th birthday is at the end of this month and we have booked a venue that has a 30 max capacity (we’ve paid for up to 30 but can’t go over). We have invited 8 close friends and neighbours outside his class who have all accepted. In his new reception class there are 29 kids including DS. 5 are from his nursery class and we attended their parties last year so they will be invited. That makes it 14 kids incl DS. There are 23 other kids in the class. Would it be too risky to just send 23 invites into school and hope only 16 accept, or some can’t make it on the day? We don’t know these children at all so they shouldn’t feel obliged to join, but of course it would be nice to invite the whole class and meet his new classmates (and future friends) if possible. Do you think 7 out of 24 is too high a number of expected no shows.

the party a local soft play that is within walking distance of the school on a Sunday morning in two weeks time.

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 12/09/2023 17:20

With only two weeks notice you can hope people can’t make it.

People give much longer lead time round here.

But for DD’s 4th we only had one person decline as they were on holiday and we ended up with a sibling so still had the number we started with, I was surprised.

megletthesecond · 12/09/2023 17:24

Don't do this. You'd be amazed at how many reception children go to parties. Plus parents and the odd uninvited sibling.

megletthesecond · 12/09/2023 17:24

Don't do this. You'd be amazed at how many reception children go to parties. Plus parents and the odd uninvited sibling.

amiboverd · 12/09/2023 17:36

What will you do if you get more than 30? Will they not be allowed in? If that's the case turning people away is worse than not inviting them.

Original poster
NameChangedAgain2023 · 12/09/2023 17:47

Thanks all, given the advice on here I’m now considering just inviting a handful of others…thinking of going though a list with DS and discard anyone whose name he doesn’t recognise….

it would mean asking the teacher to selectively put invites in bags though - which was the thing I was uncomfortable with….

OP posts:
Original poster
NameChangedAgain2023 · 12/09/2023 17:48

I was just planning on hoping that wouldn’t happen…

OP posts:
Original poster
NameChangedAgain2023 · 12/09/2023 17:52

amiboverd · 12/09/2023 17:36

What will you do if you get more than 30? Will they not be allowed in? If that's the case turning people away is worse than not inviting them.

We would have to ask the neighbours / close friends to leave and do something with them later….the aren’t ‘that’ close so would still be very awkward but I think they’d be kind about it!

OP posts:
amiboverd · 12/09/2023 18:57

NameChangedAgain2023 · 12/09/2023 17:47

Thanks all, given the advice on here I’m now considering just inviting a handful of others…thinking of going though a list with DS and discard anyone whose name he doesn’t recognise….

it would mean asking the teacher to selectively put invites in bags though - which was the thing I was uncomfortable with….

Edited

Wouldn't you just put names on them and threw give them to the teacher?

Dyrne · 12/09/2023 19:33

I’d check with the teacher - some don’t facilitate selective invites, they’ll only do whole class invites (or blanket say they won’t do invites at all)

category12 · 12/09/2023 21:15

NameChangedAgain2023 · 12/09/2023 17:52

We would have to ask the neighbours / close friends to leave and do something with them later….the aren’t ‘that’ close so would still be very awkward but I think they’d be kind about it!

Show quote history

I think it's far worse to ask people to leave even if you plan to do something later. If they're little kids it'll be upsetting and it's not fair on the parents. I think it's wrong to treat the people you know best worse because you think they'll suck it up.

Pre-empting it by planning a smaller do for those neighbours & close friends separately instead and having the soft play for the whole class, would be better than reacting on the day and sending your friends/neighbours away.

SparkyBlue · 12/09/2023 21:43

Don't do it. It's early in the year and possibly the first party of the school year (and first party of primary school) so chances are they will all turn up

gamerchick · 12/09/2023 21:48

Not only might they all turn up, you may get siblings.

confusedlots · 12/09/2023 21:52

Yes you definitely need to re think. I'm not really sure what to suggest now that you've already invited the 8 friends/neighbours and also paid for 30 in the venue!

Are the friends/neighbours all boys? In which case maybe you could just invite the boys in the class, then you've got the excuse that it's a big class and unfortunately you couldn't accommodate them all. Otherwise it's a bit tricky deciding who to invite so early in when they haven't really formed friendship groups yet

JollyJolene · 12/09/2023 22:00

Don’t risk it. You also haven’t factored in CF who will assume siblings are also invited.

VeryStylishShoes · 12/09/2023 22:02

I wouldn't have the close friends party at the same time as the class party personally. I don't find they mix well unless there's organised entertainment or something.

I'd probably do a separate party for classmates. That's what we've always done

Cowlover89 · 12/09/2023 22:05

Don't risk it

Redmat · 12/09/2023 22:08

Schools often won't give out invites unless they are whole class. We don't. It causes hurt and upset.
You will probably need to give them out in the playground which is going to be difficult if you don't know the children yet.
It's hard having a child with a September birthday. Have a small party this year and you can go big next when you know everyone. Whole class parties often don't really start until after Xmas as the autumn born children don't know their classmates.

Original poster
NameChangedAgain2023 · 13/09/2023 08:29

Thanks again for the replies. Just inviting the boys out of the 23 did cross my mind, but out of the 5 from nursery 3 are girls in his class….so may look unfair inviting these 3 but not the other girls.

I’ve learned my lesson on this now…! I do have an older DC and have hosted full class parties before (but they missed reception year as covid), and his birthday falls in the Easter holidays so I think I’m used to only 60-70% being able to make it, but I had a feeling this one is risking it too much!

OP posts:
Original poster
NameChangedAgain2023 · 13/09/2023 08:30

I hadn’t factored in siblings either, I know some do bring them but thinking they’d usually ask beforehand and I’d have to say no due to numbers.

OP posts:
GalileoHumpkins · 13/09/2023 09:04

NameChangedAgain2023 · 12/09/2023 17:52

We would have to ask the neighbours / close friends to leave and do something with them later….the aren’t ‘that’ close so would still be very awkward but I think they’d be kind about it!

Show quote history

Would you honestly do that? It would be beyond shitty.

Original poster
NameChangedAgain2023 · 13/09/2023 09:14

GalileoHumpkins · 13/09/2023 09:04

Would you honestly do that? It would be beyond shitty.

Show quote history

I know, but I’m not actually sure what else I would do, if we did go down the risky route of inviting whole class and it backfires.

my original thought was that it would be very unlikely we’d be over on numbers so very low risk of this situation but this thread made me realise it may be a big risk.

OP posts:
WhisperingHi · 13/09/2023 09:16

No, I wouldn't risk it either.

What we do, is we invite the whole class, then see how many spaces we have left for other friends.

Then we have a family/family friends party another time.

Switchingoff · 13/09/2023 09:20

I would send the invites out late with an early RSVP date. A few will definitely languish in bookbags and if parents contact you after the date you can say sorry you’ve invited nursery friends now?

WhisperingHi · 13/09/2023 09:20

I think your only option, without being rude, is to explain to neighbours and family friends that you'll need to change the date to the following weekend for example, then do something else for them on a smaller scale.

And then invite the whole class to the hall party.

BusyMum47 · 13/09/2023 09:24

Jayandnoisybob · 12/09/2023 16:28

In reception getting invited to a party is a BIG deal. The kids are desperate to go so it kind of trumps most other plans.

I agree! ⬆️ I wouldn't risk it!!