I ended things recently with someone after quite a few years together. Lots led up to it in the end and it had become quite toxic, but the final straw is playing in my head and I wanted to know what other people think of it.
So this person who is now in their 50s had a child with a youngish woman (19 Id say) when he was about 22. They lived together for a while, but split up after a couple of years. He says her family estranged him from the child and made visiting her difficult. He lost all contact with her when she was about 4yrs old. He comes from a country where child support is paid directly to the government, it comes out of your salary, and there are penalties and fines for not paying.
Anyway he left that country and came here when he was about 30, and never paid another penny. Although he should have, so he has a huge debt to the inland revenue in that country now. I only found this out after several years together, and asking him to visit that country, which is when he told me he couldn't because they would take his passport and not let him leave until he'd paid the debt. We had actually visited once before and I didnt know this but they had contacted him and he promised to start a payment plan, but didnt. So now really is in big trouble with them (he hid all that from me at the time).
What would you think of someone who did this? He says it was not fair, the payments were financially crippling him, he wasnt able to see the child etc. I guess Im feeling sad about it all, and thinking about the good things, and want some reassurance that it was really was pretty unforgiveable behaviour, especially concealing it for so long (apparently it wasnt my business!).