Family rarely take me seriously… AIBU?

[Namechanged3200]

AIBU to be fed up of my family rarely taking me seriously? My opinions, feelings and anything I say are just ignored, dismissed or disbelieved.

Why do you think this could be happening?

I will try and keep this brief but also not drip feed.

I am a 40 year old married woman, with 3 teenage children. I work part-time and run my own, very small but successful business alongside that.

Some examples:

I had some artwork done for my business, it was very close to what I’d asked for, but some requests were missed. It didn’t look as I had imagined. I told a relative that although it was ok, I wasn’t blown away, showed them and pointed out what I had expected.

They said it looked fine and I was being difficult and controlling. The designer wasn’t aware at this point and it was in conversation to my relative but my opinion on my artwork was dismissed.

I relayed a story from about 10 years ago as we were reminiscing about the past. I was told that my story didn’t happen. It did. I told them in did. I knew it did. They didn’t believe me.

Later that evening, I got a text, they’d asked another family member about my story, who confirmed, that yes it did happen. Why, am I disbelieved, but my other family member is not?

There was a small disagreement between two other family members, I was present, but uninvolved in the actual argument. My opinion, although asked for, was completely dismissed and despite being upset by this argument and the things which were said, it didn’t matter and wasn’t important.

My business is never taken seriously, snidely comments, jokes at my expense and constantly being told what I should and shouldn’t be doing.

I know my business inside and out, I follow every regulation and my admin is on point.

I have also realised I am seen as nothing more than someone useful.

I feel like withdrawing completely.

Later that evening, I got a text, they’d asked another family member about my story, who confirmed, that yes it did happen. Why, am I disbelieved, but my other family member is not?

Don't know about the rest, but that's not as simple as the other family member being believed and you not; it's simply a case that two of you remembering is being believed rather than one. The fact they asked another family member also shows that they didn't totally disbelieve you. If they had totally discounted any possibility of you being right they wouldn't have asked.

It is really shitty when you feel bullied and disregarded by family, but you know there is an issue, so you need to probably stick up for yourself a bit more and not involve them in your life.

They said it looked fine and I was being difficult and controlling. The designer wasn’t aware at this point and it was in conversation to my relative but my opinion on my artwork was dismissed.
You asked their opinion and they gave it to you. Something for your business which you are passionate about wont seem as much of a big deal to them.

I relayed a story from about 10 years ago as we were reminiscing about the past. I was told that my story didn’t happen. It did. I told them in did. I knew it did. They didn’t believe me.
Later that evening, I got a text, they’d asked another family member about my story, who confirmed, that yes it did happen. Why, am I disbelieved, but my other family member is not?
You have the opportunity to defend yourself here. Tell them that you know the truth of what happened and if they don't believe you then that is their issue. Ignore the text, they obviously want to wind you up.

There was a small disagreement between two other family members, I was present, but uninvolved in the actual argument. My opinion, although asked for, was completely dismissed and despite being upset by this argument and the things which were said, it didn’t matter and wasn’t important.
Don't get involved in other people arguments. Don't give an opinion. Simple.

My business is never taken seriously, snidely comments, jokes at my expense and constantly being told what I should and shouldn’t be doing.
You do you and if you enjoy running your own business then best of luck with it! Try not to let jealous people bring you down

That's awful. Don't blame you for wanting to withdraw. I would do same and let them sort their own disagreements out.

Is this just one particularly family member?

It's abuse. They never change. Perhaps you should withdraw completely.

Sounds like you could be the the scapegoat or black sheep.

I would change your demeanour with them. Clearly they mistake gentleness for doormat, so try being cold and calm with them in your interactions.

OP sounds like they are wallowing in self pity TBH. Listing what sound like a few very minor unconfrontational disagreements ("my relative thought the artwork was fine") hardly sounds like the end of the world.

I know I will get flamed for saying the above - but if the OP is that concerned, she just needs to start being a little more assertive, and do some things for herself. Self love gives self confidence and all that.

@MargaretThursday Yes, I understand your point. Thank you.
It just shut down the conversation.
Me: Told Story.
Them: No, I don’t think so.
Me: Yes, it definitely did, added more detail.
Them: No, I think you are wrong there.
Me: Oh ok then.

Hours later: A text to say it did happen!

(I know or I wouldn’t have said it!!!!)

@NotObligedToArgueWithStrangers No, these interactions were just a small snapshot of the last few weeks, but it’s relentless. Every other week, there is something that will be commented on. We have a large family and although not in each pockets, believe it or not, we do communicate often. At every opportunity there seems to be something that I could do, should do, need to do. Whatever I say always feels questioned, not in a conversational way, never just accepted.

@ArcticLingered I appreciate your comment, but I’m not wallowing. It’s not about them saying it was fine, they can say it’s fine or say it’s shit. It’s the dismissal of my opinion. Although only about artwork, it’s about other things also, I just chose to use that example.

I would just cut them off

You shouldn't have to beg for respect

My family is the same. I found disengaging and living my best life is the best revenge.

I think the example of the artwork really shows their mind, it's not just a difference of opinion as they obviously are not as involved in your business as you are, but because of the judgmental "difficult and controlling"-comment by them.

You are the customer of the designer and of course you'd hope they can create what you envision, but if they missed aspects of the brief, then it's valid to discuss that and ask whether it can be fixed.
However, in these circumstances, your relative could also have praised your attention to detail and commitment to your business, even if the artwork seemed ok to them.

All these examples together seem to be designed to keep you constantly defending yourself, creating unnecessary drama and being wary and one the backfoot.