I want my alcoholic partner to move out if they won't seek help for their illness?

[NorthernDad24]

My partner and I have been together for 14 years, throughout that time she hasn't had a great relationship with alcohol.

Early in the relationship it just involved getting very very drunk on occasions and often verbally abusive. Then as our three children came along the frequency increased to drinking at least a bottle of wine daily, often much more and on at least two occasions per week she becomes paraletic.

Often i try to go to bed before she gets too drunk to avoid conflict and drama. She drank through the pregnancies of our second and third (heavily) children and by the third child I'd give up drinking altogether myself. After seeing what it was doing to her.

I've reached the end of my tether, alcoholism is a nasty illness but I'm can't go on having our children in this kind of environment. I sat down over the weekend with her and told her that I wanted her to seek help (I've done this loads of times) but gave her the ultimatum that until she does, the children and me will be living apart from her. Her response was to get very aggressive so I left the house. The children were already at my parents as I knew her reaction had the potential to be volatile.

When I returned I found the police at our house and I was arrested as she had made several false accusations. She has done this because of the illness, she thinks she is losing everything and has gone on the attack.
The police released me without charge and she has apologised but says its my fault for wanting to end it. I really don't know where to go, I know there are women's refuges but not heard of ones for men and their children?

I want her to move out but am I being unreasonable?

You're not being at all unreasonable. You need to protect yourself and the children. You're right that it is an illness, but that doesn't give her permission to do whatever she wants. Sadly alcoholism, like drug addiction, often needs the person to hit absolute rock bottom before they will seek help. Up to that point they believe that they are coping and that everyone else is the problem.

Speak to woman’s aid, they help men as well as women.

You're absolutely doing the right thing. Growing up with an alcoholic parent is damaging and the best thing you can do is get them and yourself out. Your partner won't voluntarily leave and it does depend on tenancy/ownership arrangements, but you can work through those.

The only way in which you are being unreasonable is that you are dragging this out and letting your children live this way.

the odds of her agreeing to vacate the premises are slim. You may have to secure new housing for yourself and the children and just leave.