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Original poster

School run

29 replies

Rainorsunshine · 12/09/2023 11:55

I’m not enjoying the school run at all. My DC started reception last week. I feel out of place. Everybody seems to know each other. I felt snubbed this morning as I was stood behind a mum and her DC who I know is in my daughters class. Tried to strike up a bit of a conversation and her DC pointed out that they have the same umbrella. The mum walked away and went and stood somewhere else. Smiled at another mum whose DC is in the same class and she just looked at me funny. I know in the grand scheme of things it doesn’t matter and it’s only ten minutes of the day but it does get to me and I’m feeling very Dow about it.

OP posts:
Drummend01 · 12/09/2023 11:58

It’s early days so keep trying, you will find a connection with some of the parents and not with others. You just need to find the nice ones but that might take a bit of trial and error

Dont discount the mums you already think aren’t friendly, maybe they were having a bad morning. Back to school is a stressful time for everyone so give it a bit of time before assuming someone doesn’t like you

riotlady · 12/09/2023 12:01

It’s only the first week, try not to worry too much. I found it really hard when my daughter started reception last year- I’m quite shy and there was a big contingent of mums who all knew each other from nursery. Over the course of seeing them in the park and at pickup and birthday parties I’ve gotten to know quite a few people- don’t have a group of brand new bffs (and wasn’t looking for that) but usually have people to chat to

Sunshineclouds11 · 12/09/2023 12:03

I'm new to this also!
Quite afew parents know each other but I feel ok to stand with my DC for now.
I'm sure once the parties start etc everyone will feel more relaxed

lilyblue5 · 12/09/2023 12:05

Oh goodness, it isn’t always like this I promise! It’s probably first week nerves (parents more than the kids!) join the class whats app if there is one. Join the PTA if you want to make friends too. Hope it gets better quickly x

Tally00 · 12/09/2023 12:08

Just a thought some days I'm really not in the mood for conversation and will deliberately stand away from the crowd hoping nobody will bother me and I probably come across as a mean bitch but I'm just not always in a people mood.
Sometimes I'm friendly and sometimes I'm not usually prefer to talk to quiet people if I haven't got the energy for drama.
Don't take it personally it's them not you.

DatumTarum · 12/09/2023 12:09

Why do you expect to enjoy it? It's a means to get kids to school.

BellaTheDarkOverlord · 12/09/2023 12:10

It’s taken 5 years at school for school mums to start talking to me. I keep my resting bitch face usually so they keep away 😁

ASCCM · 12/09/2023 12:13

Trust me and don’t bother. These playground politics get ridiculous.

I remember when my dd started school , I worked full time so was never there but the clique was a tight and then before Christmas they all fell out and everyone hated each other!! There was so much drama!

stay out of it, you’ll find your tribe with the other normal folk who also don’t need friends or validation through their kids, they’ll like you because you’ll have stuff in common not just because your kids share a classroom!

MathsIsFab · 12/09/2023 12:14

pls don’t feel disheartened!

I was waiting for gates to open and some jolly dad whose kid is apparently friends with mine, tried to start a funny chat…. I was so knackered I just ignored

mornings are tough, give it time x

Thisisme23 · 12/09/2023 12:15

Dont put too much pressure on yourself or the situation. Its only been a week. Also try not to think of the school run as the be all and end all of making friends. Not everyone is interested in chatting at the drop off and some will be rushing off to other things.
You will gradually get to know other Mums through class parties/playdates etc but it wont happen instantly.
If you are concerned and particularly want to make friends - join the PTA, or volunteer to get involved in the class with reading help or similar.
Good Luck

DisorganisedParent · 12/09/2023 12:17

Best thing you can do is outsource it to a childminder, grandparent or use the before and after school clubs. You'll never have to encounter a parent again!

StillWantingADog · 12/09/2023 12:17

It’s def quite awkward but it gets better

find out if there is a class whatsapp, or even set one up. Also it won’t be long until the whole class parties and play dates start- go along and make an effort and it will get better, promise

at our school most (not all and not ours) of
the kids went to the school nursery so did know each other. But of the 8 that didn’t, we mums eventually started up a WhatsApp group and occasional drinks and are still very friendly now that the kids are in y6.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 12/09/2023 12:20

Some people are just twats, at school gate or anywhere.

I recently read some great advice on here, that school parents are like your colleagues not your friends. Sure, they can become friends, but don’t see it as your social life, see it as a job you’re all doing.

I hate the school run because it means I have to get up earlier than I would otherwise have to (on days when I work from home). But that’s obviously just life!

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 12/09/2023 12:22

DisorganisedParent · 12/09/2023 12:17

Best thing you can do is outsource it to a childminder, grandparent or use the before and after school clubs. You'll never have to encounter a parent again!

This is true too - I rarely do an afternoon school run anymore as DS goes to a CM (because my work doesn’t end at 3!)

If you just do the morning one there’s much less of the encountering going on

EvilElsa · 12/09/2023 12:22

It's very early days OP.
I'm well past the school run days now with two older teens, but was never part of the school run crowd really. I'd happily say hi, brief chat about the weather, but I was more focused on just picking up my kids and going home. Never had a fall out, never had an issue. There were a few groups who hung around together, but there were plenty of petty rows and changes of "sides" which all seemed like far too much effort for me for the sake of a few coffee mornings and the odd group dinner.
Just see what forms naturally. Smile and say hi and give it time. My two were never short of play dates and birthday invites despite me not overly bothering to be involved socially. I just saw it for what it is. Five minutes twice a day for your kids.

glassorangerie · 12/09/2023 12:23

Please don't put pressure on yourself to partake in something you find this difficult.
Just being present and pleasant is more than enough.
If, over time, you gradually meet new people, or even friends then that's an added on bonus. Your child will also be his/her natural self, and will make friends in a their natural way, either slowly or quickly, many or a few. Your school gate experience won't influence his/her school experience, at least not in the long run.

Fuckthatguy · 12/09/2023 12:26

Fuck the school run OP, you have better things to occupy your time with other than infantile playground politics!

Primary school parents who are over invested in, and leverage the school network for their social life can be quite frightening.

DoubleTequilaSunrise · 12/09/2023 12:28

Don't expect any more than you'd expect on the platform of your train or bus in the morning. It's just a bunch of complete strangers with too much to do, too much to stress about, there should be no expectation.

Wait until the first parties happen, then you start meeting the parents and you become a lot more friendly with them. If your kids go to the same clubs at weekends or after school, that will help you too.
I am lucky to be in an area where there's no acceptable drop and run until at least year 5 or 6, so you have years to meet the parents properly.

Other parents will end up being life savers when you need emergency pick-up, or emergency childcare and a mine of information and tips. Just let things evolve organically, don't push it.

You can always join the PTA, best way to met people.

Colourfulponderings · 12/09/2023 12:29

I found it changed massively after a few birthday parties when you’re all trapped in a sweaty soft play centre with crap coffee for two hours. You have to pull together for survival and end up chatting.

Moveoverdarlin · 12/09/2023 12:32

I feel your pain OP. I thought my kids starting school would open a whole new social life for me, but it’s very cliquey. Sometimes they speak to me, sometimes they don’t. I try and smile and say hello, but it’s like pulling teeth a lot of the time. What I find funny is that it’s the ones who are most integrated with the school (Mums on the PTA / Friends of School / teaching assistants etc) are the LEAST friendly.

BananaSlug · 12/09/2023 12:35

Everyone said I would make loads of friends when mine started school but it just never happened my kids school is also very cliquey and everyone seems to know each other already, I wouldn’t hold your breath that it will change mine is year 2 now and has only been invited to 2 birthday parties and none of the parents really spoke at those either.

Comeoncarol · 12/09/2023 12:39

Early days OP. Give it time and hopefully you will meet another mum. Just say hi, bye with a smile. I am long past the school gate and it politics with 3 dc's at secondary school. Glad to be out of it but I did meet another mum when my youngest started and we are still friends. My dc's attended a tiny village school and some parents behaved worse than the school kids.

funinthesun19 · 12/09/2023 12:39

My youngest has just started reception, and I’m the same. I seem to be a different person to who I was back when my older children started! Back then I didn’t really care if I met mum friends, but yet I naturally just met them.

Now my youngest is in school and I’m actively trying to speak to people and make eye contact 🤦🏼‍♀️ I don’t know what has come over me. I think I’m kind of doing it for my DD’s sake so that she will make friends easier. And also in the end, I really enjoyed being friendly with the mums in my older children’s classes. Even though at first I didn’t go seeking friendships at all.

I did enjoy being someone who just got on with her day instead of making the school run in to such a mind game for myself!

JohnNolan · 12/09/2023 12:48

It is early days. Ive had 3DC through school and chatting to other parents takes time, I found that when they start going to parties is when you have more of a chance to chat to other parents and build better relationships, this then leads to more chatting at the school hates etc. Also, after school clubs will lead you to know more parents too.

Also, the other parents may know each other as they have older children and they know each other through that.

Dont put any pressure on yourself, it will get easier and you will find more parents to talk as the weeks go on.

MoserRothOrangeandAlmond · 12/09/2023 12:51

@Rainorsunshine I think your thinking to much about it.
At our school (my daughters started reception but my niece is in the juniors) the gates open at 8:40 and close at 8:50 so 10 minute window to take your child in.
I saw 1 parent from daughters class today, smiled... said good morning and went on about my day.
I didn't know that it was such a thing to mingle with parents at school gates until all these threads on mumsnet!