Really need some parenting advice please!!

[Wanttobeok]

Name changed for this and posting for traffic as its a bit time sensitive.

DS 12 recently came out as Bi. Didn't come as a shock and I'm just happy he is happy, but will admit to struggling a bit in terms of worrying whether he will be bullied, will it make his life harder etc

He now has a boyfriend in same year group. From what he's said he seems like a nice boy.

Now DS has asked if he can come over after school.

So what are the rules at this age. Do I need to say they need to stay downstairs, can go upstairs but leave doors open?

Didn't think I'd have to have these sort of conversations so soon tbh and it's making me a bit sad.

He is an only child so I have no experience of how to deal with first boyfriends/girlfriends etc

I'm hoping that at this age its more of a really close best friends thing as I've told him he's too young for a serious relationship (obviously!)

Any words of wisdom?

i remember the first boyfriend in yr 8.. it does seem so young looking at them from our age doesn't it? But when we were that age, we felt so 'grown up'

I think ground rules should be if you're upstairs, the door is kept open, with some trust gained over time if they're together a while.

My DD is 12 and has had lots of chat about being gay, bi etc - I’m just keeping an open mind tbh, but I’m clear that boyfriend/girlfriend relationships at her age are closely monitored. So for me that means they’re in public areas of the house - we have two public rooms so they can have space but anyone can come in at any time. We’ve also had lots of conversations about sex being part of a healthy relationship but, like lots of things, sex is for when she is older.

At the moment any chat of boyfriend or girlfriend has effectively been friendship plus rather than anything involving physical touch beyond holding hands but I’m aware how quickly that can change. Very clear boundaries and conversation about your expectations is important - my position is if she can’t have a conversation about it, she shouldn’t be doing it

At that age I'd say, regardless of boy-boy/boy-girl/girl-girl romantic relationship, that they'd be allowed upstairs but door must remain ajar (not wide open as they need some privacy, but also not closed shut). I'd also want, at some fairly early-ish point, to at least say 'hi' to the new person who will be spending time in my house.

OK thank you so much for responding.

When he first asked this morning I said yes that's fine but doors open etc but then I wondered if they should be downstairs. We do have 2 rooms so that would be fine...although it means I will have to clean this afternoon. I've already run around sticking Bleach in toilets 🤣

The other thing is that according to DS the other boys parents don't know he isn't straight but obviously that is his choice

At 12 i would not have bf /gf in bedrooms... Perfectly acceptable to offer a room with TV /snacks downstairs.... My dc know not to ask until 16.

Ds14 told me his mate has just become a df at 14....oh my days...
My ds admitted having sex with his gf at 14 after her dps allowed them in her room. Sti prevention is just as important as no dc!

Maybe I'm old fashioned but I would not entertain this. 12 is way too young for any 'relationship'.

But surely if you tell them they can't have a boyfriend/girlfriend then they will just carry on but not tell you about it?

I've told him he's too young for anything serious emotionally or physically.

I monitor his phone so I know they are not having inappropriate conversations. I feel that without pushing him away that's all I can do.

I must admit I feel more comfortable with them being downstairs so I think that will be my rule