To not inform estranged family of health issue?

[Professionalmess]

My last contact with immediate (father and sister, mother is long deceased) and extended family was via a solicitor nearly 10 years ago. They don't try to get in contact anymore and neither do I.

It's been a glorious 10 years where I have been able to flourish.

A couple of weeks ago I fell at home and sustained a break that required surgery. Nothing life threatening, it just wouldn't have healed properly otherwise.

I'm open about my estrangement with those in my life now.

A colleague is shocked I didn't get in touch with my father or sister at least, to let them know I was hurt.

I know I'm not BU as it's my choice. I'm coping post operatively without help. I'm able to arrange for professionals to help should something come up. The only request I've asked if anyone is my neighbour feeding my pets one night whilst I was in hospital, a favour we regularly trade for holidays etc.

So... I don't need their practical help (not that they're local enough), experience tells me they would not be an emotional support, I don't need financial help. I feel like they would be detrimental to my mental health should I give them 'an in'. Why would anyone think they need to know?

I don't know what I expecting from this. Just needed to put this down and maybe get some other perspectives.

When I read the title I thought you were going to say you had been diagnosed with some kind of genetic condition, in which case you should contact estranged family members, by letter if necessary so that they could be tested.

However, under the circumstances you describe, no, why would you inform them? What are they going to do? At best nothing... and at worst, use it as a way to get back into your life.

You have your life now, which sounds great without them in it. Sounds like you are single (or living alone), like me, and without family around (I live abroad) this means that you need to make other arrangements if there are any health care issues. I have a plan for things like this as you obviously do too.

You'd be just opening a whole can of worms if you got back in touch with them. They'd probably see it as cheeky anyway... OP has been living the life of riley for 10 years, couldn't be arsed to contact us, poor us, we are so badly done to and now OP has broken a limb she expects us to come running. Obviously that's not what you were expecting, but they could perceive it as such. They sound toxic and they'd turn anything around to make you out to be the bad one. Fuck them.

Colleague has absolutely no idea what you have been through and what you could be inviting into your life if you did contact them so she should mind her own business instead of being "shocked".

Yup. This.

Also. If I told my NC family member I’d been hurt in an accident all they’d do sit on their arse and ring around everyone they could getting sympathy because of “how deathly worried” they have been about me. Then tell everyone “they knew I’d come around eventually” and “I needed them and couldn’t cope with the injury without them”.

There would be no support practically/emotionally etc. If I asked it would be a “well when I sprained my ankle in 1984 I had no help from my parents and had to get on with it”.

As you were OP. Those who get it do, and those who don’t, don’t. Speedy recovery ❤️‍🩹

Some people just cannot understand it, they're convinced all families are supportive. Or, the are brainwashed into thinking theirs is.

If I had an operation I'd doubt I'd mention it immediately to my family, and we're very much in contact.

Ignore your colleague. I hope you feel better soon.

Why on earth would your colleague expect you to share news of your health issues with people you don't like and haven't spoken to for a decade? It would be more weird if you had told them!

Anyway, it's none of your colleague's business so she needs to wind her neck in and pipe down.

I thought this was going to be about some type of genetic disorder that would affect the next generation. And I thought to myself that that's an interesting dilemma.

But routine surgery when you're NC? Nope. In fact it would be slightly odd "hey dad, just letting you know I'm having a routine orthopeadic surgery. No need to contact me".

NC here too and there's nothing that would induce me to get in touch.

People just don't get it. If I was ill the last thing I would have done is told my mother, in case she found a way to kick me when I was down.