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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Embarrassed myself at work

37 replies

Phillipson · 12/09/2023 07:32

So yesterday I had a manic day at work and essentially had to keep leaving a meeting with my manager to deal with things cropping up. I was a bit flustered. Ended up making sloppy mistakes. Can tell manager was annoyed. Aibu to feel anxious about this? I feel like I might get pulled up in a formal meeting to explain my actions. Nothing serious happened but it was a series of bad judgment calls.

OP posts:
ScarlettSunset · 12/09/2023 07:36

Why would you keep leaving a meeting with your manager? If I'm in a meeting then generally everything waits until the meeting is over.
If something comes up that is really urgent, the meeting is rescheduled for a different time.

rwalker · 12/09/2023 07:36

I’d speak to them first thing just say what you’ve said here

OnAFrolicOfMyOwn · 12/09/2023 07:37

When you say 'things cropping up' I take it this was nothing of life-or-death importance?

All you can do is admit you made an error of judgement and explain what you will do next time - go on 'do not disturb' and if necessary, ask someone else to be the point of contact for support during meetings.

You could, in mitigation, say something along the lines of wanting to be available to support your team and not liking to leave people unsupported - but you realise on this occasion you got your priorities wrong.

Original poster
Phillipson · 12/09/2023 07:38

Bit of a weird set up but the meeting was booked for 5 hours straight (12pm-5pm) as a sort of brainstorming session. Meanwhile issues were going on outside of this

OP posts:
OnAFrolicOfMyOwn · 12/09/2023 07:40

For long meetings like that, it's reasonable to ask someone to cover - and put their name on your OOO or Teams status - then go on 'do not disturb' or silence your phone.

Original poster
Phillipson · 12/09/2023 07:41

Thanks. Dreading going to work

OP posts:
Bumpinthenight · 12/09/2023 07:42

Presumably they were work issues that were cropping up.
Maybe your manager wasn't impressed at the rest of the team not being able to manage without you and disturbing you.

FUPAgirl · 12/09/2023 07:43

As others have said, you need to commit to one thing at a time - either trouble shooting the team's work or the meeting. You cannot try and do both at the same time (as you have discovered!).

As others have said, just have a conversation with your manager to say you recognise that it was a bad day and how you would manage this if it happened again. Either asking for the meeting to be deferred, nominating someone else to deal with the issues that were going on outside of the meeting or asking for a half hour break from the (5 hr!!) meeting to go sort it all out, but only do that if you can then come back focussed on the meeting.

It sounds like a crappy stressy day, but just use it as a learning experience.

GreyCarpet · 12/09/2023 07:44

It's only work. Don't dread it but maybe there are things you could jendping to ensure it doesn't happen again - like making it obvious as someone else suggested that you ae available rather than trying to deal with your job when you should be in a meeting.

Do you have trouble asserting yourself? Are you a bit of a people pleaser? Or just a bit disorganised? Your manager can help you with managing expectations and work

Defiantjazz · 12/09/2023 07:47

Why would your manager by annoyed by you doing your job? A 5 hour brainstorming session doesn’t sound like a priority to me tbh.

FloatyBoaty · 12/09/2023 07:48

I’d turn this around. I’d go in today and speak to your manager. It doesn’t need to be and shouldn’t be combative, but I’d say something like:

“I was thinking about it last night, and long brainstorming sessions like yesterday don’t really work without cover do they! It certainly made me feel very stressed/concerned about quality control of tasks/ put me in a position where I couldn’t do my best work- and I don’t think that was fair. I think for next time it would be really beneficial for everyone if we worked out a cover system (or put in a midway formalized “break” to deal with anything urgent if you’re in a time sensitive response environment etc)”

and see what they say. Ultimately you were set up to fail, if they put you in a 5 hour meeting, didn’t arrange or have flex in the team for cover or contingency, and nothing could wait.

Elieza · 12/09/2023 07:52

I agree with the previous poster.
Just tell him what you’ve told us.

If you have solutions for future events suggest them. ie if Julie gets trained to do x and Sophie gets trained to do Y then they can provide cover at these events.

Or that a ten minute pre scheduled break per hour would allow you to go deal with things, so the team would save them up for you for 50mins and nobody would panic. But that you may be a little late back.

Breakout rooms are also good for that as you (or your boss depending on who is fighting the fires) just don’t go on one while the rest do. Giving you time to do urgent stuff.

If he thinks you prioritised incorrectly then you can say you’ve learned from this experience. Although when was he expecting the day job work to be covered? After 5pm at night or something? Tomorrow? If he provides a clear steer then you’ll know for the future and he can carry the can when things go wrong and didn’t get fixed sane day.

If things are so urgent you need more staff. What would happen if you go off sick? You need cover for all posts. So perhaps additional staff required? Are you exhausted as doing too much for too long? Does he appreciate how much you do - or even know?

andrainwillmaketheflowersgrow · 12/09/2023 07:53

What were the things that kept cropping up?

Did your manager expect you have to put cover in place for your meeting maybe?

NeedToChangeName · 12/09/2023 07:54

I'm old enough to have a sense of perspective. So many things like this aren't as bad as they feel at the time

A good yardstick is "will this matter in a year's time?"

I suggest you approach your manager with suggestions of how to avoid scenario happening again (or ask their advice), rather than complaining or making excuses. I'm sure it'll all be fine

Original poster
Phillipson · 12/09/2023 08:08

Felt a bit overwhelmed so I ended up calling my employee assistance line - they thought what happened isn’t a big deal and I’m overthinking it…

I’m going to head into work shortly and see what my manager does, before raising anything. I hope the employee assistance advisor is right and that my manager doesn’t think it’s as serious as I did earlier

OP posts:
InterFactual · 12/09/2023 08:13

Good luck today OP, keep your cool and remember it's only work. We all make mistakes sometimes and it doesn't sound like yours cost anything or had a serious impact. If anything you're guilty of being too helpful! Hold your head up high and be proud that your biggest flaw is actually a positive thing in the right context.

Janieforever · 12/09/2023 08:20

Were they genuinely things that could not wait and you had to leave the meeting to deal with? There was no way to agree a break for 30 mins half way through to be able to deal with urgent issues?

this is really key, were the things so urgent they couldn’t wait or be dealt with my someone else, thus this needed to be explained to the manager, or were you just rushing out for stuff that could wait.

Original poster
Phillipson · 12/09/2023 08:22

Honestly a bit of both! In the space of 5 hours:

I arrived a few minutes late, though I wasn’t sure if my manager made it on site or not so that was more of a miscommunication. They told me they were at a shop so would be late coming over, but didn’t reply to my message. I was nearby saying hello to colleagues then joined him
I left to take 1 phone call
Someone knocked on the door to speak to me and I went outside and spoke to them

OP posts:
Doggymummar · 12/09/2023 08:25

I would suggest these meetings are held off-site in future and a proper cover system put in place.

Janieforever · 12/09/2023 08:28

Phillipson · 12/09/2023 08:22

Honestly a bit of both! In the space of 5 hours:

I arrived a few minutes late, though I wasn’t sure if my manager made it on site or not so that was more of a miscommunication. They told me they were at a shop so would be late coming over, but didn’t reply to my message. I was nearby saying hello to colleagues then joined him
I left to take 1 phone call
Someone knocked on the door to speak to me and I went outside and spoke to them

Edited

So only two things then?

Fallenangelofthenorth · 12/09/2023 08:28

Phillipson · 12/09/2023 08:22

Honestly a bit of both! In the space of 5 hours:

I arrived a few minutes late, though I wasn’t sure if my manager made it on site or not so that was more of a miscommunication. They told me they were at a shop so would be late coming over, but didn’t reply to my message. I was nearby saying hello to colleagues then joined him
I left to take 1 phone call
Someone knocked on the door to speak to me and I went outside and spoke to them

Edited

So in the space of 5 hours, you took out maybe 15 minutes? I do think you're catastrophising. I totally sympathise as I have a tendency to do the same.

I like @NeedToChangeName advice above about thinking "will this matter in a year".

MammaTo · 12/09/2023 08:44

Totally over reacting, you’ll be fine!

Tombero · 12/09/2023 08:53

FloatyBoaty · 12/09/2023 07:48

I’d turn this around. I’d go in today and speak to your manager. It doesn’t need to be and shouldn’t be combative, but I’d say something like:

“I was thinking about it last night, and long brainstorming sessions like yesterday don’t really work without cover do they! It certainly made me feel very stressed/concerned about quality control of tasks/ put me in a position where I couldn’t do my best work- and I don’t think that was fair. I think for next time it would be really beneficial for everyone if we worked out a cover system (or put in a midway formalized “break” to deal with anything urgent if you’re in a time sensitive response environment etc)”

and see what they say. Ultimately you were set up to fail, if they put you in a 5 hour meeting, didn’t arrange or have flex in the team for cover or contingency, and nothing could wait.

This seems a good approach.

Janieforever · 12/09/2023 08:57

Tombero · 12/09/2023 08:53

This seems a good approach.

Show quote history

It would be, but since the op has said she simply took one call and spoke to someone who knocked then there is no issue and nothing should be said.

I’ve no idea why she wrote she had to keep leaving and it was manic.

andrainwillmaketheflowersgrow · 12/09/2023 08:58

Phillipson · 12/09/2023 08:22

Honestly a bit of both! In the space of 5 hours:

I arrived a few minutes late, though I wasn’t sure if my manager made it on site or not so that was more of a miscommunication. They told me they were at a shop so would be late coming over, but didn’t reply to my message. I was nearby saying hello to colleagues then joined him
I left to take 1 phone call
Someone knocked on the door to speak to me and I went outside and spoke to them

Edited

You are massively overthinking this 🙈