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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Second week at work. Can't cope. AIBU?

22 replies

Backtowork11 · 11/09/2023 20:10

I've just started my second week at work in a new job after having a fair bit of time out of the work place. I've worked on and off very part time since having my DC five years ago.

This is my first full time job since, so to speak. But it's school hours more or less and term time only.

The only thing is, I'm ready to quit already.

I'm exhausted. The job is very full on and both mentally and emotionally draining. It also prevents me dropping and picking up DC from school which DC is struggling to cope with. DC also hates school and it can be very trying getting him to go in the first place. We are in contact with the school regarding getting an official ASD diagnosis for DC.

On top of that I'm supposed to be starting my final year at Uni in a few weeks and I have no idea how I'm going to keep on top of the work as well as doing my job, the house work and looking after DC. I'm also supposed to be on campus which isn't too much of an issue if I keep on top of the work.

Added to which, I have MH problems and suffer with extreme tiredness. I also suspect I have ASD like DC.

So all of the above is making it very difficult for me to cope with working.

DH wage can more or less cover basics but ideally we need my income for things like Christmases, Holidays, etc.

DH doesn't understand how hard I find it and thinks I just need to give it more time and I don't want to let him down but even if I broach this again in 6 months he still won't understand how hard it is for me.

I really enjoy the job but it just takes everything out of me. I also want to provide DC with opportunities that without my wage we can't provide.

I don't know what to do.

AIBU to let everyone down and quit?

OP posts:
Original poster
Backtowork11 · 11/09/2023 20:11

I also have Tics which manifest in cold weather and times of stress. Haven't had them for months and today they started again.

OP posts:
Wasywasydoodah · 11/09/2023 20:14

Something has to give here. But your job sounds ideal in so many ways. Can you pause uni for a year, get a cleaner and focus on establishing your work and supporting dc as priorities for the next few months?

Original poster
Backtowork11 · 11/09/2023 20:17

Wasywasydoodah · 11/09/2023 20:14

Something has to give here. But your job sounds ideal in so many ways. Can you pause uni for a year, get a cleaner and focus on establishing your work and supporting dc as priorities for the next few months?

I don't know. I don't know what to do about anything at the moment. I'm finding even having to shower everyday for work is taking it out of me. My MH means I don't shower every day but work means I have to. But also it is ideal and I do enjoy my role.

OP posts:
Glorifried · 11/09/2023 20:17

I work in a school and study too - if you do bits of study along the way you will have a week off in Oct and can really get your head down and study then. Don't give up.

It feels overwhelming for everyone the first few weeks back.

Original poster
Backtowork11 · 11/09/2023 20:19

Glorifried · 11/09/2023 20:17

I work in a school and study too - if you do bits of study along the way you will have a week off in Oct and can really get your head down and study then. Don't give up.

It feels overwhelming for everyone the first few weeks back.

I can't do that. Week off in October is spent looking after my DC.

OP posts:
PicaK · 11/09/2023 20:20

Have you thought about being a Clerk to the Governors?
It is horrendous in school offices atm. I mean it's always busy but start of the year is full on. And you're not up to speed. It's a hell of a learning curve.
I'd give it a few more weeks and review but do look at the Clerk stuff.

Fallenangelofthenorth · 11/09/2023 20:20

I don't think you've given it long enough. A new job can often feel overwhelming, especially if you're having to learn new skills. It can really take it out of you at first. I'd do what pp says and try and get to October half term at least. Especially, since you do need the money.

picturethispatsy · 11/09/2023 20:21

Poor you. I feel tired just thinking about all you have to do!
All I can say is you are not a machine, you are a human woman who has a limited amount of energy. Something has to give or you will burn out. What are your instincts telling you?

stayathomer · 11/09/2023 20:25

When I started my job after ten year away I used to lie in bed shaking from exhaustion, nearly crying. It honestly takes at least a month for it to start clicking. Think of the advantages, the money, the human interaction, how great you feel when it goes well. Your child hasn’t had time to get used to it either and you being on the edge is possibly rubbing off. Take a deep breath and give yourself a few weeks. And treat yourself to something with your first wage. Best of luck op, I swear to god most people who were sahms have been there x

Original poster
Backtowork11 · 11/09/2023 20:27

PicaK · 11/09/2023 20:20

Have you thought about being a Clerk to the Governors?
It is horrendous in school offices atm. I mean it's always busy but start of the year is full on. And you're not up to speed. It's a hell of a learning curve.
I'd give it a few more weeks and review but do look at the Clerk stuff.

I'm not in the office, but thank you. :) I'm a TA.

OP posts:
Original poster
Backtowork11 · 11/09/2023 20:29

picturethispatsy · 11/09/2023 20:21

Poor you. I feel tired just thinking about all you have to do!
All I can say is you are not a machine, you are a human woman who has a limited amount of energy. Something has to give or you will burn out. What are your instincts telling you?

Ah thank you! My brain is telling me to quit, lay in bed all day with the cat and disengage from society!

OP posts:
Original poster
Backtowork11 · 11/09/2023 20:29

Fallenangelofthenorth · 11/09/2023 20:20

I don't think you've given it long enough. A new job can often feel overwhelming, especially if you're having to learn new skills. It can really take it out of you at first. I'd do what pp says and try and get to October half term at least. Especially, since you do need the money.

You're probably right. It does feel premature for throwing the towel in. It's only the first day of the second week.

OP posts:
Original poster
Backtowork11 · 11/09/2023 20:30

stayathomer · 11/09/2023 20:25

When I started my job after ten year away I used to lie in bed shaking from exhaustion, nearly crying. It honestly takes at least a month for it to start clicking. Think of the advantages, the money, the human interaction, how great you feel when it goes well. Your child hasn’t had time to get used to it either and you being on the edge is possibly rubbing off. Take a deep breath and give yourself a few weeks. And treat yourself to something with your first wage. Best of luck op, I swear to god most people who were sahms have been there x

Thank you for this x

OP posts:
Babyroobs · 11/09/2023 20:31

I honestly don't understand how you can be doing your final year at Uni and working full time ? Or is the Uni course part time ?

Original poster
Backtowork11 · 11/09/2023 20:35

Babyroobs · 11/09/2023 20:31

I honestly don't understand how you can be doing your final year at Uni and working full time ? Or is the Uni course part time ?

Yes the uni course is full time and the new jobs means I won't be able to attend any lectures or seminars on campus. I was relying on the online resources the course team posts, plus the lectures are normally recorded for later viewing. But I don't think I'll have the energy to keep on top of the work tbh

OP posts:
picturethispatsy · 11/09/2023 20:36

Backtowork11 · 11/09/2023 20:29

Ah thank you! My brain is telling me to quit, lay in bed all day with the cat and disengage from society!

Show quote history

Sounds mighty fine to me.
Nothing better than your family having a relaxed mum/partner to come home to. Think of it as service to others 😁
If you can afford it do it.

CremeEggThief · 11/09/2023 20:38

I think you should give the job until October half-term and then reassess and definitely defer uni this year. There's no way you'll cope adding that to the mix as well.

Findingmypurposeinlife · 11/09/2023 20:41

@Babyroobs I do it too. Work 2 jobs over 7 days and attend 8 hours of classes at uni each week. (There are evening classes available)
The rest of the course is done in your own time.
OP: I know how physically and mentally demanding and exhausting it is. And a huge congrats for getting to your final year! Don't give up now. Things have ways of falling into place when you least expect them too. Don't underestimate how far you have come.

HaroldMeaker · 11/09/2023 20:53

I think you should quit your job and concentrate on obtaining your degree. It's only a few more months if you're in the final year and you already have so much on your plate.
Get a job in a shop or something part time if you must. Hats off to you though for trying to do all this, honestly.

TicTac80 · 11/09/2023 21:04

YANBU, and I do completely understand your desire to stay at home with the cat and disengage from society (I feel like doing that too, sometimes!)....and FWIW, I say that as someone who has worked FT for years (and is used to working FT whilst juggling kids, life etc). I think the first few weeks back from school hols and getting back into routines etc is normally a bit of a bugger: I'm a week in after having just two weeks off for annual leave and I'm all squiffy! Why not give it a few weeks, whilst you find your feet and see how things go from there x

stayathomer · 13/09/2023 22:15

Backtowork11
Best of luck with it all x

yoshiblue · 13/09/2023 22:34

Personally I don't think you can work school hours and also do a full time degree, especially final year on top of looking after kids.

You need to choose one or the other...

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