To pay 50/50 in joint account bills

[Daisiesandstuff17]

So neither me or DH earn huge amounts but I earn several £ more per hour, I also work on average 10 hours more per week than he does and I have a small side business that earns me a little extra each month (£50-£100 maybe).

I also have a large amount of savings from inheritance (I never use these savings), and the house we live in was bought in full by me (inheritance and my pre marital savings) so we have no rent/mortgage.

I have a car and I pay all of its upkeep and bills from my personal account. DH doesn’t drive. I use the car for work mostly but we use it for holidays and days out regularly.

When we do jobs in the house, I always pay more, usually quite a bit more but sometimes we go 50:50 on small jobs. For example we had new doors and windows, I paid about 75% of the bill.

All our household bills and food come from the joint account. We each pay in the same amount each month (about £300)

DH has suggested this is unfair given he earns so much less than me and doesn’t have significant savings. I feel it is his choice to only work 20-25 hours per week.

I understand I am financially better off but I feel I have given us the benefit of not having a mortgage or high rent. I don’t live a lavish lifestyle and I save each month. I am happy paying for more of the household tasks like a new kitchen or flooring as I get it doesn’t always need to be 50:50. But I feel I take on enough extra than it is fair we both share equally in our monthly bills.

aibu?

he originally went to part time a few years ago as he was depressed. He never really sought any treatment and I wouldn’t describe him as depressed now, I think he’s just got used to part time work. Being frank I’m not sure he was ever depressed; he is just a bleeping misery.

He does do things around the house but I wouldn’t say the majority at all.

his main point is that even if he did full time hours he wouldn’t earn as much as me… Okay but he would have a lot more! He is always complaining he doesn’t have enough money so just work more surely…

I am very aware that whilst I don’t believe he married me for my money, I have made a huge mistake in that respect. I was advised that my savings, as long as never co mingled should stay as mine if we separated. That and a short marriage at present offers me some protection in terms of my home. You live and you learn… 🙈

If you think your marriage was a mistake, get legal advice asap and get out as soon as you can. A shorter marriage is likely to have far less impact on your finances than a longer one, especially as you don't have children.
I made a mistake like this too, but because my marriage was short, the financial side eventually just got resolved by just putting us back as we would have been had we never married (even though we did have a child).

Oh gosh OP, if he wants more money in his pocket then he needs to work more. Do not have children with this man unless he grows up considerably.

Sadly, OP, your husband is representing a growing trend of people who value their work life balance ( ie working part time) but still want the benefits of a full time salary. Mental well-being is often quoted but, as in your case, it seems that laziness/cba is the driving force.

It's not an attractive trait and it would put me off.
He's benefiting from your largesse.
He needs to shape up or ship out.

This is your decision to make.

I think the fact he is choosing to work less is an issue.

For part of our relationship my wife left a good paying job to do a less stressful but minimum wage job. During that time I covered a greater proportion of the outgoings as it was worth the money to see her happy.

Now she earns slightly more than me we split things 50:50. She saves the difference so that we hopefully end up with similar pensions/savings at retirement.

I guess it depends whether you think he could increase his hours without affecting your relationship and what he wants to do with the money.

OP you should be paying fully for upkeep / renovations to the house and the car. He doesn't even drive and you will get any growth on the house. I don't think that should earn you any "bonus points"

That being said - he chose to work part time, I would suggest saying you adjust for him having a lower salary (because I would think you would expect the same from him if it was reversed) but not for the hours. Like - of you earn £10 an hour and he earns £9 - then you pay 10/19 = 52% and he pays the remainder

If he wants more money, he should work full time. Then if he still earns less than you, you put in proportionally according to your respective earnings.

It would be different if you had DC and he were doing most of the caring and housework, but that's not your situation.

In your shoes I would seek legal advice as a matter of urgency. You want to be sure that he would have no claim on the house or the inheritance if you were to divorce.

Kindly meant OP, but stop faffing about and get legal advice and get rid of him.

A lazy, workshy, entitled, misery?

Stop wasting YOUR time.

I think in marriage both should have an equal amount left over after bills for their own spending, but in your case he has essentially taken some of his share as 'free time' rather than 'fun money'. This is how I would be explaining it to him. That doesn't make his a wrong choice necessarily, as we all have differing ideas on work/life balance, but does have the consequence of less spending money in his share.
The discrepancy in your hourly wage is (more than) made up by you paying a greater share of the one-off bills plus all car costs (I know he doesn't drive it, but he benefits from its use on days out & holidays).

We've obviously seen different threads.

You are being taken for a mug!