To feel guilty | Mumsnet

Bluesss · 2023-09-11T08:24:38+00:00

Dropping my just turned 4 year old at reception. This is her 4th day and she has ran off 3 times down the play ground and has been upset saying she doesn’t want to go in. I feel guilty as I know it’s not compulsory until she turns 5.

ASCCM · 11/09/2023 09:35

It wont be any easier if you take her out and then try and re-introduce. I don't understand this guilt, Kids have to get an education, you have started your child at the one intake of the year for their age range. Some kids hate school. Some take a while to adjust.

You are massively overthinking IMO. Just keep taking them everyday and it will get better!

Elfblossom · 11/09/2023 09:59

Why is your child going now?

Is it because you need the childcare to work?

Many children aren't ready for that amount of separation and that's perfectly normal.

What's not normal is forcing small children into more and more time away from parents at an increasingly younger age - forcing them to sit down, Sit still, be quiet, control their bladders & emotions.

leapgro · 11/09/2023 10:01

@Bluesss that sounds hard OP. Has she been in a childcare setting before like nursery? If not it will likely settle in a couple of weeks?

Original poster

Bluesss · 11/09/2023 12:29

She’s been to nursery 3 days a week prior to starting school. When she turned 4 we had a letter from the council about applying for her school place for this September and the nursery were encouraging us to apply for her school place also. She enjoys it when there and the teachers put photos of her and she’s smiling and making friends. It’s just the mornings that are difficult. I do work

OP posts:

Original poster

Bluesss · 11/09/2023 12:31

Her class is very play based, they do forest school and lots of outdoor play and learning.

OP posts:

Chestnutz · 11/09/2023 12:53

The change is a big thing and it’s quite often the thought of it they don’t like and then they forget about it. However on a couple of occasions when we had refusal early on there was an underlying reason that they didn’t know how to resolve. 1. Being bossed around by her friend and didn’t know how to say no nicely. 2. An aggressive child in the class steamrolled over them 3. Not enough time to eat lunch (we arranged for them to go to the front of the queue but it turns out they were too busy chatting and not eating).

She always ended up in school though and never let her stay home (one of the youngest in her year and had been full time nursery before hand).
It took a little bit for her to open up about her concerns (usually late in the evening) and she did need some help to resolve them.

Chestnutz · 11/09/2023 12:55

I also painted a pebble with her name on it so she could keep it in her pocket and squeeze it to remind her she was brave and we were thinking of her if she needed it.

FortheBeautyoftheEarth · 11/09/2023 12:56

Elfblossom · 11/09/2023 09:59

Why is your child going now?

Is it because you need the childcare to work?

Many children aren't ready for that amount of separation and that's perfectly normal.

What's not normal is forcing small children into more and more time away from parents at an increasingly younger age - forcing them to sit down, Sit still, be quiet, control their bladders & emotions.

Well I think your point is valid but given the poster says she's feeling guilty, you've just made it 100 times worse!!

Elfblossom · 11/09/2023 13:54

If people need the childcare then what point is 'feeling guilty'? That doesn't help either the parent or the child.

Accept the feeling, assess if you can do anything differently, if you can - do if not then move past guilt into acceptance.

Elfblossom · 11/09/2023 13:56

Bluesss · 11/09/2023 12:29

She’s been to nursery 3 days a week prior to starting school. When she turned 4 we had a letter from the council about applying for her school place for this September and the nursery were encouraging us to apply for her school place also. She enjoys it when there and the teachers put photos of her and she’s smiling and making friends. It’s just the mornings that are difficult. I do work

How is she sleeping?

My youngest child is now 14 but he's had anxiety and OCD since nursery and these are much worse when he's overtired.

Maryamlouise · 11/09/2023 16:33

Actually leaving the house to go to school my eldest was fine but at the moment of separation and going in screamed and total refusal. This might not be very encouraging as it did take weeks to get better but it did get better and apparently within a minute of entering the classroom he was totally happy and within just a couple of months in was super keen to rush into school and be with friends. Our school were fantastic and really helpful with different strategies to make it easier and so maybe chat to them if there is anything they can do - coming in a different way, a little bit earlier etc avoiding the overwhelm of everyone, any special thing she can do on going in even as simple as helping take the register up to the office. Good luck!

Hubblebubble · 11/09/2023 16:38

The nursery might have some tips too

nicas · 11/09/2023 16:43

"What's not normal is forcing small children into more and more time away from parents at an increasingly younger age - forcing them to sit down, Sit still, be quiet, control their bladders & emotions."

It's very normal for 4 year olds to control their bladders, and they're not forced to sit still and be quiet in reception!

Elfblossom · 11/09/2023 17:44

nicas · 11/09/2023 16:43

"What's not normal is forcing small children into more and more time away from parents at an increasingly younger age - forcing them to sit down, Sit still, be quiet, control their bladders & emotions."

It's very normal for 4 year olds to control their bladders, and they're not forced to sit still and be quiet in reception!

I don't mean control bladders as in be toilet trained/out of nappies - I mean, they can't go when they 'need' to - they're told 'you should have gone at break time.

And children in reception absolutely ARE expected to sit still and be quiet for periods of time.

If your child's school isn't like that then think you and your children lucky.