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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To Consider Rehoming My Cats…

28 replies

Sadcatlover · 11/09/2023 08:41

Please be kind, I’m upset about getting to this stage… Posting in AIBU for traffic as Litter Tray seems quiet.

okay. We have two cats, one is 5 one is 4. Both ragdolls (although one is only half…)

we used to live in London and therefore due to breed and space they are indoors only. We now live up North, on an estate with lots of local cats.

I love them so so much and they’re like our first children.

They have always been pretty well behaved- a bit scratchy on furniture but they’ve had a great routine and they’ve seemed happy and loved. We have plenty of toys and scratching pads and two litter trays.

We also have a DS, who’s almost two and seems to struggle with allergies just like me- we’re now on eggs, dairy and nuts.

Since my pregnancy, I’ve suffered really badly from being allergic to the cats. Especially the younger boy cat who is really affectionate. He used to cuddle me and I’d get hives or my eyes would swell. I thought it was just a pregnancy thing but it still hasn’t gone away. It’s not as bad as it was and I take antihistamine every day, but it means when he’s climbing for cuddles I have to move him away.

We’ve upped brushing them, using an anti-allergy liquid on them (which they hate) but there’s still underlying allergy issues.

they always used to have free reign of the house but they’ve taken to scratching outside my little boys door and waking him up. they are increasingly scratching patches of the carpet on repeat…

We’ve tried feliway and positive reinforcement but they just keep doing it, so we’ve had to start locking them in the kitchen from about 3am to 7.30am so they don’t wake up DS.

now the girl cat has started weeing outside the door when we shut her in the kitchen. She’s done it every day for almost two weeks. We’ve tried puppy pads and moving the litter tray, but there’s just no difference: every morning we have to mop the floors and kitchen counters as they pad it around.

I just don’t know what to do for the best. I guess they must be stressed and unhappy, maybe a little jealous of DS, but they’re my babies, I don’t want to leave them with someone else unless I have to. This is their home… Would you judge someone who rehomed their cats?

Would letting them out help? I don’t know if they would be in danger due to the other cats and their lack of skills with other animals. Would I just be letting them out to their deaths?

Is there anything I’m missing with the weeing on the floor?

What are the options for rehoming? How do I find somewhere for them to go?

Any tips are welcomed. I feel like the worst cat mummy…

OP posts:
Beamur · 11/09/2023 08:45

How difficult for you.
Letting them out won't solve this and will probably put them at risk.
Heartbreaking though it is, I suspect rehoming is your best option. Both for the cats and the humans.
Find a reputable rescue or a breed specific one.

Stompythedinosaur · 11/09/2023 08:49

I think if you are allergic then you probably need to re-home.

I agree that they sound unhappy and shutting them in the kitchen doesn't sound like a good option for them.

crystal1983 · 11/09/2023 08:57

It’s very hard.

weeing out of the litter tray is generally a sign of something medical (poo is behavioural) so take her to the vet. It’s probably worth having a chat to the vet about it all as they will be able to recommend

letting them out will probably give them a lot more stimulation (depending on how much you play with them now) so could well tackle the scratching thing

the allergy thing is hard to get round though

how hard for you though.

caringcarer · 11/09/2023 09:00

I think many cats scratch carpets and provided you've given them a scratching post there is not much more you can do. My cats scratch the carpet on the stairs but I tolerate it because I love them. I wouldn't shut cats in kitchen as you are making them stressed. That is why one cat is weeing to show her displeasure with you. I think your DC will just learn to sleep through the cats over time if they scratch outside his room. I'd keep taking antihistamines and ask your DH who is not allergic to make a fuss of the cats. It sounds like your cats used to get more attention and now you have DC the cats get shut away for hours at a time with no attention. They show you they don't like this.

onlylovecanhurtlikethis · 11/09/2023 09:12

In this situation OP I'd sadly re home and I don't say that lightly. Cats are really perceptive and unsettled easily - a new child and an owner who pushes them away from giving affection and them being sprayed with anti allergy stuff and then being locked in a room. It's definitely causing the additional scratching and wee ing. It's not fair on them. I had similar (without the allergies) when I had my twins. But mine have always been outdoor and indoor cats (but without a catflap) - I've now installed a catflap so they can come and go and avoid the kids whenever they need to and it's hugely improved. But with cats that have never been outdoor before....I find that they aren't the most streetwise and do tend to be much more vulnerable to being injured by other cats and cars. Even if you let them out though this doesn't overcome the allergy issue

Original poster
Sadcatlover · 11/09/2023 09:15

Thank you all. I’m a bit gutted as I was hoping a magical cat whisperer would come with solutions and I wouldn’t have to consider rehoming…

I’m going to try the vets first, just to check the weeing situation. But I agree, I think they’re stressed and unhappy.

I have no idea how to start rehoming. I’ve never even considered it before, I don’t know where to start or who to look for…

OP posts:
TizerorFizz · 11/09/2023 09:20

Is there a Rag Doll breed association? They might have a rehoming service. We had a dog and when I searched for a puppy, the breed association had dogs for rehoming. So try a Rag Doll breed association. I assume one exists.

Fernticket · 11/09/2023 09:25

Cats Protection League will also be able to help

onlylovecanhurtlikethis · 11/09/2023 09:28

Being pedigree cats i would think they will be fairly easy to rehome - don't advertise on social media groups though - go through local charities (although I follow lots and most have a wait list)

Ask family and friends - wouldn't any of them consider taking them on?

Theunamedcat · 11/09/2023 09:30

Have you tried a catio? Expands there horizons and keeps them safe?

eastiseastwestiswest · 11/09/2023 09:30

With the wee thing you need to put bowls of food in the area they have weed in- they don't wee where there is food. Also the enzyme cat wee stuff (Amazon) is really
Good for helping with the smell.

But if you're allergic then you may need to rehome as it doesn't sound like a good scenario.

crystal1983 · 11/09/2023 09:38

Or try a cat behaviourist? They are basically cat whisperers

Poppyseed14 · 11/09/2023 10:05

There is a Facebook group called Ragdoll Rescue who will be able to advise you best on rehoming them if that's the route you decide to go down. Please don't make them outdoor OP as Ragdolls as a breed aren't the smartest and they aren't supposed to be let out.

DisquietintheRanks · 11/09/2023 10:10

You're allergic, they're unhappy, so you rehome them. Your duty as their owner is to find them a home where they'll be happy, not necessarily to keep them with you til their dying day.

Bluntly put, you'll miss them far more than they'll miss you.

nevynevster · 11/09/2023 10:17

Have you tried Purina LiveClear food? My DS was massively allergic to our 2nd rescue cat (apparently some cats trigger worse than others and we'd no clue DS was allergic). It was during Covid so couldn't easily return the cat back to rescue place so I tried this food. It's brilliant honestly it is! They need to eat this as their only food and they'll stop producing the protein in their saliva which triggers the allergies.

On the behaviour side, I'm not sure what to suggest. I would say trying to cat proof your garden and letting them outside may help greatly. You can get some fence toppers to stop them getting out of your garden (assuming you have fences) and then just keep an eye on them for the first few weeks. I even walked the cat on a lead at first

Original poster
Sadcatlover · 11/09/2023 10:25

Thank you all. The food suggestions are helpful too, although they’re very picky with their food- the girls such a princess she exclusively ate salmon fillets until she was about 6 months old…

I so badly wish I wasn’t considering rehoming. I just worry it sends such a bad message that we’re giving up on them. Thank you all for your kind words.

OP posts:
saffey · 11/09/2023 10:30

Hi. I have 3 Ragdolls and they are indoor cats.

We got a fence erected in our back garden to allow them to go out freely.

The fence is a special cat fence which ensures that the cats are not able to climb over the fence.

Maybe that could be an option?
My cats love playing outside ( we also have a playhouse in the garden for them ) and it can be hard to get them back in.

Here is the link for the fence

purrfectfence.co.uk/

Good luck OP!

nevynevster · 11/09/2023 12:17

It's a bit like kids. If there's absolutely no choice then they'll eat it ! One of mine wasn't keen but quickly got on board when he worked out there was no alternative

BungleandGeorge · 11/09/2023 12:29

Cat proof your garden or get a Catio? If they used to get more attention they might be bored. If they’re indoor cats do you spend time playing with them? Cats scratch things I think you have to put up with that. Have you seen a specialist about the allergy? That may be a reason you need to rehome but I wouldn’t get anymore pets if you’ve suddenly developed this allergy as it may well happen again

Original poster
Sadcatlover · 11/09/2023 19:53

I will never be getting more pets. The emotional upheaval of having them and considering rehoming them, it’s honestly been awful and I would never want to go through it again.
going to speak to the vets and look at the cat proof fence. I just want a solution, they’re so important to me…

OP posts:
Beamur · 11/09/2023 21:51

I hope you find a way to keep them. I love my cats and would be devastated to re-home them too. Definitely try the food!

Fernticket · 12/09/2023 06:55

Beamur · 11/09/2023 21:51

I hope you find a way to keep them. I love my cats and would be devastated to re-home them too. Definitely try the food!

This⬆️. I really hope you find a solution OP. I would have been 💔 to have had to re-home my cat.

myhusbandwantsadog · 12/09/2023 07:24

My cat was rehomed as a result of someone's child being allergic to her. We got her from the rescue who home checked us. We have her now nine years later. She's happy and well, has lots of space and everything she could ever want.
I know from her vaccine records the lady who rehomed her got her from Cats Protection so it must have been extra hard knowing she'd been through a couple of homes in the first few years. However she had to protect her child and everything turned out very well for the cat, and for us. Happy endings are out there xxx

Original poster
Sadcatlover · 12/09/2023 08:02

Is it still going to be a medical issue if she’s just weeing every night, in one place? It’s not like she can’t control it, she’s almost made a choice…

OP posts:
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