I am being told all different things by family members and my head is all over the place. Basically, I have a three year old who has never met his dad. His dad and I have always been in contact, he’s always paid, but despite how often I suggested he meet ds, he just never did. There were times when he seemed really keen to meet but then never followed through. It was v hard for me to remain civil with him as I have always thought he was utterly vile for not seeing his son. Anyway, when ds was around 2 I said if you don’t meet him soon he will become aware of it. I said we could still avoid that by him seeing him now and then so that was DS’s ‘normal’ and so didn’t cause him any upset. There was some acknowledgment of this by his dad and I was hopeful he would then actually see him. He didn’t, and by this point I had enough and stopped engaging with him on small talk and just said let me know if you change your mind but otherwise I will assume you’re going to be absent.
Ds then started asking about his dad when he was around 3. I had to go through the entire ‘some people can’t be dads’ , he seemed to accept it. Now ds is nearly four, his dad suddenly seems eager to see him again. Part of me wishes he now stayed away but if I do let him do this, I want to know he’s not going to mess ds about. My family are saying don’t rock the boat, it’s great he wants to see him finally etc etc but I fear this could be very damaging if I don’t know his dad’s true intentions or if he will be consistent? The man is not young and has no other dc so I don’t have much faith in him anymore, he’s had every chance to see him and now does this years later?? I am so conflicted and to be honest I’ve heard years of tiptoeing round him, I don’t know if I could do it again just for him to let ds down?