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AIBU?

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Original poster

Ex stopped paying maintenance

33 replies

Ceci03 · 10/09/2023 21:17

So ex lives in Ireland. He's always been fairly ok about paying maintenance which was court ordered back in 2010. Up and down but usually paid eventually. Since May he has stopped answering my calls and leaves my texts unread. He hasn't paid anything. He saw both kids now teens in Aug which I paid for their flights over and back and for me to bring ds who is under 16 . Both in full time education. Dd going to uni with huge costs . Am so broke. Is there anything I can do to make him pay. I think he's realized it will be difficult to enforce as I'm in Uk now. Anyone any experience of trying to enforce payment from here. I've looked online and MDC seems the way to go but it does seem a bit toothless.

OP posts:
PickledPurplePickle · 10/09/2023 21:22

Why on earth did you pay for the children to fly over in august?

Also why did you have to go?

Original poster
Ceci03 · 10/09/2023 21:28

Yeh I'm an idiot. I went as ds can't fly alone. So I brought him over and he came back with dd who went a week later. Ds really really wanted to see him.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ceci03 · 10/09/2023 21:33

I'm so angry and triggered. This is one of the reasons we split up. He used to give me the silent treatment for days and sometimes weeks. I'm so frustrated. Why won't he just talk to me. To stop paying just as dd is off to uni is so so unfair on her . Am really struggling. He doesn't read my texts. I wish there was something I could do but I think he will just ignore me and ignore me.

OP posts:
AndSoFinally · 10/09/2023 21:36

I don't think he has to pay if DD is in uni (that's legally, not morally), so I'm not sure you can do anything there

TheFoz · 10/09/2023 21:48

Court ordered maintenance has to be paid until child is 23 if in full time education.

Can you get in contact with your old solicitor and see what their take is? My ex has pulled a similar trick recently so I can empathise.

Original poster
Ceci03 · 10/09/2023 21:58

That's a good idea I'll contact that solicitor. It's so frustrating. If his circumstances have changed or whatever just talk to me. I find it so triggering the wall of silence . Have no money to pay a solicitor though.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ceci03 · 10/09/2023 22:01

Ds is 15 so he definitely should
Pay for him still. How can he do this as term is starting. He promised to pay for the flights. The last text I have is 14 Aug where he said he will give me money at the weekend. That's just as I was bringing ds over to see him. And since then he won't answer his phone to me. I got ds to phone him today and he eventually answered. Ds didn't give me the phone tho he forgot. Ah he doesn't need to be involved but ds is starting to question things

OP posts:
YetMoreNewBeginnings · 10/09/2023 22:02

Ireland is one of the countries that has a reciprocal agreement with the UK over maintenance.

Speak to your solicitor and ask them if they have any experience of REMO.

Original poster
Ceci03 · 10/09/2023 22:11

Thanks @TheFoz

Is there any free legal aid here. Will have to find out.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ceci03 · 10/09/2023 22:11

Thanks @YetMoreNewBeginnings

OP posts:
NeunundneunzigHorseBallonz · 10/09/2023 22:13

Tell his mum?

JulianFawcettMP · 10/09/2023 22:14

@PickledPurplePickle these are such helpful questions and will really assist the OP. Thank heavens you are here.

Oh and maybe she was just trying to do the best for her children irrespective of cost.

Original poster
Ceci03 · 10/09/2023 22:18

JulianFawcettMP · 10/09/2023 22:14

@PickledPurplePickle these are such helpful questions and will really assist the OP. Thank heavens you are here.

Oh and maybe she was just trying to do the best for her children irrespective of cost.

Yeh usual story of me trying to do the right thing by him and not let our arguments about money affect his relationship with the kids. More fool me. When someone just blanks you and won't answer your texts or even read them. I rang his house tonight where he lives with his mother and brother. No answer. It's a lost cause isn't it. I'm just so angry.

OP posts:
TheFoz · 10/09/2023 22:19

I can’t afford a solicitor either. My ex will want to go to court so I’m going to get my solicitor to ask the judge to order ex to pay my costs seeing as it is him that is causing this situation. Judges can and do this so keep that in mind.

Original poster
Ceci03 · 10/09/2023 22:21

His mother is too old now and had a little bit of dementia. Even when we spilt though she had a strange attitude and seemed to think providing for the kids was all my responsibility . For her it was always "poor ex" so she was no help. Well he still lives there rent free so that says a lot. He moved out to live with me and when we split he moved back in. I hate myself for ever getting involved with him. All regrets except for 3 beautiful kids.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ceci03 · 10/09/2023 22:22

TheFoz · 10/09/2023 22:19

I can’t afford a solicitor either. My ex will want to go to court so I’m going to get my solicitor to ask the judge to order ex to pay my costs seeing as it is him that is causing this situation. Judges can and do this so keep that in mind.

Thanks. I'll have to do a lot of research about how to do it from here.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ceci03 · 10/09/2023 22:25

Knowing him it won't matter what I do he will
Just ignore everything. Will it be heard in an Irish court. Will take months won't it. Will
I have to go over. I don't understand how he can do this. How does hr love with himself. It's sick.

OP posts:
YetMoreNewBeginnings · 10/09/2023 22:25

Have a read of this link - it tells you who to contact about REMO and they tell you if you need to go to court or pay a fee.

If you already have a court order for maintenance they may be able to go with that without needing to go for a new one.

https://www.gov.uk/child-maintenance-if-one-parent-lives-abroad/other-partner-lives-abroad

Child maintenance if a parent lives abroad

What to do if you need to get child maintenance and one of the parents lives abroad.

https://www.gov.uk/child-maintenance-if-one-parent-lives-abroad/other-partner-lives-abroad

Original poster
Ceci03 · 10/09/2023 22:25

*live with himself Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
Ceci03 · 10/09/2023 22:26

Thanks so much @YetMoreNewBeginnings will have a good read

OP posts:
JanglyBeads · 10/09/2023 22:27

TheFoz · 10/09/2023 21:48

Court ordered maintenance has to be paid until child is 23 if in full time education.

Can you get in contact with your old solicitor and see what their take is? My ex has pulled a similar trick recently so I can empathise.

Edited

Maintenance is hardly ever court-ordered in the UK anyway?

(Even if it were, surely it would be until 22 at the oldest?)

Original poster
Ceci03 · 10/09/2023 22:28

Does anyone know- we never got a divorce I started the process but never finished it. Well
He wouldn't respond and return the documents etc. So when his mother dies he will most likely inherit her very valuable house worth over a million. Can I claim anything from him for that.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ceci03 · 10/09/2023 22:30

It was court ordered in Ireland. It took me
About a year to get it sorted after we broke up and he refused to give me anything. I could afford a solicitor back then and brought him to court. He has been reasonably good about paying it since then. He never paid every month but he mostly did even if he skipped a couple of months he would start up again.

OP posts:
Ginann · 10/09/2023 22:41

Ceci03 · 10/09/2023 22:28

Does anyone know- we never got a divorce I started the process but never finished it. Well
He wouldn't respond and return the documents etc. So when his mother dies he will most likely inherit her very valuable house worth over a million. Can I claim anything from him for that.

He didn't return the documents to where?

If there are divorce documents somewhere signed by you, you may struggle as it's proof you wanted a divorce that he could use.

However it sounds like he owes the kids (and you) a lot so I hope it doesn't all stay with him/ his siblings.

ThingyThings · 10/09/2023 22:44

Is he still working? For the eldest, I thought (legally) maintenance stopped when child benefit stopped (e.g. August after 19th birthday if still in full time education, but not uni). Is there anyway to check how much you're due with child maintenance service, then get a DEO from his payroll?