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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it normal to feel like this about DC?

15 replies

user070792 · 10/09/2023 21:01

My SN DS has just done his first week at Reception. He's been doing half days this week to build up, but tomorrow is his first full day. I'm so worried about how he will manage that I can't seem to think about anything else. I know this probably sounds pathetic and OTT 😬

I miss him terribly when he's at school, to be honest I didn't think I would as much and I'd enjoy the peace but when he's not here I just don't know what to do with myself. I'm literally counting down until pick up time. He has high needs and has limited vocabulary because he's autistic so I think this is heightening the way I'm feeling. It makes me anxious not knowing whether or not he's doing okay.

AIBU? How do I stop worrying so bloody much!

OP posts:
WimpoleHat · 10/09/2023 21:04

I know this probably sounds pathetic and OTT 😬

It doesn’t! At all. If it makes you feel better, my (NT) 11 year old DD has just done her first week at senior school and didn’t like it - and I feel much the same way as you describe. It’s just that awful feeling you get as a mother when you know they’re not entirely okay and you can’t really put it right for them.

I hope your son has a good second week. If it’s any consolation, by half term this will definitely be the “new normal” for both of you.

Original poster
user070792 · 10/09/2023 21:07

@WimpoleHat Thank you, I'm glad I'm not the only one feeling like this! The other parents I know can't wait to get their kids off to school for the day but I'm the complete opposite 😂

OP posts:
Createausername1970 · 10/09/2023 21:07

I reckon it's completely normal for a loving parent to worry about a child starting school, more so when there are additional needs and you want to protect your child from experiencing difficult situations.

It will get easier. And I am guessing that your child has taken a lot of hands on parenting up until now and you are feeling at a loose end, a bit unneeded.

It will pass, but be kind to yourself.

SillyShoes · 10/09/2023 21:12

It's completely normal. My daughter has quite complex needs, and I felt awful when she first started school. It's a massive thing for both of you. It does get easier and you do get used to it, but I think it is different when they've got special needs, I don't worry about my typically developing son anywhere near as much.

Createausername1970 · 10/09/2023 21:13

Sorry, pressed post by mistake.

I still worry about my ND 21 year old son. He has an job interview next week and I obviously can't go in with him, but a bit of me wants to.

You never stop worrying, but you do become able to multitask - worry and do your own thing at the same time.

Original poster
user070792 · 10/09/2023 21:28

I don't think I'll ever stop worrying, I'm just hoping it gets easier eventually

OP posts:
Cardboardcup · 10/09/2023 21:49

Completely normal when you have a child with complex needs. My son is severely autistic and he’s an adult now in his 20’s. I worried about every single new thing he’s ever done, new schools/classrooms/teachers/1:1’s. He hasn’t lived at home for a couple of years but if they phone me and tell me they’re trying a new activity or something or going somewhere different I really struggle not to think about it and worry about it all day. The staff where he is are highly trained and he’s very very happy there but I can’t help but wonder if he’s coping etc. Most of the time it’s completely unfounded and I get a call to say he’s had an amazing time and is really happy nearly every time.

So in short try not to worry. But I completely understand that you’re going to anyway .

DrManhattan · 10/09/2023 22:05

You sound like a lovely caring mum

Bananasplitlady · 10/09/2023 22:13

Totally normal. I'm a SENCo and spent a lot of last week ringing parents to reassure them their child was having a good time and not upset - I'm sure I'll be doing it this week too. It does get easier with time.

Original poster
user070792 · 10/09/2023 22:15

@Bananasplitlady I was thinking I may ring them tomorrow to ask for an update but didn't want to seem like I'm bothering them. Do you think they would mind if I did?

OP posts:
MonkeyPuddle · 10/09/2023 22:16

It just sounds like you love him. That’s no bad thing. What a lucky child to have a mum as such as you.
❤️

Bananasplitlady · 10/09/2023 22:18

Doesn't bother me on the slightest giving updates, I don't want my parents to be worrying all day. Maybe ask the reception staff in the morning.

ThorsMistress · 10/09/2023 22:20

My DS 4 is autistic and has global delay. His speech is good but his understanding not so much. He’s starting school tomorrow doing a half day and honestly I’m panicking if he’s going to be ok! I can see a lot of clock watching tomorrow

Original poster
user070792 · 10/09/2023 22:21

@DrManhattan @MonkeyPuddle Thank you, they are words I needed to hear today ❤️

OP posts:
MonkeyPuddle · 10/09/2023 22:28

Starting school is a big step. It’s maybe not much time but it’s a complete chasm when you’ve been the mum, provider, carer for a child with additional needs.
chin up lovely. Lots of lovely cuddles, connecting, calm, a reaffirming to both of you that you’re good ❤️

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