Toddler and potentially dying grandparent.

[blipblopblip]

My mum has become very suddenly unwell and after a long night in icu I'm unsure if she will make it. I've come home to sleep but now have found myself worrying if I should take my very aware 2 1/2 year old in case she does die when I visit again later. Honestly it sounds like she is as stable as she can be now but they've also mentioned that due to a few factors her brain might have been affected so I'm feeling like they are trying to tell us it's not looking like a good outcome but no one will know until it goes either way. I don't know what to do and I feel like I'm not thinking clearly. What would you do? I'm worried either decision is wrong.

Taking a toddler into ICU? No, I wouldn't in your circumstances, I don't think it's wrong for children to be around people who are dying, DH was on end of life care at home and the children were here (one of whom was very close to your child's age) but because I think ICU is a very unnatural environment for anyone to be in. I would let them have their last memories of her as happy ones. Could you record a message from them to your mum and take that to play to her? I am so sorry you are in this situation, it's truly an awful place to be.

I doubt they would be allowed on the ward at all. But at that age I don’t think there are any benefits to going in.

I doubt you will be allowed to unless she is in a private bay within ICU. I don’t think it’s an appropriate place for a toddler.

Thank you, that was my first instinct but I'm feeling so muddled and emotional I then worried I was depriving her and my mum of saying goodbye.

I don't think a toddler needs to be visiting an ICU. It's not nice and they won't get anything out of it.

Of course don't take her.

Didn't want to read and run sending positive thoughts. No don't take your toddler to see her.
Instead film a message from your mum so she can hear your child's voice

Don't take her. I've recently been in nearly the exact same situation and worried greatly about what to do with my 3 year old. I took her to the hospice and wish I hadn't. My mum didn't die immediately and my toddler told me every day "granny is very sick and going to die and then we won't see her" in a matter of fact way, and talking about all her tubes and medicines etc. I didn't need the constant reminder, and actually I think it preoccupied her thoughts a lot and if I had just told her one day that Granny had died she would have been fine. They're very young, and eventually they will forget.

I’m so sorry to hear about your DH. I hope you’re all ok.

In my hospital there's a communal family room and children are allowed, supervised at all times obviously. We were able to take young child relative to say goodbye after family member had passed away and looked peaceful, but this is a very personal decision and only you know your child.

No, there's no need to do this. Your toddler should remember her how she was and not when she was dying.

But it's also definitely not a wrong decision to NOT take your child to see her.

I'm sorry that you are going through this @blipblopblip 😔
Would you be able to record your dc say something for your mum "Love you Nanny" or something like that so you could play it to her and talk to her about her dgc?