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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Meeting someone right for you when you never thought you could? I’m SO sad today.

4 replies

haadeebougj · 10/09/2023 11:34

Lone parent to a 3 year old. Just fed up really. Used to be reasonably attractive, made decent money. Now I am mostly haggard and my career has taken a hit. We have money but not like I used to. Doesn’t matter much anyway as I don’t have much time. Can’t imagine how I will ever, ever meet anyone again. I feel like loneliness is the only thing ahead.

OP posts:
PlasticPotPlant · 10/09/2023 14:38

Being a lone parent to a 3 yr old is HARD. I was definitely in the ‘all fed, nobody dead’ mantra phase of my life at that point, and I had a partner to help me out.

It will get easier, and you will start to get more time again… and the best part of this is that being a mum makes you so much more fecking efficient with time that although it’s far less time than you had pre child you will be amazed at what you manage to do with it!

But since you are still in the tunnel of mum of small child I appreciate me waving a light at the end of it might not be very helpful, so some practical little candles to help you along the way…

Become believer in the joy of little things - buy a mug that makes you happy and smile every time you have your tea in it, have a soeical soap that smells nice to pick you up on particularly grey days. My smallest little thing that brought joy was the feeling of the smoothness of a new bit of pavement on the way to the shops!

think about how you’d write about you if you were an outsider looking to write a ‘puff’ positive article… I’m sure there are lots of incredible things you do but discount when tired.

feeling haggard is hard, so pick a small change each week that will feel like a step in the right direction, for example this week I am going to work at drinking enough water each day, or this week I am going to find time to actually use the face cream I bought every day, and slowly they all build up and you will hopefully feel better.

as for meeting someone else- it willl happen in time, but likely when you have more time… so for now I’d focus on you, and the things you can influence to help make you feel better.

I hope you feel less sad soon 💐

jeaux90 · 10/09/2023 14:51

Lone parent here too. Early years are definitely the hardest and most isolated. Working on your career is a massive challenge but it's one I doubled down on during this time.

I also shifted the "lonely" to enjoying getting time to myself after DD (now 14) was in bed. Used the time to take care of myself.

Is there anything specific you are thinking at the moment or just in general you feel low and exhausted? (understand that for sure)

jeaux90 · 10/09/2023 14:53

Oh and the thing I realised is that actually embracing the isolation slowly turns into being really comfortable in your own company....which longer term turns into not compromising yourself for a mediocre man/relationship.

Ricewinevinegar · 10/09/2023 17:26

PlasticPotPlant · 10/09/2023 14:38

Being a lone parent to a 3 yr old is HARD. I was definitely in the ‘all fed, nobody dead’ mantra phase of my life at that point, and I had a partner to help me out.

It will get easier, and you will start to get more time again… and the best part of this is that being a mum makes you so much more fecking efficient with time that although it’s far less time than you had pre child you will be amazed at what you manage to do with it!

But since you are still in the tunnel of mum of small child I appreciate me waving a light at the end of it might not be very helpful, so some practical little candles to help you along the way…

Become believer in the joy of little things - buy a mug that makes you happy and smile every time you have your tea in it, have a soeical soap that smells nice to pick you up on particularly grey days. My smallest little thing that brought joy was the feeling of the smoothness of a new bit of pavement on the way to the shops!

think about how you’d write about you if you were an outsider looking to write a ‘puff’ positive article… I’m sure there are lots of incredible things you do but discount when tired.

feeling haggard is hard, so pick a small change each week that will feel like a step in the right direction, for example this week I am going to work at drinking enough water each day, or this week I am going to find time to actually use the face cream I bought every day, and slowly they all build up and you will hopefully feel better.

as for meeting someone else- it willl happen in time, but likely when you have more time… so for now I’d focus on you, and the things you can influence to help make you feel better.

I hope you feel less sad soon 💐

This lovely advice, wise and kind

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