My mother says this every time....

[tiv2020]

my mother (70) and I are not close. this is due to her constant attitude of being critical of everything i do or what i feel. since becoming an adult i realized we do not share the same values or system of beliefs, and she takes the position that she as the mother has the right to judge me. I have stopped sharing my feelings and thoughts with her, and gone LC. ever since my father died i have visited her about twice a month (we live in a 10-min drive radius).
she continues criticizing my behaviours and choices whenever we meet and is not supportive at all.
i have a Dd whom my mother is keen on seeing. she is forever bringing up that we do not visit her enough, that my daughter is missing out because grandparents are important, that I should leave my dd with her to babysit etc.
i am absolutely not keen on having more contact with my mother, and neither i think that my daughter is worse off for seeing her only twice a month for an hour. ds went to nursery and now to preschool, so she does socialize. none of the grandparents are very present in her life (dead/ completely estranged/ sick / my mum) but I do not see this as bothersome.

over the last months whenever i have brought my daughter to see her, my mother has been telling my daughter that "she must tell her mummy that she wants to see her grandma".
my daughter is 3.

personally whenever i hear this i feel uncomfortable.
my mum thinks its fine to put this on a 3 year old?
aibu?

have stopped sharing my feelings and thoughts with her, and gone LC. ever since my father died i have visited her about twice a month

I wouldn’t call that low contact! I’d call that fairly frequent.

I don't really understand why you say you are going low contact but still see her so regularly. If she is a person you do not want to be having contact with why are you continuing to enforce a regular relationship with your 3 yo.

Interesting comments.
Since she is 70, a widow, living alone, and I am her only child, rest of her family lives 1000 km away (she moved here with my father upon marrying him) seeing her biweekly for 1 hour is as LC as I am comfortable with.

That's not actually low contact though, nowhere near.

I get on well with my mother but only see her about every 6-8 weeks - same for in laws. I call that high contact!

Two things ...
Firstly you need to tell her that you find it very hard when you see her as she is so critical of you and shows you no respect as an independent adult. She needs to know this. Then she can choose to change .. or not as she pleases.

Secondly ... and this is very important .. adults should never ever try to influence other adults by manipulating a child. Tell her that if she ever dares to use your DD as a means of manipulating you then you will not be visiting again. I lived that manipulation as a child and it is hell. My mother did this to one of my children once and once only.

You.must protect your child from this dreadful behaviour. If she behaves like this she does not deserve your loyalty.