To feel annoyed that I get the blame

[Wowzer67]

If my teenager doesn’t want to do something or see someone
she outright refuses to see my mum in hospital she hates it there i don’t feel it’s good for me to push it on her yet I get the blame and told I’m keeping her from family

she doesn’t want to see her dad for valid reasons too but that’s me too

I swear I do encourage her but what do I do? Force her into situations she is unhappy with to keep others happy

You ask her to phone or text the person herself so she can explain.

I have thought of this but should she need to at this age?
min a way I’m to blame for this as iv constantly pushed her into these positions to keep these people happy but I’m not going it to her anymore

She is a teenager who is decided she doesn't want to do these things.
She can just message the relevant people and rearrange another time.
She is old enough to do this if she is old enough to decide she isn't going.

Who is blaming you about not visiting your mum (GM) in hospital? If it is grandma, the discussion may need to be with grandma. Both mum's parents parents told my parents NOT to bring me to the hospital/hospice, even as a teenager, to see them as they wanted me to remember them as being well and active grandparents not remember them as being very unwell and frail. It's possible that - consciously or subconsciously - your daughter similarly wants to hold on to the happier memories.

Can your DD be persuaded to send cards or record little video updates for grandma that you can play her when you visit? Or send little gifts maybe if she's one for crafts etc... Then grandma can still get the "Hi Nan, I got an A on my science test, I hope you're feeling a bit better, I love you" without your daughter having to have any direct experience of her being unwell. And grandma can have those and keep them/ play them over and over if she wants to hear her DGD's voice.