Husbands ex

[Annon3762]

Me and my husband have been together 15 years and have 2 children. He has 2 from a previous relationship also.
Ive never had any issues with his ex or him having a relationship with her for the kids.
however, where I have struggled is with his family having such a close relationship with her, again the usual relationship you would maintain to ensure the kids feel part of the family etc is what I’d expect. But his sister being the main one is literally best mates with my husbands ex, and it makes me feel really uncomfortable and quite upset that I’ve never been given the opportunity to build a close relationship with my sister in law, like she was given. Is it just me or would anyone else struggle with this aswell.

I'm in a similar situation so I understand. I don't resent their relationship but I wish I had the opportunity to have a relationship with them. It's like the ex kept the family too so I never feel I'll ever be able to get to know them as I would have hoped. Being best mates is difficult but I suppose if you can find a way to accept it and focus on your other relationships it might get easier.

To be honest this is what you take on when you are the new partner of someone with an ex wife/baggage.

SIL has clearly clicked with the ex wife and formed a bond which is completely normal and natural.
However if SIL has anything about her she will make you feel welcome as part of the family but it doesn’t mean she is your ready made bestie.

Presumably they were close before you came on the scene. You expect her to stop being friendly with the mother of her niece / nephews as a new wife is on the scene? Sorry but I think you’re unreasonable and it’s clear she won’t be comfortable forging a close bond with you when she’s close to the first wife. Part and parcel of getting together with someone with kids surely?

I'd feel really uncomfortable with this as well.

Not quite the same because there were no kids in these situations.

My mum and grandma got really attached to my uncle's long term gf and when they split they kept seeing her and letting her cry on their shoulder about how sad she was that my uncle left her. I kept telling them to back off, she's got her own family to cry to. Many years later my uncle told us all, out of the blue, that he was getting married in a few weeks. They're a close family, meet every fortnight for dinner, but he never mentioned he was seeing someone else.

Separately my mum's best friend got really attached to her son's long term gf and same thing when they split, kept seeing her and even nagged her son "she's so perfect why did you split up". Now he's in his 40s and won't tell her if he's seeing anyone, even when they're serious.

It's dreadful and I don't understand it. I'm too loyal for that. The ex has her own family to be mates with