AIBU - DH’s late night

[PepeParapluie]

Not sure if I’m being unreasonable because I’m super tired or if DH is…

DH, me and our 8 month old baby are away visiting friends in London. We arrived Friday afternoon and will leave this afternoon. It’s very hot.

For context, Friday night, DH and I both went to bed at midnight, I breastfed baby at 4.15 for half an hour but she was too hot to feed to sleep, so needed rocking to sleep. I spent 20 mins trying, then asked DH to help - he got her to sleep in 5 mins. She then woke at 6am for the day. DH got up with her. I slept until 7.30. So I got about 6.5 hours’ sleep, DH got about 6.

Last night, I went to bed at midnight again. Baby woke when I went up, did a long feed back to sleep, I went to sleep about 1.30. Baby woke at 5, fed for nearly an hour, wouldn’t go back to sleep. I’ve got up with her at 6, because DH - knowing he’s driving us home today and that baby normally gets up at 6 - went to bed at 2.30am.

I obviously haven’t spoken to him about it yet as he’s sleeping, and id rather he slept more as he’s driving us all a long way today, but I’m so cross that he stayed up SO late despite knowing baby would probs be up at 6 and that I’d have to feed her at least once between midnight and then.

I know it’s nice to stay up with friends etc, but in my view we can’t always do that anymore. If he’d chosen to stay up so late Friday night I’d be less annoyed as his tiredness would be his problem, but with the driving today I just think it’s really reckless and unfair on me that I get so little sleep despite missing out on the fun with friends to try and go to bed early - I have no choice but to do night feeds - whereas he chooses to stay stupidity late meaning I can’t really ask him to get up with her given the driving thing.

Maybe I’m being grumpy because I’m so tired - AIBU?

Can I also add that the sleep deprivation and heat made me a psychopath when mine were babies. I lost all sense of self in the heat. It also took me until my second was about 8 months to realise that when you're counting the minutes you're screwed - the resentment has taken hold. Now whenever I find myself mentally totting up who's done what and what's fair I know that there's a bigger issue at hand.

Unfortunately, he cant do the night feeds. But it sounds like he does get up, help, and do his share of what he can when needed and did Fri/Sat.

You are away for the weekend, mini trip, seeing friends and he only stayed up late for couple hours. It doesn't sound like he does it all the time, and he let you get the extra rest the day before.

As long as its not drinking badly and really hungover or over the limit - hell be fine with a bit more sleep.

It's just hard the first year. Very hard.

I think YABU and a bit petty although I do totally understand why you feel as you do