To give a negative foster care reference & hope it's anonymous?

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I've been asked for a family foster care reference from a family member I am not close to who has a history of abuse.

If I gave an honest reference, would it be anonymous? I assume so but had bad experiences with social workers before so concerned about anonymity

Thanks

Generally references are taken from significant ex partners and adult children but along side that the prospective foster carers give details for referees. So you family member would've given you. If you aren't close I would just say you've don't have that much contact with them so don't feel you can provide enough info.

Do you mean they have been abused?is that the reason for the negative reference?

No, they have abused

You think they should say nothing rather than say the person is abusive?!?!

I think it would be anonymous in the first instance, but I’m not sure if your family member could later request the details of who said what via a subject access request.

Perhaps ask the social worker first if you are able to have contact with them directly.

is there any documented record of this abuse that you could anonymously bring the attention of the social workers to separately from the reference?

Either way you’re doing a good thing to speak up somehow and prevent this rather than remain silent. Kids in care don’t deserve to be in an abusive home.

Thanks, this is helpful.

It has been reported directly to a social worker in the past but due to no evidence, they didn't do anything.

The prospective foster cater in question is aware that I know of the abuse, so it's perplexed me that they've asked me for a reference.

I'm not underestimating how horrible it is for you to have to do this, but you have to do everything in your power to prevent a known abuser from having access to vulnerable children. Yes SS aren't known for their rigorous confidentiality, and yes it will be awful for you if your relatives find out it was you - but you just have to do it anyway I'm afraid. I had to report a friend for abuse and neglect once; it was horrible, but there was no other choice.

No problem. I used to work in social services, as an educator for looked after children.

Hopefully that report is still on record even if they chose not to take it further, so the report together with anything you said now would be enough to discredit this person.

yes, that is odd they asked you 🤔 but some people think they can gaslight others into thinking certain bits of the past didn’t really happen.

I filled out a reference recently for friends looking to foster and there was a little tick box option asking if I wanted it shared with the couple or kept private.

I’m not sure if that’s something most agencies would have in their forms but it was certainly on the one I did.

Please do something, through this process or a direct approach to the requesting team, to make your concerns clear. Anything to avoid a vulnerable child being put at risk.

OK.

Don't tell them that this potential Foster carer is an abuser? Really?

Are they planning to foster with a partner? Does the partner know? I only ask as I had something sort of similar to this once.

Basically they knew they were going to fail the vetting, so asked me to give them a reference, which then meant I was the nasty, evil bitch that cost them their dream job etc etc when I refused. Their partner didn't know they'd fail...

Could it be something similar?

Agree.

You say you're not close. I think this is a no-brainer.

Wow, very interesting. This is the same situation!

I'll keep that in mind, thanks. There's a history of blame shifting so it's very likely

Somebody wanted a written referance from me, as they were applying for a course related to children. It was a form with specific questions. (history of drug use) I did not want to lie on a document that I had to sign, so I just did not fill it out. They did get referances from others I guess as they took the course.

Sounds very similar.

I ran a volunteer-led childcare setting at the time. They asked for a reference stating that they'd been a long-term volunteer, done lots of hours, lots of experience with a mixed age group of children etc. They had brought their child on a family day trip (people with their own children, just sharing a bus) once...

Their partner and various family members said there was "no harm" in a wee bit of exaggeration.

They knew their criminal convictions would likely bar them (and if they didn't bar them, the not declaring them would). They also knew I'd say no. So managed to turn the blame onto me as I "blocked them at the first stage", stole their dream etc etc. There are still some people who blame me years later, even though it all came out when the relationship ended.

I read the original post as the applicant had been abused which doesn't actually rule people out. Knowing that applicant has abused children is a totally a different matter.

These people - well the abuser - aren’t suitable for (a) fostering or (b) family relationships

IF this is engineered to make you the bad guy, so be it. Let it end your relationship with them, end the secrecy you’ve given them that they don’t deserve and make sure that if you get any grief you’ll tell EVERYONE why you couldn’t recommend them.

dont allow this hideous person to continue along this path. Be strong

Could you decline to provide a reference because you're not close but report the abuse via another avenue?

To be honest, if I knew a family member had a history of abusing children I wouldn't want anything to do with them so wouldn't care if the report wasn't anonymous. Report them.

Ex fostering sw here. It may or may not be confidential - you would need to check with the person requesting it. However, if you are not prepared to make the disclosure, please think about what kind of 24/7 access this person might then gain to vulnerable young people.

Would an alternative be to say that you are aware there was previous social work involvement by X local authority/team? Quite often the checks done by local authorities are cursory at best, so this would at least give the fostering agency or team an idea of where to look.

I have had reason to make a SAR to social services. If you are clear the reference is confidential I believe it would be excluded from a SAR but you could actually ask. In any instance you should call this out OP.

You have the power to stop them abusing another child.

I am aware of a case locally where a man decided to become a foster carer, and raped the first foster child he had access to. It was all over the local news, and in essence, the judge said he'd sought the position so that he would have access to vulnerable children.

He'd worked for the church and the scouts beforehand. I doubt it was the first time he'd abused a child. If only someone had been given, and taken, the opportunity to prevent him from raping that poor foster child.

I mean if they have abused a child in the past then why would you care if they knew it was you? If they’ve selected you to provide a reference it won’t take them long to suspect it was you in any case.