Should I be upset?

[Rightplace]

I moved to London a few years ago and have a few friends an hour and half away from where I moved from. I go down regularly for their meet ups, maybe once a fortnight or three weeks. But it was suggested by them a few months ago that they should make an effort and come and have an evening in London, nearest to them about halfway between us.
Anyway, on the day we were meeting they had a lovely restaurant booked by the river. They cancelled saying they didn’t want to make the journey as it was too hot and too much to be travelling , but said in their message that if I could make the journey down instead we could meet locally or at one of their houses. It took a while to sink in but I felt really upset that it seemed they couldn’t be bothered to make the journey after it being their idea. The restaurant and plans had been made by one of them with lots of messages beforehand and I just feel so disappointed and am questioning the friendships. I started to try and change my plans and make arrangements for pet sitter etc and messaging them I’ll see what I can change my end but then thought what am I doing? Do they not to see how unfair this seems. So I just said a brief it doesn’t look possible and let’s reschedule.
I always travel and go down there and am happy to but was pleased they had suggested coming up for a change.
I did message the following day and said more clearly, I was really disappointed we didn’t meet last night, I was really looking forward to it. (I think they met locally themselves.)
Am I overreacting?

I'd give one more chance. The heat is a one off and it's hasn't been worth going out to be a sweaty mess with makeup sliding off your face and hair just dripping etc. I can understand someone cancelling.

YANBU to feel upset. It sounds like you are the only one putting any effort in (& having the travel expense!). I know it was you that moved, but it would be nice if they occasionally came to you instead, I would still make the effort to visit a friend that had moved.

Yes I get the heat thing or cancelling it altogether because of the heat, but they said it’s too much travelling up but if you can come down then we can still do something all together and how nice it would be. So were fine with me travelling in the heat just not themselves

The heat has been exceptional, though. I think saying they “couldn’t be bothered” is a bit unfair.

TBH, if you move away from a friendship group, it’s not unusual for the friendships to dwindle over time.

I think you should be looking to develop some friendships locally. You can still see your old friends but maybe not every 2-3 weeks.

Yes they rather exposed themselves with that didn’t they? “We can’t be arsed to travel because of the discomfort and heat, but are happy to put you through an experience which isn’t good enough for us.”

I suppose it’s a numbers thing too. If there’s, say, six of them down in Brighton (or wherever), it’ll only take one of them to sway the others maybe. And it’s majority rule - six want to stay home and that beats one (you).

Don’t blame you for feeling pissed off at all. Maybe they think you have a greater responsibility to do the travelling since you’re the one who left. But it’s a bit shit.

Aw, I would be a bit upset as well. I'm glad you let them know how disappointed you are.

Yanbu

So they were saying we are too hot to travel, but you should do the travelling instead. Obviously that's just crazy. I would wait now to see if they suggest meeting another time when it's a bit cooler.

Thanks for your replies, and I do think I do you have a greater responsibility to travel and keep in touch. But think because it is only the second time in 3 years they’ve suggested and were all 3 up for it (only 40 mins train journey) just feel I was perhaps overly upset on my own didn’t sleep all night! Had to pay pet sitter anyway and pissed her off.

Yes, one has DM’d me and asked if I’m down next weekend to see her before she goes away!

Start making new local friends. Be a bit more committed to where you live now.

Stop being so very obliging to your older friends. Let them make the effort more.

You'll see a change soon enough.

The only thing I'd say in their defence is that London does tend to be extra warm.

But I totally understand why you're upset, and I think what they've done is hurtful

I'd say - no I won't - I think it will be too hot.

excellent suggestion.

I think some people with a more provincial outlook have a bit of a “thing” about London. It’s always a big deal to
for some reason. So it’s always hotter, busier, scarier etc than where they’re from. I had a similar conversation with someone yesterday as I took DD into London to see a performance. She was horrified; that would be “too hot” and she was going to the local park. In reality, I drove my air conditioned car to the station, where I got an air conditioned train and spent the afternoon in a heavily air conditioned theatre. She’ll have been hotter than I was!

I think there’s an element of that at okay with your friends - but the “it’s too hot, but you can come here” does smack of selfishness. I agree with others that I’d be looking to make some friends in London to broaden out your network and enhance your experience of living there.

Agree with all of this!