What is wrong with me, starting to really lose hope

[teenagegrungebag]

I’ll explain as best I can but I find it so hard.

I’ve always had anxiety but this is becoming debilitating. I feel as if I’m not present constantly and I find it so hard to enjoy things. Last night I was at a party and everyone was dancing. I felt so rigid, just playing with my hair, and what’s weird is that instead of dancing, I always have to be talking or making a comment to someone ….instead of just dancing because I feel awkward and feel I have to be doing something. Does that have a name?
I just felt like I constantly wanted to go home.

Same today, I had a family barbecue. I’m playing with my hair the whole time, just wanting to go home. I don’t feel present; everyone is laughing and joking around, I’m just so on edge.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me, it’s becoming exhausting that I just can’t enjoy things or be present. I just always want to leave. I know that I’m a life sucker and it must be draining being around me but I’m really really really struggling and I just don’t know what to do

Sounds like anxiety. Go and find a trained therapist and get some help now before it gets worse. You deserve to have a better life than this. Good luck!

also look up derealisation / depersonalisation. if you don't feel present, that can be described as derealisation. it is pretty common and can come and go especially if you are anxious.

I found Sertraline really helped.

It sounds like you're just anxious or don't like social occasions- just like me. I don't think it requires a diagnosis though, it's just part of your personality. Therapy might help if you can afford it and want to change things but so you really need to, to be happy?

Seriously, sertraline is a game changer. I regret the years I felt I wasted without it. What do you have to lose?

I don't know why we are all expected to enjoy the same things?
Otherwise there is something "wrong" with you.
If you buy a shade loving plant and plant it in full sun it won't thrive, same with people, we all have different preferences.
You don't need medication or therapy. Just do your own thing where you are happiest.

Sounds like anxiety. And the good news is its very common so you're not alone. I'd speak to your GP to plan what to do next. Don't be too hard on yourself organised fun can be pretty crap x

Perhaps ask GP to try you on Propranolol, it will take the edge off and might make you feel a bit more 'present' as well as more relaxed around people. Definitely see the GP instead of suffering like this, there is help there.