MY H is just miserable and I'm sick of it !!

[ranti]

He's grumpy all the time. He's not particularly nice to me.

He comes home from work and I ask him how he is, how his day was - he literally never ask me how I am or how my day was. He's just grumpy.

I don't feel like he even likes me tbh. He's just not nice or kind to me.

Because he's not a bad person, he's not an arsehole and we have 3 kids who are happy.

It's not the marriage I imagined but why would I put my own happiness before that of the kids? Separating would be detrimental to the kids happiness.

I had one like this. Much the same, I started to realise that although he said he loved me, he acted like he actively disliked me. He even moaned about things in retrospect like we’d had an amazing city break but later he said ‘Oh I hated that holiday, it was busy and we struggled to find places to eat so I was always hungry’ 🤷🏻‍♀️
His treatment of me was abusive. I realised this later. It was a form of control, never knowing if he’d be moody. Treading on eggshells. Him implying I was dragging him down. Someone said ‘It sounds like he’s depressed’. Well yes, he was, but he refused to discuss changing his meds with the GP or to get counselling. After many attempts, I finally realised he wouldn’t try to improve things in our relationship so I asked to separate. Then he sought medical advice and counselling. Long story short - I’m happier without him, he’s still grumpy!

I have on of these too, it's soul destrying and exhausting. The reason I stay is for the kids. I'm not ready to see them only 50% of the time.

Struggling with what to do but I know it'd break my heart for them to spend 3-4 nights a week with their dad in another house.

I think you need to tell him that this isn't the life that you want, living with someone who clearly doesn't like being around you. That you can't go on with it

This morning another example. I'm keeping sore and noticing things.

I had a ROUGH night with the kids. Same as yesterday. Handled it all on my own as usual ( even though it's the weekend and H is off ).

Got up yesterday at 6:30 because the kids wanted to be up. Let him sleep until 9ish and didn't bother him. Went into the bedroom to get something and asked him nicely if he's ok. Did he get some nice rest ( after I had been up 3 hours with the kids during the night ).

He grumpily says ' no I fucking didn't. I'm exhausted. I heard the kids in the night and I haven't been able to rest all morning either cos I could hear them. '...

Then this morning I again had a rough night with them and have been up early again. He comes down at around 8. Usually I would say ' good morning ' how are you ? Hope you slept well or something.

But I didn't bother saying anything or even making any eye contact, to see if he would ask me how I am and how my night was.. nothing came. Not a word. He said good morning to the children and that was it.

He grumpily says ' no I fucking didn't. I'm exhausted. I heard the kids in the night and I haven't been able to rest all morning either cos I could hear them. '...

When he says stuff like this do you ask why he didn’t get up and give you a hand with them like a normal husband would? Honestly I couldn’t live like this. With a man who does fuck all to help but still complains all the time. Ltb.

Ok so why are you not initiating divorce. Why is is preferable for uou and your kids to live like this? Why are you making nice to him?

My friend's husband was like this - she really was at the point of leaving him.
However he suddenly, without warning, was made redundant. Set up by himself doing the same job but without the company superstructure going to battle with each other over his head. He's like a different person. Comes in from work cheerful, has energy to do all sorts of stuff he'd have not bothered doing before, and is actually fun to be with.
Turns out he was severely depressed due to how they treated him (and others) at work, but didn't realise it.