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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not send child to a school just because it’s close

137 replies

CCW14 · 09/09/2023 16:50

i will be starting to look for a primary school soon for DS to start Reception next Sept. We have a primary school that is round the corner from us, less than a minute walk which DH says we should send DS to because its close, but even though it is ofsted rated Good, whenever I speak to other parents or the local Fb group, they all say ‘It’s fine’ or ‘It’s okay’. Isn’t that code for its not great but I don’t want to be rude? They also still have spaces for this september and have been advertising a lot that they have spaces open, where other schools all had theirs spaces filled

We have another school that is well recommended and about 15mins walk away so will probably put that as my first preference, but was thinking of putting a school that we would have to drive to as a second preference as they also seem highly recommended and have a good after school programme

Ds is very curious, loves learning and I have been told by nursery and others that he is very smart. I think we should send him to a better school as education takes priority over convenience, and I don’t want him to get bored at school if he is learning stuff he already knows. DH thinks convenience takes priority and primary school won’t make much difference

I will obviously visit all schools and have a look but think it’s quite hard to judge on an open day as everyone is on their best behaviour. And I know just because I put a school down, it doesn’t guarantee I will get a spot.

so what do you think?

YABU - Husband is right! Make your life easier and send him to the closer school
YANBU - Primary school is the foundation of learning and will have an impact on later education

OP posts:
Noicant · 09/09/2023 18:01

I’m sending mine to the best one I can find in my area (imo, this covers extra-curriculars, ethos). Happily it’s only a ten minute drive from my house on a good day but tbh all these schools are close, why wouldn’t you choose the best one you can.

BelindaBears · 09/09/2023 18:06

I chose the catholic primary school 25 minutes walk away instead of the non faith first school 2 minutes walk away. Mainly because primary schools are much of a muchness in this area but this one is feeder for our preferred secondary schools where the differences are stark. No regrets a year in.

Chippy4me · 09/09/2023 18:07

I sent my DD to a school further away not in walking distance but it wasn’t through choice (moved to the area, applied to the school, became homeless, had to move out of area but kept her there with the intention of moving back asap).

I regretted not sending her to a school closer.

Not only was it stressful for me having to take her and pick her up, especially with me working and when she’s poorly, half days etc.
But she was left out of a lot of things.
All of the kids in our area went to a completely different school and so she had no friends in the area, she would walk home with her friends, she wasn’t invited to many things and if she was it was more difficult because I’d have to pick her up etc.

I know she’d rather have been closer to her friends and been able to get home earlier.

If the closer school was bad then I wouldn’t think twice about it but as it’s ok then I’d really think about it.

I’d not focus on ofsted results as these don’t really say much for the pupil’s happiness.

Beautiful3 · 09/09/2023 18:08

If it was crap, people would be telling you. If they say its fine/okay then it is. You should visit and ask about holiday/after school clubs if you need it. I went for the local one as i wanted my kids to have friends nearby.

Chippy4me · 09/09/2023 18:08

Also think about what secondary school they’ll go to and if this school is a feeder school.

JanesBlond · 09/09/2023 18:08

I know you said DS doesn’t have SEN but are there any physical disability concerns that would affect the decision? I’m confused as to why you would have to drive to the school that is a 25 min walk away

TolkiensFallow · 09/09/2023 18:13

There’s a lot to be said for being able to walk to a school but 15mins is barely anything so if you think it’s the better school then I’d put it down.

FlowerTink · 09/09/2023 18:15

I'd consider friendships too. We go to the closest school and it's been ideal for meeting and making friends for the DC as well as for me on the school runs as you're all walking the same way. Also children who live nearby/in the surrounding roads will likely go to the one around the corner which would make playdates easier, as well as them walking to the school on their own when they are in the older years

Onelifeonly · 09/09/2023 18:17

Visiting each school will give you insight into the atmosphere there, their approach to the curriculum, their priorities, facilities, intake etc. You also need to think what would suit your son, as well as factors like ease of access. (Eg might you need an after school club open till 6.00 everyday, do they do a lot of community events that you might like to attend to meet other parents etc)

I had two schools equidistant to choose from. At the time, one was a two form entry infant school with a linked junior school which had a separate head. The other a one form entry all through primary but a church school (I'm not religious). Overall I preferred the idea of the continuity of a through school and felt my child would suit a smaller school, so chose the church school. It turned out to be a brilliant choice for other reasons too - very community friendly and very child centred. My eldest had some issues and they bent over backwards to support her.

Just to give you some ideas about what to consider beyond the OFSTED report.

ClaraBourne · 09/09/2023 18:17

Don't underestimate the convenience of a short walk to school, friends close by who they see regularly, other parents nearby who might help out if a sibling is sick or you are sick, it is 7 years and a lot can change.

Original poster
CCW14 · 09/09/2023 18:18

Thepeopleversuswork · 09/09/2023 17:52

I have to say I think it’s pretty poor that your DH won’t come to look at any schools. Even if it’s a clear cut decision for him it’s his son. Why wouldn’t he at least want to do some basic research?

Or does he see that ad your job?

It’s got nothing to do with it being ‘my job’ but if he came to visit the schools then he would have to take time off work to do so, whereas i don’t work during the day so it doesn’t affect my pay/holiday. I currently have 3 schools that i definitely want to see, and may visit more as we have up to 6 choices to make. We have a holiday booked already, so DH doesn’t really want to take more holiday days in order to view schools, which I understand and agree with. I would rather he spend that tome actually doing fun days out with DS and myself

OP posts:
Original poster
CCW14 · 09/09/2023 18:19

JanesBlond · 09/09/2023 18:08

I know you said DS doesn’t have SEN but are there any physical disability concerns that would affect the decision? I’m confused as to why you would have to drive to the school that is a 25 min walk away

It would be a 25mins walk for me (according to google) but in the mornings when DS is walking it would probably be more like 35mins

OP posts:
cansu · 09/09/2023 18:23

I think your husband is right. With every school there will be people who are happy, people who thinks it's OK and those who rant and rave. Ofsteds change quickly. Staff change and this can also make a huge difference. Your child will need local friends. You will soon get sick of travelling. What happens if your mum can't do pick up in a year's time or your hours change? What about parties? You should also consider that you won't get in. Would you get into the secondary close to this school? If not your dc may be upset that all his friends will but not him as he lives too far away.

Bluevelvetsofa · 09/09/2023 18:25

The most important thing is to visit the schools and see what their ethos is and how you feel about it seeing the teachers and the head. Ask if you can visit during the school day too, so you can see how they function.

As well as admission criteria which can change year on year, remember that you aren’t choosing a school for your child, you’re expressing a preference for one over another. The criteria of ‘better’ school will depend very much on what you prioritise. For some, it will be academic rigour, for others, a nurturing community and pastoral care will be of great importance.

JanesBlond · 09/09/2023 18:33

CCW14 · 09/09/2023 18:19

It would be a 25mins walk for me (according to google) but in the mornings when DS is walking it would probably be more like 35mins

Show quote history

That just sounds like walking distance to me 🤷‍♀️ especially as you’ve said you’re not pressed for time

UsingChangeofName · 09/09/2023 18:35

Like most, I wouldn't use distance alone as the sole criteria, but I would emphasize to you it is a BIG factor.
Remember this isn't for a few weeks, or months or even a year, this is for 7 years (if you have an only, a lot more if you have other dc). It is SUCH a bonus to live close by on so many occasions over that time.
Also don't take any notice of "what people say on Facebook". Honestly, I see people asking on FB for my line of work, and there is no correlation between the positive comments and the quality of the service they are asking about. If you have opinions from people you know and value, that might be different, although it is human nature to "justify" your choice.

As everyone has said - go and visit. See what you feel, but do factor in the convenience of a school that is close.

Seashellies · 09/09/2023 18:38

We chose a school that was a short drive away because it had a better reputation, we switched to the closer walkable one for year 1 and I don't regret it for one second. Honestly unless a school is absolutely awful different settings suit different children better so it's worth looking at a few; but for us a few minutes walk plus having wraparound care was the best choice. Days me and/or DH haven't felt great it's been a nice easy walk for drop off, when we have had to rush back for work it's nice as simple, when the weather is crap its not been an issue and it was good for DS to walk with his friends in year 6.

Balloonsandroses · 09/09/2023 18:38

It’s worth thinking about how the practicalities will work if things go wrong. My daughter goes to school a drive away because they had before and after school club provision when the village school didn’t and we both worked. Unfortunately since then I’ve become unwell, unable to work and not allowed to drive according to dvla guidelines so the school run is now a nightmare and I desperately wish she was at the school in walking distance.

Original poster
CCW14 · 09/09/2023 18:58

JanesBlond · 09/09/2023 18:33

That just sounds like walking distance to me 🤷‍♀️ especially as you’ve said you’re not pressed for time

Show quote history

I’m not pressed for time on the way back. The thought of having to getting up extra early to allow him time to walk doesn’t fill me with joy 🙈🤣

OP posts:
dressedforcomfort · 09/09/2023 19:02

Speaking as a former Primary governor, you need to definitely visit both schools and see for yourself. All schools are very individual and suit different types of kids/families. You can pick up a good vibe for a school by talking to the staff. (I ruled out one school for my DS pretty quickly because the attitude of the Head towards DS's SEND needs was appalling.) I ruled out another because the class set up (mixed age groups) wouldn't have worked for my kid.

TaraRhu · 09/09/2023 19:03

Don't underestimate the convenience of round the corner. We had a similar dilemma. Convenience won and no I'm ' in it' I'm so glad we went for his school and not the 'outstanding' one a mile away. Ofsted isn't everything. Our school is 'good' but I've been super impressed with it.

BusyBees1234 · 09/09/2023 19:04

We only applied to the schools that matched our needs (after school club)

We didn't apply to the only school in our catchment as it didn't have an ASC

We got our first choice which also happens to be the closest school but isn't in our catchment!

All three we applied for were out of our catchment but all three had ASC

Catchment areas can be strange, the nearest school (0.4 mile) isn't in our's

kitsuneghost · 09/09/2023 19:12

Perhaps if all kids went to their nearest school the parking at schools and traffic at school hours and children inhaling exhaust fumes wouldn't be as much of an issue.

PuttingDownRoots · 09/09/2023 19:19

Re catchment areas... People use "catchment area" to mean two different things.

Some areas have fixed zones, within which children get priority. These zones can be odd shaped.

Other areas just use distance, and catchment just means the area in which children normally get a place.

PeggyPiglet · 09/09/2023 19:19

kitsuneghost · 09/09/2023 19:12

Perhaps if all kids went to their nearest school the parking at schools and traffic at school hours and children inhaling exhaust fumes wouldn't be as much of an issue.

Depends. The small village schools are a nightmare because alot of the kids come from smaller nearby villages which don't have schools., so have to drive.

You're basically screwed if you want to live in a small, picturesque village.

No primary school in my village. Nearest one is 5 minutes drive.

I don't really understand why people don't just park somewhere 5-10 mins walk away, then walk. It would save hassle trying to park next to the school.
You can also drop your child off at a friend's house so they can walk together when older.