To be pissed off at my friend?

[yuthinism]

There is a big event happening in my town over the weekend. I asked one of my closest friends if she wanted to go and she said that she was going with a work friend. Fair enough. No problem. None of my other friends were going and I didn't fancy going alone so decided I wouldn't go.

Then this morning she text to say she had cancelled going with her work friend and she wasn't feeling like going anymore. Fair enough.

Then just received another text saying that she is now heading in (it's an all day thing) with a different friend. I'm quite put out the fact that she knew I wanted to go and didn't even offer but is quite happy to go with this other friend she has literally just met.

AIBU?

No, it’s a bit of a thoughtless snub. However, the fact that she’s told you, does she think you’re going anyway?

No she knows I'm not. She literally gives me a play by play of her day.

I would have text back, is it ok if I meet up with you there.

Yep that's shitty of her!

Did you tell her you weren't going?

It’s weird of her to keep updating you while knowing you’re not going but wanted to

I don’t understand why she told you her plans had changed in the first place.

Sorry you feel let down op. It’s probably not v helpful to say this but the time to tackle this was immediately. You could have said “ why didn’t you ask me?” It may have been a genuine mistake on her art. At least ask her to explain before dropping her.

I thought the same

Does she think you’re going?

I’d of taken the message about her no longer going with her friend as a opening for you to say ‘do you want to go with me’ and when you didn’t she thought you didn’t want to/was already going?

Is she a shitty friend!? If not it might just be a misunderstanding?

I've had this happen and have asked if I can tag along. Address it with her.

But does she know the reason for you not going is because of not wanting to go alone?

Because if she only knows that you're not going (and assumes you have reasons for that) - why would she ask if you want to go with her?

I think you perhaps need to speak up and invite yourself along in these kind of situations. Not be annoying or a third wheel, just ask if you can meet up with them as you'd like to go but will be on your own.

"Oh fantastic, I'm going too, I'll see you there, we can meet for coffee/lunch."

Unless you don't want to be friends with her in which case you need to do something about her daily text diarrhoea.

She's meeting her boyfriend and his friend there also so I don't feel comfortable as her boyfriend doesn't like me

Well if she's meeting up with her boyfriend who you don't get on with, then I would think you wouldn't have enjoyed it anyway being with them.

Friendship? What friendship?

I had been friends with a woman for several years. She started being critical about pretty much everything. In April 2022 I found my much loved male cat dead on my kitchen floor. It was devastating. In June I was really missing him. I texted her that I was missing him. Her response was for me to get out of the house and do something fun. Seriously? I stopped responding to her texts. She threatened to drive an hour and force me to talk to her. That was enough for me.

Fast forward to March this year. We had started talking a bit in December after another older cat passed. I was scheduled for hip surgery in April. My sister was supposed to stay with me. That didn’t happen. My ex-friend came to help get the house together so I could use a walker. She did very little. Then she decided I should put off my surgery. Um, no. I was barely walking! Then she decided I should have her stay at my house and feed my animals while I went to a rehab. Um, nope. She just wouldn’t stop, just like the previous June. I stopped responding again. She texted a bunch of times assuming I was going to do what she said. No way!

She texted after my surgery to see how I was doing. I didn’t respond and she started with the barrage of texts again. She gave up faster this time. Oh, she said I didn’t get to not respond just because I was mad at her. Wow.

So, friendship? What friendship? You don’t deserve to be disrespected at all. Choices you make for you are the right choices for you. She can only make choices that are for her. I just don’t get people who think they have to run other people’s lives, especially when they are doing a bad job with their own. :-)

SaponificationQueen Without knowing the backstory it sounds as though you are as difficult as your friend. You sound very unforgiving.

OP, I would try not to get too upset. Going with a boyfriend is different to picking another friend to go with.

So the real reason is probably that you don’t get on with her boyfriend. Why not try going on your own?

Are you sure she's not expecting to see you there?

She probably assumed since it was local to you you’d be there. Why don’t you just ask her can you meet her/tag along or whatever?

@SayingwhatIreallythink :

You are right, you don’t know the back story. The woman is very controlling and doesn’t have any friends for long. It was a culmination of years of her trying to control everything. Trust me, I forgave her on numerous occasions. I was probably the longest term friend she had. She even told me once that she doesn’t keep friends for long because she makes everyone mad.

If someone continuously stomps on boundaries, I only put up with it so long, then sometimes just not participating in the chaos is what is needed. Oh, and I have never had someone tell me that I’m difficult. Just the opposite actually.