DP & I recently concluded that we’ve stopped talking and started becoming Netflix bums on the weekend. He had a lot on his plate due to a large time consuming project so he never had energy on the weekends to do anything else, and I was happy to just be there with him so never encouraged anything else.
In fact, we recently realized that despite being together for a relatively long time, there’s a lot of the basics that we still don’t know about each other. We’ve decided to take a couple of weeks apart without physically seeing each other to focus on ourselves and our expectations for our relationship longterm.
Without sugar coating it, DP & I had troubled childhoods and he had an abusive relationship that still effects him to date. His ex-girlfriend is now dating my work colleagues nephew and that work colleague recently confided in me and mentioned how her nephew is being abused mentally and physically. I shared this with DP and DP’s response was, “I always wondered would she batter the next one?” and my heart completely sank and I realised I probably shouldn’t have said anything.
Unlike DP, I went to psychotherapy and was able to address some of these problems in a safe space and move forward from them while DP’s never had any luck connecting with a psychotherapist. I know that you can’t force someone into therapy and that they will seek therapy when they’re ready, therefore I never and never will pressure DP to go to psychotherapy but will continue to support him until he is ready one day.
DP recently admitted he felt that he wasn’t suitable for a relationship because he felt he still had a lot to work on personally and doesn’t want his issues to come between my happiness and personal growth. I reassured him that I was happy and progressing throughout our relationship but respected his opinions enough to not beg or encourage him to stay, and would provide a safe space for us to amicablly breakup and remain friends should be never need someone to reach out to.
The following day, DP apologized for being dull and expressed that he didn’t want us to breakup but remain together and give things another shot. We both have a lot of love for each other and our relationship has generally been good so far. He concluded that his past relationships are hindering ours but he wants to break that cycle together and allow himself to be happy. Compared to his exes, he says that I’m almost “too good to be true”. I’m very much in love with DP and agreed to work closely together this time, but I suggested the couple of weeks apart to allow us to both rational think and not make any abrasive decisions.
AIBU to think this could work? I don’t ever want to call DP troubled but my heart is completely breaking for him but also myself, it’s sometimes hard to be with someone who is always waiting for the ball to drop because of past relationships. Some of his behaviours can become very defensive at times due to his past relationship and his way of combatting things can be a little funny but I know these are his flight or fight mode responses.