For refusing to accept birthday gift for son?

[BoyMamma2]

Bit of background. I’m not close to my parents. My dad is a very over powering man who bully’s to get his way. I was very materialistically spoilt as a child and it’s made my adult life rough. I don’t want that upbringing for my children.

my parents however refuse to accept this. Since my 8 year old was born they have constantly bought expensive gifts not even at special occasions but just for the sake of it.

A few years ago I bought a gift for my sons Christmas I’d specifically told them not to buy him. A few days prior to Christmas they took him for a few hours and brought him home with the item. I was devastated. I was so excited to see him open it on Christmas Day. It couldn’t be returns at this point and I was unable to afford a replacement.

I told them if that happened again I wouldn’t be accepting the gift and they’d have to deal with an upset child.
Today, my sons birthday. They had mentioned a games console at nearly £500 and I said no. One he’s too young, two we’ve no space, and three he has a console and it’s a battle to get him off it.
They turned up tonight with the console. I thanked them but said that we couldn’t keep it and asked them to leave .

I knew my dad would become aggressive which is why i asked him to leave . He left shouting I’m mentally unstable and a lunatic. It pretty much ruined my sons birthday and he’s really embarrassed.
Son isn’t fussed about games console tbh.but he’s upset seeing me shouted at.
Dads position is I can’t afford these things (true) but that isn’t why I don’t want it. I just don’t want experience gifts that aren’t needed.

You did the right thing. They just don’t like that you are enforcing a boundary

Good on you. It's a way for your dad to control you. Money. Tell your son, in a way he will understand, that you asked his grandfather not to buy that because your ds already has a console.

I think you made a great step forward in standing up to your dad here. I would write to him explaining that it's your son, your rules about what toys, clothes, trips, holidays etc and he can either except that or not see you and your son again. Sorry but going no contact or very low contact is probably the best option if your father doesn't accept that

Well done for holding your boundary. You should be proud of yourself for doing something hard

Nothing wrong with your parenting at all. Good work.

Well done! You're totally right, they sound awful

You did the right thing. What a bully.

Your son is absolutely better off having healthy boundaries and good values modelled to him, even if it's put a cloud over this birthday

So glad you stood your ground on this. You set a boundary and your dad ignored it, that's not ok and you are absolutely not being unreasonable. Your son will learn a valuable lesson in what he witnessed.
I would discuss what happened and why with your son and be tempted to say let's restart your birthday today and take him out somewhere so he has a happy memory without it being tarnished. Doesn't need to cost much money, a picnic on the park, a treasure hunt around your home, a home cinema day build a fort and watch movies or something you know he would love.

We had this one Christmas. Grandparent had said I want to get D this tech item. I said absolutely not, she's too young and I don't want that in her life.

Christmas Day arrives and D opens said present. I was fuming at the time but didn't want to spoil Xmas day so I kept quiet. But I returned the item to grandparent which caused them to go no contact.

It puts you in an awful position as really the child would love the gift but you are the parent.

He's just a bully. Let him have his tantrum away from you and your family.

Well done for being a strong and responsible parent. You did the right thing.

Has your father got any idea how addictive they are? Perhaps he’s very ignorant or just doesn’t care.

Well done. You did exactly right, don’t doubt yourself now. Your dad probably will continue with the ‘you’re an idiot’ narrative because he’s had a lifetime of being a bully and getting his own way. Could you go low contact to avoid that? You are being an excellent parent

Do they do it on purpose to top you? That's really mean if they do. Can you ask him to set up a savings account instead?

Thanks all.

We were no contact for many years before I had children. I’ve said days out with ice creams etc are a fine way to “spoil” them. That doesn’t give him the same boasting glory though.

We are having some space for now. When you’re constant manipulated sometimes you need another person perspective as it rots your mind.

Your Dad needs to but out and if he left the house shouting I would suggest he’s the one who is mentally unstable. I would firmly and politely tell him you don’t want him in your house again unless he can behave and not to concern themselves with any more expensive presents.