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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Don’t feel part of family

3 replies

Applejack22 · 08/09/2023 19:36

I have a reasonably large extended family on one side, who are all quite close with one another. I get on very well with them all but for several reasons they all socialise together and very often don’t include myself or members of my immediate family ( often see pictures on Facebook of them all out together).

It’s ok, we get together on big occasions like Christmas and everyone has a great time. There’s no big reason, it’s just the way it’s worked out (lots of little reasons really but it’s all just circumstances, nothing has caused it).

I’m now approaching a milestone birthday and was hoping to organise a big get together. Having invited many of them to celebrations or parties we have held in the past, my experience has been that most of them don’t come. They let me know well in advance that they can’t make it, but it just feels like if it was someone else organising it, they would make the effort.

I’ve suggested a date/place for the celebration on our family group chat, it’s been buried straight away in other chit chat and I had one vague response that just said they liked the venue, but not saying they could come.

They are my family and of course I love them but I just feel so left out at times! AIBU to expect a bit more? Or should I just accept that they don’t have to socialise with us just because we are family?

OP posts:
User41 · 08/09/2023 19:40

I don’t think you are being unreasonable at all. It could be that they are still checking diaries, checking in with spouses, sorting childcare etc. But I think they should have at least acknowledged your invite in the group chat. Maybe it could be worth using the money you would spend on a big party to go away or do something special with your immediate family? It sounds very generous of you to host a big party for everyone anyway

Applejack22 · 08/09/2023 19:59

Thanks, I did think of maybe just doing something like that, but also I want the big celebration with my family and friends. Family-wise none of them have young children to worry about, didn’t expect an answer from them straight away as like you say diaries to check etc., but I agree acknowledgement would have been nice

OP posts:
Icycloud · 08/09/2023 22:20

Stop inviting them to stuff and invite friends instead

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