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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not get in contact with this person re being a witness

25 replies

YeahButNotForMe · 08/09/2023 19:12

This morning there was a minor accident outside our house (head on, no one’s hurt, damage to both vehicles but one could still drive away, other didn’t look too bad but could be damage you can’t see… it was collected by AA)

we live opposite a bend where honestly this shit happens all the time. People go round it without looking properly all the time, and it does my head in.

in this instance both parties were driving like docks and were in the wrong. DH and I saw it out the window while having breakfast.

while one driver seemed to be fine, the other (a girl roughly mid 20s) was obviously upset. Her friend came and went round asking about doorbells etc. she caught me as I was desperately trying to get my kids out the door when we were late for school and she would not stop talking, obviously trying to blame the other person. I said we had seen but I had to go.

when I got home this evening there was a note through the door “my friend said you saw..” with her number asking us to be a witness.

To be honest, I felt like telling her she was driving terribly and I’m sick of this happening in this bend all the time when it’s not that hard to approach it carefully. However, she was obviously really upset so I don’t want to make her feel worse.

WIBU to just not contact her? Honestly, I’ve got my own shit going on and can’t be bothered, on top of the fact I’m not going to tell her what she wants to hear.

OP posts:

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 08/09/2023 19:18

Drop a text saying your impression was that both parties were at fault, if you just ignore she'll keep coming back. She knows where you live!

Stratocumulus · 08/09/2023 19:22

It’s a bit of a moral dilemma.
I guess you are perfectly entitled to stay out of it and not respond. Given it happens often I’d probably feel the same.

Let their insurance companies fight it out. That’s what they pay them for. The outcome will probably be the same, witness story or not.

ilovemyspace · 08/09/2023 19:22

No, you don't have to contact her if you don't want. You can just ignore the note. She may ask again ......... but you can ignore again.

Or, you can reply to the note saying what you said here' both parties were driving like docks and were in the wrong' and leave the ball in her court,

Is she thinking the other driver was at fault and you would speak in her favour? Or does she want a genuine witness statement to say both parties were at fault ,in your opinion.

But, basically there's no right or wrong response or non response - if you don't want to get involved, it's fine!

Original poster

YeahButNotForMe · 08/09/2023 19:23

Did not consider this! And defo want the option that means they just leave us alone 😂

OP posts:

ghostyslovesheets · 08/09/2023 19:23

If it was head on then surely one of them was in the wrong ie on the wrong side of the road?

WhoWants2Know · 08/09/2023 19:24

ghostyslovesheets · 08/09/2023 19:23

If it was head on then surely one of them was in the wrong ie on the wrong side of the road?

That's what I was thinking

Mumof2teens79 · 08/09/2023 19:24

Oops sorry voted wrong way!
Perfectly in your rights not to contact her.
If she pesters your OH should tell her he thinks she was in the wrong...she will soon disappear

Original poster

YeahButNotForMe · 08/09/2023 19:25

They (her/her friend) definitely gave the impression that they were looking for someone to say the other person was in the wrong by the language they were using

“someone hit my friends car” for example

OP posts:

Original poster

YeahButNotForMe · 08/09/2023 19:26

She was going round the bend too fast, clearly not looking properly and cutting the corner

the other person was going much too fast up to the bend, around parked cars

so essentially they were both sort of in the middle

OP posts:

fairyfluf · 08/09/2023 19:31

Can you just say something like sorry I didn't see the actual incident just the aftermath

Original poster

YeahButNotForMe · 08/09/2023 19:34

I stupidly said “yes we saw it happen” in some sort of fugue state as I was trying to wrestle my kids in the car on time for school.

if I’d have been less flustered I would have definitely lied and said I didn’t see!

OP posts:

ilovemyspace · 08/09/2023 19:35

YeahButNotForMe ^^And defo want the option that means they just leave us alone 😂

She was going round the bend too fast, clearly not looking properly and cutting the corner

😁......... this may be the option!!

Original poster

YeahButNotForMe · 08/09/2023 19:38

I definitely think I will just text and say in the politest way possible that my impression was both parties were at fault.

I don’t want to upset her after she was clearly really upset about it but also don’t want her coming back!

thanks all

OP posts:

ilovemyspace · 08/09/2023 19:39

@Mumof2teens79

If she pesters your OH should tell her he thinks she was in the wrong...she will soon disappear

why does her OH have to tell her??

FOJN · 08/09/2023 19:53

She was going too fast. Do you know she was exceeding the speed limit?

She was clearly not looking properly? How do you know this?

She was cutting the corner. This IS relevant, did you see her car cross the center line?

Did the other driver cross the center line to navigate around parked cars when they should have given way to oncoming traffic?

Would there have been room for both cars to pass each other?

I think much of your view has been informed by the fact that it happens frequently and does your head in. You're under no obligation to act as a witness to support her claim but your estimation of her her speed and attentiveness will not be useful for the insurance company as neither can be proven by you.

CClaire · 08/09/2023 20:02

She might actually feel better for a gently worded text. Might help her to feel she’s not ‘the victim’ and also, down the line if it’s expensive, that she wasn’t shafted.

Original poster

YeahButNotForMe · 08/09/2023 20:06

When I say “too fast” I don’t mean exceeding the speed limit. But the impression was certainly that she did not slow to an appropriate speed which would give her time to look round the bend properly. It is a bend which you have to approach with real caution. DH even said “they’re going round there quick” before we heard the bang.

there is room for two cars to pass but you have to go very slowly because there’s not lots of room. You couldn’t get a van and a car through for example.

the visibility is quite poor as there is a lot of greenery this time of year. We’ve asked the council about it so many times but they have done nothing. We have done what we can but without more heavy duty tools it is still not great.

OP posts:

Bellyblueboy · 08/09/2023 20:07

all That will happen is a solicitor will get in touch and ask you o write down what you saw. It will take ten minutes, maybe 15.

I recently did this after witnessing an accident.

but you really don’t have to if you don’t want to. If you tell her it was her fault
from what you saw they will leave you alone.

meganorks · 08/09/2023 20:12

When I was a teenager I was a witness to a car accident involving someone I knew through a club. I guess he assumed I was going to paint him in a good light as I knew him. But I had no idea about driving rules so when they paperwork came through I just reported what I saw. I guess it wasn't in his favour as he seemed to hate me from then on!

I would probably ignore but if the girl persists tell her that what you saw was her driving badly.

Katrinawaves · 08/09/2023 20:13

You could neutralise your message by not referring to the actual drivers. So something along the lines if

”I witnessed the accident and my opinion was that both drivers were equally at fault because they were both travelling too fast for the current road conditions (visibility was poor due to overgrown vegetation) and both cars had crossed the centre line at the point of impact”

Rightsraptor · 08/09/2023 20:14

If I lived near an accident hot spot, I rather think I'd have a blanket policy of not having seen anything, unless serious injury had occurred.

BrightGreenMoonBuggy · 08/09/2023 21:01

I’d give a statement for sure, but it would be a truthful one. Drive like idiots, pay the price.

Mumof2teens79 · 08/09/2023 22:40

ilovemyspace · 08/09/2023 19:39

@Mumof2teens79

If she pesters your OH should tell her he thinks she was in the wrong...she will soon disappear

why does her OH have to tell her??

Sorry I read it that (only) her OH saw it, not OP.
So if he was the witness he should say something....but I read it wrong

Sugarfree23 · 08/09/2023 23:25

You don't need to say who you think was at fault.
You just need to say what you saw, red car was in the middle for x reason white car for y reason and they collided.

You don't need to guess speed or anything else.

Bellyblueboy · 09/09/2023 19:34

Sugarfree23 · 08/09/2023 23:25

You don't need to say who you think was at fault.
You just need to say what you saw, red car was in the middle for x reason white car for y reason and they collided.

You don't need to guess speed or anything else.

The statement I have asked who I thought was at fault. I was surprised - I thought I would just give the facts not my opinion!

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