To not go round DP tonight

[Mulberrytree20]

It's been a week, I've started a new job and had a child arrangement court case this week. My job is extremely hands on and draining mentally. I'm a single parent so also had to get my DC ready for school, do them lunches, take them etc. My house looks like a bombs gone off inside. DC has gone to the other parents this weekend so I have a night to myself, which I get every other weekend. I've told DP I want to stay home tonight and we were suppose to be spending tomorrow night together and going out for a meal. DP has gotten in a mood with me and said their DC is upset because they are not getting on well with their new school. Whilst I empathise and feel sad for DP child, I myself are feeling phyically and mentally drained after this week so feel like I need to rest and sort the house out tonight/tomorrow morning before I see them. So now DP has said they can't come to the meal now because their DC doesnt want to see their parent. Even though just before I mentioned I werent coming round they were discussing what food to have tomorrow.

AIBU because DP is making out i'm being selfish and not thinking of them or their DC. Whereas I'm just protecting my mental health and wellbeing having a rest at home tonight.

Just let him pout and do what you have to do. Yanbu in the slightest and you should take note of this incident because it's a scenario that could easily happen again and you deserve flexibility and understanding.

Re think this relationship. DP is their parent not you and needs to act as one.
Sounds very entitled and an …
Enjoy your night of peace x

He sounds like a selfish arse, and wants you to parent his child. His child is not your problem. You need a rest and recharge, if he cannot accept that, then maybe he isn't the man for you.

If your DP’s DC are upset, surely it’s better that you don’t go round as DP can concentrate on his DC?

You’re not the support human for your DP or his/ her child.

You need to prioritise your child and your wellbeing, and DP can parent in his/her own family.

Definitely add this incident to your mental red flag list OP… he should be very understanding and supportive. I’d be breezy in my response and say “Sounds like you need to get some quality time with your DC so we will catch up soon!”

All of this! He doesn't sound great.

Your partner is a whiny, needy twat.

You are not their DC's parent and you are not responsible for counselling their DC about their school issues. That is for your DP to deal with, not you. You are not being selfish, your DP is being selfish by expecting you to parent their child as well as your own when you don't even live together.

They're being petty and manipulative and they need to fuck off.

I just text and said are we going for a meal tomorrow then as i need to book it as it will be busy. I got a reply saying I just told you DC was upset- do you even care. Im not annoyed youre not coming round tonight, I expected it tbh

Put yourself first - you sounds like you are exhausted.
Is he often like this with no consideration for your feelings?

Excuses the very bad English. You sound not you sounds.
Its been a long week!

I just text and said are we going for a meal tomorrow then as i need to book it as it will be busy. I got a reply saying I just told you DC was upset- do you even care. Im not annoyed youre not coming round tonight, I expected it tbh

I’d reply and say I’m sorry your DC is upset however that’s not my concern to address.

Im also upset, I’ve had a mentally taxing and emotional week and I need to sort my own household out for 1 evening.

I would not be apologising, he’s trying to guilt you by pushing is DC being upset on to you.

Crikey. Turn your phone off and have a weekend to yourself.

I’m confused…
were you meant to be having a meal tmrw just with DP as his child was going to be with their other parent. But not the child doesn’t want to go to other parent so he’s cancelling your meal?

if so YANBU to cancel going round tonight but he’s also not unreasonable to cancel tmrw night if he needs to take care of his child who’s having a hard time.

it’s hard when a child is having a hard time but that’s not your stress to deal with. You also need to take care of yourself.

i would reply
”of course I care. Of course you need to prioritise DC…we can do the meal another time”
and see what he says…
if he continues to try to guilt trip you then 🚩

I don't quite understand. His child is upset because they are having trouble settling into a new school. What does that have to do with you going to his place tonight? How do the two events relate?

Who needs that kind of aggro! Have a nice weekend to yourself. Court is extremely emotionally draining and upsetting even if it goes your way and he obviously has no respect for that.

Leave them to stew. You don't need somebody else being hard work on your limited time.

Is it really worth the hassle? There's not much in the way of being supportive to you there (like nothing at all, just an entitled strop).

I'm not sure how the two relate, but it sounds like he's looking for an argument. Don't give it air, just a "ok, sounds like DC and I have both had a mad week. I'll make other plans for tomorrow".

Honestly though, why are you with such a twerp?