To make this a feminist issue

[followingthebreath]

My lovely, clever and not very 'cool' DD has just started Year 4. Desperate to be on the school 'eco council' and wrote a long election talk. Full of facts and genuine interest in the environment. She worked so hard.

Of course the coolest naughtiest boy won the 'popularity contest' aka 'election.' She's a bit teary.

I feel like I've said all the right things and DD has taken it well and will bounce back.

But... AIBU to want to say something more to her? Like that this does reflect reality in some way, the poorly behaved boys are literally in government and talented women do sometimes have their voices ignored!

YANBU: there is a way to frame this feminist issue to an 8 year old which makes sense
YABU: leave the girl alone, she's bounced back and it's not a huge issue!

Don’t make it into a big issue. The “popular” child could just as easily been a girl.

Be proud of her hard work and initiative, be even prouder she’s brushed off the disappointment. And then I’d leave it there.

I think I’d be more inclined to have a word to the school about not making these things a popularity contest.

No! Don't do that. That will knock her confidence and make her think there's no point in trying.
See this as an opportunity to get better. Work with her in the future to make her speech more entertaining and engaging.

No, don’t make it into an issue. Let her realise herself over time. I think if I’d have been told at 8 that the world was against me, I would have known my place in it all and lost aspirations. I was instead told to keep trying and that I could be whatever I wanted, so now I’m a very senior female in a very male dominated environment.

This is why single sex schools are better for girls.

You're right, thank you, I needed to remember that! Although I do think there is a wider thing here it does feel like it's about popularity.

YABU: The presence of Suella Braverman, Penny Mordaunt, Therese Coffey and Kemi Badenoch in government suggests this is more a popularity contest issue rather than a feminist issue.

If a gobshite girl had stood for the Eco-Council, she might have won. It's intelligence and effort that the hoi polloi despise 😂

You're right! I do think I need to contact the school when I'm less annoyed

I do agree with your point but we've all got to pretend that if you work hard enough you'll be rewarded. But equally , we don't know what the boy said , how engaging he was or how far he would be able to get people on board with the cause through his approach and personality. Which I guess really you want the whole package which isn't meant to be offensive about your daughter.

I wish you were wrong but I think you have nailed it!! Thank you!

It's not a feminist issue. Positions elected by your fellow students have always been popularity contests. Back when I was in school, I always was a bit of a clown who made jokes during class and skived off from time to time with my lacrosse buddies. Still managed to get voted onto certain councils (was on one despite having only the vaguest knowledge of what the council even does) because my friends and teammates all voted for me.

Be proud of your daughter and encourage her to keep trying. Don't make her feel like the odds are stacked against her.

@followingthebreath Thanks! It took me many years to figure out why Conservatives won elections but I finally realised it was the combination of money for a slick campaign and tapping into uniquely British passive aggressiveness which involves silently seething about people smarter or more successful than themselves. People vote Tory because they like people who take the same half arsed approach to understanding issues as they do.

It could well be a feminist issue
Who is more likely to push themselves forward
Who is more likely to plough ahead without having a good grasp of the issues
Who is more likely to be willing to wing it.
Traditionally boys and men.

Popular kids always win these things..My dc experienced this with the school council. It's pretty shit really. I don't think it's a feminist issue though.

Yes this was where I was going with it, thank you.

Overall though people here who said leave it, they were right, I left it in this instance and we've not brought it up... but it's chugging away somewhere as something to explore with DD at some appropriate point between now and when she notices it for herself!

This. My daughter had similar experiences at mixed primary. I wasn’t going to watch her having the confidence kicked out of her at secondary by boys.

This