Guilt

[Nikki360]

So my 13 year old daughter has to have four teeth out for braces. The first two were taken out today. My middle daughter had the same done few years ago and although not pleasant coped really well. I don’t know what happened today but we went in and she was crying and hyperventilating but talking her down helped and she was then fairly calm. I was starting to feel awful and just wanted to leave. My husband was there as well. The anaesthetic was done and she was doing not bad. Dentist told her to raise her hand if anything sore but she had checked and my daughter said no pain. She started extracting the tooth and my daughter was crying, I thought the sensation of the tooth getting pulled was freaking her out and then realised she was in pain. It all happened so fast. Tooth came out and bottoms one was then done. My daughter said bottom one was nothing compare to top one. I nearly fainted in the room and I’ve felt horrendous all day. I feel like the worst mother in the world. I should have stopped it but I didn’t realise and well I’ve cried so much since ( not in front of my daughter) she’s absolutely fine but I’m not. The guilt is awful.

In the gentlest possible way, she is 13 and was told if she feels any pain to raise her hand. How could you intervene and know she's in pain if she didn't communicate this?

Yes that’s so true, she was just so upset and I said to her why didn’t you raise your hand? and she said I didn’t know if it was meant to be sore as she’s never had a tooth out. She was obviously in pain and I don’t know why dentist didn’t stop. It sounds so silly but im
so so upset. I feel like I let her down x

I think you're overthinking this. It was an unpleasant experience but in the grand scheme of things, she's fine, the teeth are out and now she knows what having a tooth removed feels like. Having my wisdom tooth removed tomorrow myself, so know the anxiety of going to dentist and tooth extractions, so not trying to minimise her experience, but be kind to yourself and stop beating yourself up. You haven't let her down, it was unfortunate, but also by the sounds of it done very quickly and had a good experience afterwards (sounds like bottom tooth was extracted painlessly?), so hopefully no permanent fear of the dentist and now she knows to raise her hand if she ever needs another one out (fingers crossed for her she doesn't).

Thankyou yes im sure I am definitely overthinking. It was quick and bottom tooth out no problems. Back next week for two more out but then that’s it. Sure next week will be much easier. Good luck for tomorrow my eldest daughter got her wisdom tooth out during lockdown and she said it was absolutely fine ( she had to go in herself) Thankyou again xx

Are you sure it was actually pain? I remember having mine out as a teenager and I had an almost pain like reaction to it, but it wasn't actually painful. I could feel the tooth being ripped from my gums and the pressure and give that went with it, that was really horrible in itself and I got pretty upset/ in a kind of shock.

Thank-you so much yes that makes sense I remember mine being taken out and I totally get what you mean. She keeps saying second one was better but that could just be because she had already had one out? Panic can make everything seem worse and she was panicking a lot x

It's done, she's OK. I would
move on. She is less upset than you. I'm sure the dentist is experienced and could've told by other body language if pain was too much.

I agree with pp that you are overthinking. I cried like crazy when having ooh extracted wven with anesthetic. I looked like i was in pain and has no pain relief but wasn't, it was just the terrible sensation. If she were in pain, she would say. Some teeth have deeper roots so might feel worse than other apparently.

I had my 4 wisdom teeth out recently. One of them just wouldn't come out and dentist was having to really use a lot of force. I had tears streaming down my face. Not because it massively hurt, it was just a weird kind of reaction I had no control over. My god though, the pain afterwards was horrendous. I was so swollen and even my lip was split 🤦🏻‍♀️

Thankyou yes I didn’t think of that either that also makes sense I just keep thinking of her in pain and I’m definitely overthinking it xx

Having had my wisdom tooth out this morning, there were some moments of being uncomfortable but wouldn't describe it painful though. Now the local anaesthetic has worn off that's another story, so if she's not complaining about pain now, she's doing well! Ouchy!
Hope you're feeling better OP and stopped blaming yourself!

Thankyou so much feeling bit better today and my daughter has no pain just rinsing with salt water. Hope your feeling better soon xx

You're definitely overthinking. She was told what to do if it hurt. She was already wound up, and it didn't hurt enough that she moved/ stopped it. There is no reason to have this level of a reaction to the situation yourself.

Thankyou xx