Relationship difficulties in ASD girls

[RightSaidFred72]

Posting for traffic.

DD(11) had an ASD assessment earlier in the year. She scored highly, but didn't meet the criteria for a diagnosis due to a lower score in the part "significant difficulties in developing, maintaining and understanding relationships".

The thing is, as a mum I just KNOW. DD says herself she KNOWS. To me, it's clear as day, living with her every day. And her other areas of difficulty are becoming more and more evident.

It basically infers in the assessment the lower score is because she can make and maintain friendships.

She DOES have friends...but still struggles hugely. Struggles to understand the nuances of friendships, falls in and out of favour with them whenever the wind changes direction, never really asks or arranges to see them at weekends, doesn't seem to miss them if she hasn't seen them for months (as was in lockdown), etc.

For those with ASD girls...especially those who have a number of friends...what do their struggles look like? How do you think they differ from the friendships of NT girls?

I'm sorry to hear that your DD didn't get a formal diagnosis. I can't imagine how frustrating that must be when you and her both know.
My eldest DD (9) is autistic. She has a few friends and is able to maintain friendships with them although her friends are also autistic. I would say in terms of friendships with NT children she struggles and has always struggled. She tends to fire questions at other children who mistake her friendly overtures for interrogation. She also is very innocent, wants to control games and can't understand why no one plays to her rules and gets v upset if she sees/hears something that breaks a rule for example swearing. She has been in the same class since reception now and I think that the majority of her class tolerate rather than actively like her.
It's been very interesting for me to observe DD2 (nearly 6) who is most definitely NT. she seems to effortlessly have that magic ingredient that my eldest doesn't have when it comes to friendships and understands those unwritten social rules.
It's so difficult OP. Not one autistic person is the same. Girls also tend to mask a lot. I just wanted to share my experience and wish you and your DD all the best

My 14-year-old can make friends but can't keep them. She struggles to understand emotions and context. She lacks an understanding of boundaries. She seems to attract friends who are not very good and overpower her.

It is something therapy is helping her navigate. But it is extremely difficult as she doesn't understand herself.