To take it personally?

[Maxetoast]

We have two group chats, one with my family one with DH family.

In my family’s everyone responds to each other, usually

In DHs family everyone responds to each other, apart from when DH or I message. We are almost always both ignored. There are 5 people in the group chat in addition to ourselves. Of these, 1 is less technically minded. 1 is lovely and responds to everyone. The other 3 consistently ignore us, it doesn’t matter what we say, even if we simply ask them how they are.

AIBU to take it personally and think why?? The one relative that does respond has told me privately she thinks they are jealous of us, but it baffles me tbh as I don’t see a need for anyone to feel this way about anyone!

This does sound like passive aggression to me.

Do you mean from them or from me? I really don’t get it, we have not done anything to offend them and in fact rarely see them not through lack of our trying. To be fair they often ignore the relative that responds too. But they all respond to each other. DH thinks I need to stop bothering as I look like I’m trying hard and each time it gets ignored, suppose he’s right, what’s the use in talking to myself!

We have that too. When 1 set of grandchildren are featured, loads of adoring response. The other side of the family - no response whatsoever unless it's a picture of food. We joke that to get the grandkids seen, they should pose holding a pork pie.

Very sad but it seems to not be uncommon.

That’s so sad. I really don’t understand how people could ignore a pic of grandkids, especially when kids change so much. Really shows their true colours when they don’t bother doesn’t it. We don’t have kids yet but hoping to soon and I can’t see them changing tbh. Everything DH has achieved so far has been met with a ‘jokey’ comment by one of these relatives. I do think they see it as a competition but they shouldn’t, everyone has their own timeline.

As my other half keeps saying, you live and behave to your own standards not theirs.
It could be something as simple as the old not telling someone who looks amazing that they look amazing but they must obviously know. Maybe they don't think you need their approval?