Stag Do

[UnreasonableDilmea]

Hello

My Fiance and I are due to marry on 30th September 2023.

His best man has arranged his stag do and they are going to a European city. He said in the past he has been on stripclubs and has recieved private dances - not whilst he has been with me. He said he was early 20s and single. He is 46 for context.

He said him and an ex gf used to go to stripclubs when they lived in London as they were the only nice clubs open and he said he wouldnt have an issue going into a club for a drink.

However, I have told him that I am totally against stripclubs and would call off the wedding if he goes to one. He has said int he past that although he doesnt see going to one as "cheating" - he would see a dance as cheating, though - he said that WE have agreed that it would be cheating in our relationship.

Now he is saying that he cant guarantee his best man hasnt arranged anything to do with a stripclub and doesnt want to speak to him as it will be embarassing. He said he doesnt apprecaite my ultmatium and he hopes that I take time to reflect on how "not normal" my reaction is.

but it isnbt my reaction. Its my boundary, one he has agreed with.

Thanks

A stag do is a bit late to say goodbye to single life! And if a sleazy strip club visit is required, maybe not being single isn't such a great idea.

YANBU OP.

Quite possibly these days but originally that’s what stag dos were for when single meant not married.

Yes I agree. "Saying goodbye to single life" made sense back when people had arranged marriages and/or had not been in a relationship prior to marriage. Does not make sense in modern culture.

I think your problem here is not the prospect of marrying a man who gets dragged to a strip club on his stag night, but the prospect of marrying a man who is very clearly the kind of person who enjoys strip clubs.

For example, I really detest the entire concept of fox-hunting. So I wouldn't want to marry a man who said 'Yeah, I've hunted lots of foxes when I was younger. I used to go fox-hunting with my ex when there was nothing else to do. It was fun.' It wouldn't matter if they said they would curtail their fox-hunting activities while we were together - I would still know that they were someone who approved of hunting foxes and found it an enjoyable activity, and for that reason we would not be compatible. I think maybe it's similar with strip clubs/lapdancing etc - he might not actually go to a strip club, but he's made it clear that he sees no issue with it, and it's that difference in outlook is the real problem here.

ManateeFair - perfectly put.

Yes. That’s absolutely the crux of it.