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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I don't want to see my Mum every week

2 replies

Randomred · 06/09/2023 22:52

My Mother has always wanted a closer relationship with me than we have. I (f52) haven't felt close to my mother (f74) since before I was a teenager. She tended to drink a lot and shared inappropriate info about her and my Dad's relationship. I left home when I was 19 and am independent with a decent job, own home etc. I see her some weekends, as during the week after work I just want to come home, have dinner and relax (I'm single with no children, she also resents the fact that I haven't provided grandchildren for her). I'm not a very people person anyway, and much prefer my own company. If I can't see her for a few weeks it doesn't bother.l me. I can't relax with her, and I'm always on my guard waiting for something to happen that will cause an argument or just make me feel like crap. I no longer go out for social events with her, and have told her that I will not speak to her if she has been drinking. I was just on holiday, then had a bad cold, so haven't seen her for 3 weeks. I have plans to go away with friends this weekend, so that will make 4 weekends I haven't seen her. Today she told me to 'go and enjoy my time with my more important family' ie, my friends. My older brother hardly sees her but she doesn't put the same level of guilt on him. Am I just being a horrible daughter? Ps, my Dad passed away 7yrs ago, she lives alone but has a boyfriend.
So AITA for not visiting?

OP posts:
Keyworks · 06/09/2023 23:00

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

RiseAgainMum · 07/03/2024 22:42

I can understand if you don’t want to see her. The negative energy levels can be quite sapping.
Phone her though and if she gets funny with you in the call, just end it.

She’s behaving badly. It’s her inner child surfacing. But let her know it’s not acceptable, and easier to do over the phone when you’ve got distance and the safety of your own environment,

Telling her you won’t speak to her if she’s been drinking is a difficult one. You’re putting conditions on your relationship which is already under tension.
Sounds like she has a deep rooted trauma that she’s covering with drink.
Perhaps sound it out when you next speak to her and if she has been drinking, be kind and just end the call nicely.
She won’t remember anything and you’ll actually feel better.

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