To ask the nursery

[WorthMentioning]

My 3 year old started nursery 4 weeks ago. He's settled well and seems to enjoy it

When I picked him up today, he told me that the boys and girls hadn't been very nice to him (first time.hes ever said anything like this). When I asked what he meant, he told me that 2 of them chased him, pulled him off the climbing frame, wouldn't let him in (?!) and repeatedly hit him. I asked if he told the teacher and he said that the teacher told them to say sorry.

I get that kids will be kids, the incident itself isn't really a major concern. What bothers me is the fact the nursery didn't mention it at pick up. They said he'd had a great day. There was also no report of it on the app, which is used daily to update parents on what their child has been up to, note learning outcomes achieved, track development, etc.

WIBU to contact the nursery and enquiry about what my son told me? He's not a storyteller and doesn't have form for making things up. He also used language that he doesn't usually (not bad language, just phrases) when telling me about it, which suggests to me thay he's repeating what the teacher said.

It he was actually hit or dragged off of equipment and injured you would expect an accident form to have been completed and that to be fed back to you at handover. If there was a bit of "being physical" and maybe pushing at each other in a disagreement about something, probably not. If parents were formally notified every time toddlers/pre-schoolers have a disagreement about something and argue or hit out at each other, you'd hear of nothing else. It stands out to your son as he felt like he was being picked on and it was unfair, it was probably one or two minutes over the course of a day of other things occurring. You could raise it with the nursery as a he mentioned this, just checking might there be an issue of some children picking on others, could you keep an eye out. But as a one-off I wouldn't be majorly concerned.

I wouldn't expect there to be a record of that, or necessarily be told. They're toddlers and they're still learning, sounds like nursery behaved appropriately. This probably happens 20 times a day, they wouldn't have time to actually look after the children if they wrote everything like that up.

Thank you. Wasn't sure what they should or shouldn't be informing me about. As it's the first time he's mentioned anything like this, and he still seems happy enough, I'll leave it. If he tells me anything similar again in the near future, I'll speak to them about it.

When I took his clothes off to bath him tonight I noticed he has bruises on his backside that he didn't have this morning. He said one of the kids poked him with a pen. I'm not feeling as relaxed about things now.

I’m going against everyone else and saying that yes, you should speak to them. Your son clearly felt upset enough about it to tell you, and he certainly shouldn’t be being dragged off climbing frames and poked so hard he’s left with bruises! I would speak to them, say he told you and you’re concerned he’s upset and that he’s got bruising also. They might not have known about the pen incident? But I would tell them and ask them to keep a closer eye on him to make sure he’s not being singled out by other children.
It’s really hard, my son started a new nursery in January and seemed fine until around mid feb when he burst into tears and said he didn’t have any friends. I spoke to nursery about it and they made an extra effort to play group games and ensure he was included, and made sure he sat in a middle seat at lunch so he wasn’t left out of chat etc. Hes now really happily settled and has a lovely little group of friends, I’m glad I said something and got a good response. Be his advocate and have a word, it’ll eat away at you if you don’t Xx

There is no harm in raising what your child has told you and asking if they can check to see how he is throughout the day. They won't feed back every bump and scrape but I would expect to hear if there was a pen incident and pulling off climbing frame

Always speak to the staff of you have concerns.

But they're not being unreasonable to have not told you about this at pick-up. If they had to report to a parent every time one child was mean to another they'd have to employ full-time tell-tale staff!

If they mentioned it every time a child was unkind to another child they'd need a rediculous amount of time to talk to parents at the end of a day.

Sounds like a fairly minor incident of the kind that nursery staff will be dealing with every 10 minutes or so during the day - they won't have time to note every single one down or probably won't even remember at pick up that Charlie pulled Alfie off the climbing frame this morning.

I work in a nursery and we’d be glad if you mentioned it on drop off.
It does sound like normal nursery behaviour and I have never witnessed a child be continuously left out, it’s usually just a 20 second thing. But yes, a mention when you drop off will do no harm.

Absolutely mention it, especially as it involved bruising. Our nursery would have picked up the phone to me during the day, let alone drop off.

Mention it when you next drop off. We'd rather know and keep an eye on the group dynamics knowing one of the children is feeling uncomfortable otherwise it can just look like any other kind of bickering that goes on through the day.

We wouldn't mention this kind of thing - it is normal social learning - unless a child was injured or one seemed overly aggressive.

Thank you all for your input.