Old boss, bad memories and a BBQ

[IStandWithACrutch]

Five years ago I took a big decision to switch career. Took a substantial pay cut for job security. It really did not work out, I had literally nothing to do in my new job and I found that very stressful, having come from an industry that was heavy on deadlines but in which I thrived on being busy.
As the weeks went by, I started waking up at 4am every morning with palpitations, and that anxiety spiralled to the point that I wasn’t functioning very well and had to be signed off work for a few weeks.
I returned to that job, hoping there’d be an improvement, but after six months I had a breakdown and was admitted to hospital for a month. After discharge and talking to an occupational therapist I realised that the job and its culture was at the root of all my issues. I quit, went back to my old industry and have been healthy and happy since. Put the whole awful experience behind me.

My daughter has a good friend from school and I get along well with her mum. She’s invited us to a barbecue on Friday along with her neighbours. This morning I saw a photo on her social media of the neighbour, and it’s my old boss from the old job. I had a visceral reaction to seeing her again and now I’m thinking I can’t face her at the barbecue. There’s no way we can’t acknowledge knowing each other, and how we do, and I haven’t shared my mental health history with anyone outside my family and very close friends. She most likely thinks I’m a loon.
AIBU to cancel our plans to go to the barbecue?

Of course you're not being unreasonable. Don't go.

I was bullied so badly by my manager at my last job I had to transfer out and dread the day our paths cross again. No way would I willingly be anywhere near her again.

Please don't go .Why do we think we need to be social to people who have made us ill . Treat yourself to something nice wee trip out when the BBQ is on and congratulate yourself on your recovery and where you are now Give it no more thought

I would happily go and just be normal so old boss can see how well I'm doing!

Nothing in your post suggests to me that the boss was the actual reason for your crisis. And it would be very shitty and very unprofessional of old boss to be talking to others about it.

That said, I can totally see why you would be nervous about it.

That’s it, she was nice! It was the job and lack of actual work that triggered the chaos for me. I’m just very nervous at the thought of seeing anyone related to that time again.

But look how far you have come!!
And if she was/is nice then she will be pleased for you.
Be proud.. you weathered the storm and came out the other side, stronger.
Well done!
Go to the bbq and hold your head high!
When your daughter is older you can use this as an example of dealing with adversity, being strong and facing lifes problems headon.
You can do this.

If you imagine telling the host you can't make it, how does that make you feel? If it's sheer relief then that's the right decision. No point spending days dreading a social function, life is far too short and we spend too much of it thinking 'I should do x'.

If the manager was nice to you then I'd go.
I'd imagine she is professional and wouldn't dream of gossiping about your previous bad health at a neighbours bbq.
You were ill and its nothing to be ashamed of, I would let this stop me from going to a bbq I was looking forward to.

It can go one of three ways

1. You don't go
2. You go and feel bad
3. You go and find some confidence from doing it.

I think it depends on how you feel though, but if your boss was nice I'd go. You might find you were stressing over nothing (not saying what you went through was nothing). Maybe go and have a get out plan if you feel you need to leave e.g. have someone call you or something