Handling left out child

[Wanttobekind]

I’ve been reading a few threads here about parents feeling upset about children being left out of parties/events. My “darling” offspring is a hell raising social butterfly who is being endlessly invited to nursery parties - my introverted idea of hell. She’s also there every day so meets all the kids who go. Her bestie isn’t being invited to any of them, I think because her speech is very delayed and it has affected her social development as well. I feel really shitty about this because she’s an absolute sweetheart, but I can’t change what other parents do.

I’m also really good friends with her mum. I had previously just been careful to not mention the invites parties but she’s now aware that they are being handed out regularly and told my husband that she feels awful, reasonably enough. Any ideas on what is the best way to handle this sensitively? Is pretending that it doesn’t exist the best way or is that going to make her feel worse. I desperately don’t want to upset her. Any suggestions welcomed.

I don't think there's much you can do apart from inviting dd's friend for playdates. Could you maybe invite the bestie and another one of two friends for a smallish playdate at yours?

Or arrange a trip to the park as a trio?

Maybe if the kids spend more 1-2-1 time with the bestie they will start to become friends?

Oooh that’s a good idea. We have lots of play dates together but hadn’t thought of doing a three way, mainly because I avoid all social interaction with other children/ parents wherever possible 😂 But there’s one other kid whose parents I can cope with so that might work. Thank you!

Just keep inviting her over, and obvs don't moan about the downsides of doing the party rounds and buying the presents.

The groups will all change when they start school anyway. Nursery is ever so young to be worrying about this.

Yeah, I know it’s only temporary. I just don’t want to upset my friend as it’s hard enough for her with all the worrying about development without having the social stuff rubbed in when there are endless party invites flying around at pick up.

Don't bring up the party invited but also don't lie about them also.

Genuinely nothing you can do and you've years of this to come 😂

No worries, you sound like a thoguhtful parent, the bestie is lucky to have your dd and you!

If they're only nursery-age, I would encourage the mum not to worry yet and I wouldn't be worried if it was my child. Yes, some 3/4 year olds go to lots of parties and do lots of playdates, but there are plenty who will start school having only been to a few parties and playdates. The main thing at this age is to make sure children have a chance to practice their social skills. So continue to invite them, do playdates and trips etc. when you can. And spend time talking to her DC so the little girl gets used to interacting with other adults who aren't her parents - that's important for school where they need to be able to articulate their needs to the adults around them.

Chances are unless you're very unlucky with schools, that there will be a fair number of whole-class parties in reception. So hopefully her DD will get plenty of opportunities for social interaction, at least to start with.

Thanks folks, I feel a bit better now. :-)