Child afraid of/resistant to change - best strategy

[valued]

I don't know how to deal with my year 1 boy. He's pretty inflexible and resistant to change. My current strategy is getting him into various different activities (most of which he's enthusiastic about), rather than protecting him from new experiences.

Very stressful drop off at school this morning. Drop off is different to last year so he's getting upset, crying and wants me. I just want him to get on with it!

He then has an excellent day at school, so that's not the problem.

Any words of wisdom?

If he struggles with change the whole school day is going to be tricky for him because it’s one transition after another. My two both struggle with change and transition, what works for them is talking about what to expect and when, and keeping to that schedule as much as is humanly possible. My DS needs walked through it - so we’d go and see where he needed to be, talk about what happens if he doesn’t know what to do etc. My DD doesn’t like being shown in advance, so we’d talk about it and I’d go with her the first time she does whatever it is.

My DD had different strategies throughout school, early starts, slow starts, later starts depending on what was working for her which changed. Her class teacher kept a very consistent pattern through the school day, used now, next and then boards, if the class schedule was changing she’d use a visual timetable to give advanced warning. There are lots of things the school can do without much time or effort that will reduce transitions during the day and lower your child’s stress levels.

It’s ok to just want him to get on with it, while also recognising that he can’t do that just now. My DD has just started high school and has managed that transition very well, if you put the work in now he’ll develop ways of coping in time.

He doesn't struggle with the school day, just drop off/saying bye to me

What's different at drop off this year compared to last year?

Drop off is now at the playground rather than in the classroom

Distract - look, there's Ted, are you going in together

Have a little token you give him - my DC was younger but at age 4 when she was reluctant to go in a couple of times I gave her a little knitted heart to have in her pocket.

Try and head it off quickly or it becomes a habit thats hard to shift. There's a couple of kids at our school who've always got a lot of attention for fussing at drop off so of course they are still doing it at 9/10

My seven year old also struggles with drop offs. What helps is to put him in breakfast club, which has a much quieter drop off. It much, much harder for him to walk straight onto the busy playground, so breakfast club is a great compromise which eases him into the day. Also I distract him by talking about anything thats interesting as we walk to school, to give him something else to focus on. And he sometimes gets a reward afterwards like a new book, for the start of term.

I also talk through everything that's worrying him, and stay upbeat but also acknowledge that yes he would rather not be there, and that's ok, but there's X and Y good things at school to do as well.

I do frequently have to slightly manhandle him through the door though, but keeping the goodbye as short as possible is definitely best.

I tried the breakfast club method this morning and it was worse! It was chaos in there.

Will try again tomorrow on the playground but later than I have been getting there in he hopes that some of his mates are actually there